Channeling Your Inner Badass When You Can’t Even Manage to Walk Without Tripping Over Air

So, for some reason, I am hella “tongue tied” about introducing this. As you can see from the previous Patreon extra, I read… A LOT. Well, I also write, and not just the occasional posts on here. I actually have 4 or 5 books started. One book, based on my antics when I was younger, will never see the light of day, as it is being cannibalized for The Art of Breathing Fire. What is the Art of Breathing Fire? It is a summation of what I have learned over a span of 40 years to accept myself and become my own personal badass, while also giving funny stories about some of my most epic “… it was a good idea at the time”.

A Rebel without a Clue

I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! – Al Franken as Stewart Smalley.

I wish I could say that unleashing your inner badass was as simple as that Saturday Night Live skit with Al Franken as the eternal optimist Stewart Smalley. For some people being a badass is as simple as brushing their teeth. For others, said badassery is more akin to having a root canal by way of ye old Medieval dentist/ferrier. Hell, who’s to say what a badass is?!?

What I hope won’t happen with this tongue in cheek and somewhat serious guide to being awesome (as road mapped through my adventures), is that upon finding which closet you hid your inner badass when you entered your teen years; you don’t IMMEDIATELY start flailing yourself around the way we all did when we saw our first Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee movie. You will throw your back out most likely, and pull something important in a hip. Badassery generally isn’t covered by insurance.

Some additional badassery related things generally not covered by insurance include:

• Any injury sustained while being a pro-wrestler (believe me, I know this is gospel, and we sustain a LOT of injuries)
• The private nurse you hired that looks a lot like a stripper, while you recover from that tragic hang gliding accident.
• Any and all vaccines needed to go trekking through the Amazon or Congo to manage an Expendables style extraction.

But let’s be honest, how many of us are heroes in our imaginations, but generally think of that witty quip about 5 minutes too late in reality? 

And yes, I say “US” because while my husband was born adorable little badass (supposedly), I always have been more of a nerd who rarely speaks. Fully acknowledging the power behind my inner badass has been a 20+ year evolution. There are people who, in all honesty, are never going to be willing to be more than a supporting player in their own lives. They are the ones constantly spewing:

It must be nice to…
You are lucky that…
I can’t because…
I’m a victim because…

Believe you me, I have had plenty of people in my life who were those exact people. People how systematically disregarded the effort I have put into becoming the person I was and am. A backhanded “It must be nice to be able to go there” when I went on a well deserved Carribean vacation, while they ignored the three jobs, and constant saving I put in for half a year plus to afford it.

I’m sure someone would say I am bitter about the time wasted on people who were emotional succubi. But in actuality, the emotion is more of pity. 

Why? 

Because rather than spending time improving their lives, the weakest among us have chosen to try to drag people down to their level, to feel better about themselves. A large percentage of people who forge their own paths weren’t handed the map to get where they are. They have struggled, and worked to become their own personal badass.

Being a badass is knowing who you are.

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