Can’t Gain Weight? Guess What- You’re Doing It Wrong #2

Jamie Chaos

August 13, 2011

Today we continue our foray into the “mysteries” of weight gain. Mysteries more mysterious than the most mysterious Scooby Doo episode, and possibly more mysterious than the mysterious love child that would be produced if Sherlock Holmes, the cast of Scooby Doo, the Hardy Boys, and Nancy drew had a massive, week-long orgy. That child would likely be called “Eat More, You Fucking Jitbag”, and he’d look suspiciously like a plate of hamburgers, but he’d wear a cape so as to play up the mysterious angle.

To wit, more evidence:

JM Blakely
Vital Statistics
Height: No idea
Weight: Competed at 275 and 308, in addition to two other weight classes (220 and 242, presumably)
Benched 710 @ 308

Frankly, I could find little about JM Blakely online other than his prescription for weight gain, which has been posted ad nauseam. One of his most famous quotes is “Remember – If you want to beat the man, you’ve gotta out-eat the man!” Though it should come as no surprise, all of the criticism surrounding Blakely’s diet prescriptions centers around how fat it would make a person… ignoring completely the fact that Blakely himself wasn’t fat. As such, groupthink predominates and Blakely’s dieting suggestions are little more than fodder for online shit-talking by assholes who don’t actually lift and justification for disgusting fatbodies to eat like they do, look like shit, and remain weak as kittens (likely because they spend all of the live-long day talking shit over the internet rather than lifting). In any event, Blakely’s bulking suggestions are as wild as they are obviously effective, and here they are as related by Dave Tate:

“For breakfast you need to eat four of those breakfast sandwiches from McDonalds. I don’t care which ones you get, but make sure to get four. Order four hash browns, too. Now grab two packs of mayonnaise and put them on the hash browns and then slip them into the sandwiches. Squish that shit down and eat. That’s your breakfast.”

“For lunch you’re gonna eat Chinese food. Now I don’t want you eating that crappy stuff. You wanna get the stuff with MSG. None of that non-MSG bullshit. I don’t care what you eat but you have to sit down and eat for at least 45 minutes straight. You can’t let go of the fork. Eat until your eyes swell up and become slits and you start to look like the woman behind the counter.”

“For dinner you’re gonna order an extra-large pizza with everything on it. Literally everything. If you don’t like sardines, don’t put ’em on, but anything else that you like you have to load it on there. After you pay the delivery guy, I want you to take the pie to your coffee table, open that fucker up, and grab a bottle of oil. It can be olive oil, canola oil, whatever. Anything but motor oil. And I want you to pour that shit over the pie until half of the bottle is gone. Just soak the shit out of it.”

“Now before you lay into it, I want you to sit on your couch and just stare at that fucker. I want you to understand that that pizza right there is keeping you from your goals.”

“Now you’re on the clock,” he continues. “After 20 minutes your brain is going to tell you you’re full. Don’t listen to that shit. You have to try and eat as much of the pizza as you can before that 20-minute mark. Double up pieces if you have to. I’m telling you now, you’re going to get three or four pieces in and you’re gonna want to quit. You fucking can’t quit. You have to sit on that couch until every piece is done.

And if you can’t finish it, don’t you ever come back to me and tell me you can’t gain weight. ‘Cause I’m gonna tell you that you don’t give a fuck about getting bigger and you don’t care how much you lift!”

Did I do it? Hell yeah. Started the next day and did it for two months. Went from 260 pounds to 297 pounds. And I didn’t get much fatter. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, though.”(Green, N)

The caloric intake on Blakely’s diet is colossal. An EliteFTS contributor calculated that the total caloric intake on this diet is conservatively placed at over 11k calories per day.

Calories (kcal)
4 breakfast sandwiches: 1800
4 hash browns: 600
2 packs mayo: 160
Chinese buffet binge: 4000
Large pizza w/ the works: 3040
Olive oil: 2000
Total: 11,600 kcals (Patterson)

Somehow, Blakely’s deep thoughts and introspection never led him to the conclusion that only Tom Selleck and Hitler could pull off a mustache.

In spite of his seemingly ridiculous assertions about bulking, Blakely appears to be a remarkably intelligent and level-headed guy about it. He states, for instance:

“Remember that the weight gain is to be temporary. You should plan a reducing diet to follow at a specified time in your training. This is where you attempt to maintain most of the new strength you amassed during the bulking phase while lowering your body fat to the same level you started at. You are not training to get stronger, only to hold the strength you have while dropping the excess. Commit yourself to the goal of returning to your starting level of bodyfat and see how much of the new strength you’re kept. If you diet right, it should be above 80%. So that is your true gain. The gain you keep after gaining and losing the excess bodyfat is what counts. If you gain 20 lbs on your bench and lose 15 when you diet, you missed the point. If you gain 20 lbs on the bench and keep 15 (16) you’ve achieved something and done it correctly. Now repeat this process as necessary!! I suggest that you only hold your weight heavy for no longer than 5-6 months before you diet back down. Each time you repeat this process, you will hold more strength and have more muscle mass than before. Avoid staying heavy too long. It is only temporary!”(Blakely)

Dave Tate. Clearly, he’s not a ringing endorsement for EliteFTS’s neck harness.

In that light, the suggestions Dave Tate blithely applied to his own diet make far more sense. The idea is not that one should become a giant fatass- the idea is that true dramatic changes to one’s physique occur as the result of dramatic efforts both in the gym and at the dinner table. Fears of fat-assedness can thus hardly be maintained with any degree of validity due to the fact that Blakely’s diet is not intended to be conducted like a runaway train, but rather as a cyclical method for increasing lean body mass while maintaining one’s level of bodyfat. It is, if you will, the ABCDE diet (read more here) taken to an enormous temporal extreme. Will that allay the fears of the internet’s legions of skinny-fat know-nothings? Certainly not, but those idiots are beyond helping anyway, so let’s dig a shallow ditch, shove them in, plant a gym atop it and laugh as we shit on their burial ground.

Anthony Ditillo
Vital Statistics
Height: 5’6″
Weight: 258 lbs
Strict Standing OH Press:350 lbs.
Seated press to forehead: 435×3 (that’s not a typo- that comes from Poliquin himself)

Ditillo’s name isn’t really a household name, outside of those people who read Dezso Ban and associate the name Ditillo with that site. He was, however, an incredibly strong and insightful guy with some impressive lifts. Charles Poliquin lists him as an influence, which is heady praise indeed. Ditillo wrote for Iron Man magazine for a couple of decades and practiced what he preached- he bulked to 300 at one point and then cut down to 190 thereafter. Given his pedigree, lifting accomplishments, and the fact that he was a master of weight manipulation, you’d think that he’d be the go to guy on the subject, but information on this motherfucker is as scanty as the few biographical tidbits I could locate are obsequious. Nevertheless, he had the following to say on the subject of weight gain, which I pared down from a rather lengthy article:

“Today the physical culture world is enveloped with training systems most of which are not worth the paper they are printed on. You hear all kinds of reasons for not being able to gain weight: high metabolism, low metabolism, high energy level, low energy level. What is all the ballyhoo about? If you have low metabolism than your problem would not be one of being unable to gain weight, but of controlling this weight and keeping reasonably lean. If, on the other hand, you have a high metabolism you must perform mass muscle movements in low sets of repetitions twice a week. You also must continuously force yourself to eat more and more good wholesome food. Drink lots of milk. It can really make you grow. Eats lots of lean meat. It’s good for you. And don’t forget the fruits and vegetables. They’re ALL important.

So you see, it’s not all that involved when it comes to gaining weight. All you have to know is what category you fit into, and train and eat accordingly. Instead of taking one multi-vitamin per day, increase to three. Three to four quarts of milk per day, fortified with some protein powder and powdered milk can go a long way in increasing your weight. Six to eight meals a day (solid as well as liquid included) may be necessary to jolt your system to adaptability for gaining weight.

All Italian foods are high in calories and loaded with carbohydrates for energy along with quite a bit of protein in the form of grated cheese, pizza cheese, meatballs, veal, according to the ingredients.

Sample Weight Gaining Soup
Three cups prepared vegetable soup.
One cup peas.
One cup corn niblets.
One pound precooked lean beef.
One cup pork and beans.
One cup lima beans.
One cooked potato, cut up.
Do not add any water to the above recipe.

Sample Weight Gaining Drink
One quart whole milk.
One pint light cream.
One pint heavy cream.
One pint ice cream.
Two packets gelatin.
One cup skim milk powder.
Three tbsp. honey.
One cup fruit salad.
One cup protein powder.

Blend the ingredients together. I would recommend drinking half this mixture an hour before a workout, and finishing the other half one hour before retiring for the night. Coupled with all the information and suggestions in this article I can’t see why anyone can’t gain all the weight he wants.”

Clearly, he and Blakely were precisely on the same page about eating to gain weight- it’s simply a matter of forcing yourself, no matter how unpleasant stuffing yourself might be, to eat as much food as you possibly can at every opportunity. He was far more of a fan of getting his calories in liquid form than was Blakely, but the message remains the same- if you eat it, you will grow.

Additionally, Ditillo didn’t believe that you should continuously stuff yourself until you resembled one of the disgusting tubby motherfuckers you see oozing around Wal-Mart on a Rascal. Instead, Ditillo recommended periodic cutting phases to consolidate one’s gains and ensure that you maximized your strength to weight ratio… an idea that seems to have died out in the 21st century as various fatasses justify their impending coronary with assertions that absolute strength, no relative strength, is the only true marker of overall strength.

Norbert Schemansky
Vital Statistics

Height: 5’11” (181 cm)
Weight: 90-121 kg
Set 13 World Records in Olympic Weightlifting
3 time World Champion in Oly Weightlifting
Pan American Champ
434.5 lb Jerk at 194 lbs.
441 lb continental and jerk at 194 lbs.
One of only a few people to lift the Apollon wheels (366 lbs of train wheels on a fat bar)

Presumably due to the utter ridiculousness of his name, “Ski”, as he came to be called, is one pissed off motherfucker. Though you’ve likely never heard his name, he’s one of the best-built heavyweight Olympic lifters of all time, and pulled off a bevy of coups in the Olympics against the Russians, earning a medals in the Olympics over 16 years- silver in London in 1948, gold in 1952 (where he was the first Olympic lifter to put double his bodyweight overhead), and bronze in Rome in 1960 and Tokyo in 1964. His story is actually fairly interesting, as he essentially lived in utter poverty throughout his lifting career to pursue his Olympic dream. This was not because he was a Hepburn clone who couldn’t communicate with other human beings and lived in the gym- instead, it’s because he recognized that most people suck and was not afraid to tell them about it. In Ski’s words:

“I was working at Briggs Manufacturing and I asked for time off, and one of the guys from downstairs said, ‘Give him all the time off he wants — fire him,’”
“I said, ‘Bleep you, I’m leaving.’”(Green, J)

In case you were curious about the above pic, that pic is of Ski at the end of his career, when he was a super heavyweight. He started, however, as a middle-heavyweight, and continually gained weight and continued to dominate throughout his career, all while staying fairly lean.

Ski as a middle-heavyweight.

The diet he used to dominate the fuck out of the commies? I like to call it “The American Dream.” This consisted of “Hamburgers. Pizza. Beer,” according to Ski, in such quantities that he claimed Budwiser would have made him a millionaire with sponsorships, as would have Mike Illitch (founder of Little Caesar’s). (Green)

At least somebody knows how to bulk properly.

Random Tidbits
Frankly, I don’t thing there’s any amount of evidence I could proffer that would convince most of the dickbags whining about weight gain, but that’s never stopped me trying before. Some people won’t listen to reason, no matter how much evidence is provided to disabuse them of their idiotic positions- I’ve even seen criticisms online taht I provided “no evidence” to support my claims that persistence hunting and the “evolution of distance running” were a pile of shit, despite the fact that cited 41 separate sources in the four evidence entries ranging from anthropological resources to Pubmed and everything in between. Laughable as that is, it definitely points to the fact that emotions will blind the living shit out of people and they’ll ignore evidence right in front of them so as to not feel like the pile of shit they know themselves to be. In any event, here are a few more tidbits from a variety of lifters before I move on:

Ed Coan: Coan wrestled at 98 pounds in high school, and holds records in powerlifting at 181, 198, 220, and 242. The man clearly knows how to gain weight and make it fucking count. His advice on diet is fucking simple: “I eat five times per day, try to get a lot of protein in, and when I cheat, I cheat.” (Koenig)

Pat Casey: I’ve blogged about this guy before, and he was another master weight manipulator. Like everyone else about whom I’ve blogged, Casey believed protein to be the critical component of any diet, and when bulking “he would drink 6 quarts of milk daily plus ½ dozen eggs with protein. He would also take numerous vitamins.” His diet was based around meat, milk, and eggs, and everything else was a secondary consideration.

Paul Anderson: Anderson was a fat motherfucker, but he was a strong, fat motherfucker.(Blog’s here) Anderson went after weight gain just like he did everything else- big and bold. Exactly like Ditillo, Anderson believed that it was a massive pain in the ass to eat all the time, so he drank the majority of his calories. According to Anderson, he “sometimes consumed three to four quarts of milk per day”, and would occasionally blend a dozen raw eggs into sweet (condensed?) milk. Later, he experimented with mixing protein powder into the sweet milk with eggs and ice cream, in addition to drinking cow blood and a bunch of other craziness.(Anderson) He also ate massive amounts of peanuts, put gelatin into all of his juices to add protein, and ate a tremendous amount of “strength-building soups” invented by his mom, which consisted various combinations of meat and fish with beef drippings added. Just in case that wasn’t enough, Anderson experimented with the additions of massive amounts of sugar to his diet:

“Occasionally I would drink soft drinks during my training and noticed when I did this I could perform much better, and my digestive cycle would work much faster. This proved to me that I needed a great deal more sugar. It seemed that the more protein I took, the more sugar I needed to help digest the protein, and also give me quick energy. I turned to the greatest sugar supply I could find, which was honey. I soon found that much of the honey that could be bought in grocery stores did not do me as much good as honey direct from the beehive, bought from a farmer. It was my personal belief that much of the honey that was on the market had been heated in a pasteurizing process and had lost some of its quick digesting qualities.”

On that note, I can stop giving examples in good conscience. If you’re complaining you cannot gain weight, no matter what you do, but haven’t tried adding liquid beef fat to your soup and consuming a metric ton of fucking sugar every day, you’ve not yet scratched the surface of trying to gain weight. For those of you slavering for evidence supporting my contentions about the link between fat and testosterone, they’ll be in the next installment of the series, in addition to some interesting common themes in the training methods of the lifters I’ve outlined here.

I’m still not half the cock tease this broad is.

Sources:

Anderson, Paul. Diet and Nutrition. http://ditillo2.blogspot.com/2008/06/nutrition-paul-anderson.html

Blakely, JM. The Big Boy’s Menu Plan. http://www.wannabebig.com/forums/showthread.php?78823-The-Big-Boy-s-Menu-Plan-by-J.M.-Blakely

Ditillo, Anthony. My Experience With Weight Gain. http://muscleandbrawn.com/my-experience-with-weight-gain/
Everson, Jeff. The Strongest Men In History. http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/planet28.htm
Green, Jerry. Norbert Schemansky. http://chidlovski.net/liftup/a_interview_schemansky_011102.asp
Green, Nate. 37 Tips and Tales from Dave Tate. http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance_interviews/37_tips_and_tales_from_dave_tate
Koenig, John. An Interview with Ed Coan. Atlas Speaks. T-Nation. http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance_interviews/atlas_speaks

Patterson, Brandon. Bulk, Cut, Bloat: The Basic Science of Weight Manipulation and Powerlifting. http://articles.elitefts.com/articles/nutrition/bulk-cut-bloat-the-basic-science-of-weight-manipulation-and-powerlifting/

Wilhelm, Bruce. Pat Casey – Part Two. http://ditillo2.blogspot.com/2008/04/may-1968-september-2o-1969-police.html

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Jamie Chaos

I am a former all-time, all federation world record holder in raw powerlifting at 181lbs, a record I broke just to say fuck you to the internet’s “lifting” community and the powerlifting community at large. Over the last ten years I’ve written over 500 articles on strength training, nutrition, and supplementation, and continue to do so simply to fight the tide of weakness and sadness that currently pervades the scene I’ve called home for the better part of three decades. I’ve got personal trainin certs, BodyPump and BodyCombat certs, a BA in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Arizona, and MBAs from the Vienna University and University of South Carolina on my side, in addition to some sick lifts and a hell of a lot of rage. What the fuck have you got?

45 responses to “Can’t Gain Weight? Guess What- You’re Doing It Wrong #2”

SomeViking

August 14, 2011

Great, interesting series. The part about honey in the end I had totally forgotten – it contains boron after all, which is awesome for test levels (citation needed). Would like to hear more about those honey/sugar ideas.

One thing I've been wondering with these guys – how long did they live? What are the long-term effects of heavy powerlifting and overeating, and are these guys still magnificent strongmen when they hit 65+?
Anonymous

August 14, 2011

Loved the parts on Saxon, Goerner and especially Schemansky, whom i hadn't heard of before and who, judging from the first pic, rocks an epic jerk technique – really impressive.

I don't really care for the rest… Strong they may be, but they're also fat and I for one don't give a shit if they could push press an attacking tiger if they're stalked and brought down by diabetes instead. As for Dave Tate… The guy just looks sad and judging from his expression he knows it, too.

But yeah, it's obviously a series focused on gaining weight per se as opposed to gaining a favorable muscle to fat ratio, so i'll stop bitching.
Nathan

August 14, 2011

I think Dave Tate's forearms are bigger than his neck. Is that even possible?

Just saw an article that indicates that losing weight can lead to weight gain long term. http://www.nature.com/ijo/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/ijo2011160a.html Possibly the regular weight cutting periods these guys did actually helped them to get bigger as well? I know I've always put on a lot of muscle quickly after a long cut. I'm cutting right now just to get that rebound effect when I'm done.
Head of the Cave

August 14, 2011

What should I do if I get nauseous from eating too much?

I'm at 145 lbs, trying to hit a measly 150, but I'm having trouble doing that. I eat as much as I can but I consistently get nauseous.

I'm going to start consuming more liquid calories, perhaps that'll work.

If the answer is, "man the fuck up," please say so and I'll try harder.
brainwash92

August 14, 2011

To the guy above me: Eat as often as you can, drink a lot of water to get you used to the bloat and find out which foods make you sick. I'm betting it's sweet or fatty foods, not so much protein.

As for the article: I showed my dad the first part of this article because he was tearing into me for eating eggs every day. I thought that article was pretty cool, at least it had Goerner in it. Now you go and follow that up with a guy who looks like the Venus of Willendorf, Dave "I have less independent thought than an autistic fucking Chinaman" Tate and some dude who says to soak your pizza in 2000 kcal of oil. I can't show this article to anyone – they'll just feel justified in eating crap all day. Thanks a lot.
Rant

August 14, 2011

Why the constant obsession with cock sucking steroid takers? Now, being drug free myself, if I was writing a blog, I wouldn't give steroid cheats a single mention – why do you Jamie? And all the while too? Why not mention that 99.99% of their progress has nothing to do with diet or training but anabolic steroids? Pizzas in oil have a very different effect on a natural hero like me compared to some sustanon250 injecting, dianabol swallowing cunt. Just my thoughts. And Dray is gay.
Dray

August 14, 2011

Thanks, Rant.

Head of the Cave, I was never as skinny as you, but I was 170 which was skinny for my bone structure and left me with almost no discernible muscle mass. If you're eating to gain weight at all costs, you WILL bloat up, have horrific smelling gas, get headaches, vomit in your mouth, and be nauseous at the very sight of more food.

But march on. It's not about enjoying food. You won't. It's a fucking job. The water helps too.
SomeViking

August 15, 2011

Head of the Cave, consider: work out more + some patience + looking into raising your test levels. I remember when I was swimming, I was hungry as hell every time I ended a session and really could eat a lot more.
Eric

August 15, 2011

head of the cave….poliquin would tell you to get some betaine Hcl tablets with each meal. Start at one, two at the next meal, three at the next. At some point you'll take one too many and get heart burn. From then on take one fewer. Added bonus: you will shit like a man with this product.
Head of the Cave

August 15, 2011

Yea I'm gonna try working out daily/twice a day occasionally. Did that today.

Gonna focus on saturated fat. I can eat a can of coconut milk easy. 700 calories, almost all fat.
Anonymous

August 15, 2011

^ Your workouts are the key to eating more. Do really fucked up, high volume stuff… Especially squats. Use 20 reps upward and the highest weight possible. Try the same with rows sometime.

You should feel sick during and afterwards, then give it an hour and you'll eat your face off.

I don't know you or your workout regime, but if you're not hungry enough chances are you lack volume, intensity and frequenzy.
Anonymous

August 15, 2011

Example weight gain workout:

grab a friend, head to the gym.

load a heavy barbell on the racks and a lighter one on the ground.

now you both alternate between doing squats from the rack and clean&press from the ground, for as many reps as possible in 1 hour.

winner is the one with the most reps, loser buys dinner at mc donalds/steak house/whatever as long as it serves meat en masse.
Anonymous

August 15, 2011

MAN THE FUCK UP.

oh, and jayden james?
Dray

August 15, 2011

I am actually disturbed by the massive reaction to Head of the Cave's comment.
Jamie Lewis

August 15, 2011

@Someviking- I'll look into the honey-test connection. In re longevity, it is pretty much all over the map- Grimek was still squatting HEAVY in his 70s, while Ditillo died in his 50s. Anderson died when he was 62, Ditillo's mentor Dezso Ban lived a hell of a long time, Goerner died at 65 after fighting in two world wars, Saxon died of some weird catastrophy…

@Nathan- Thanks for the link. Akerfeldt (the ACDE diet guy) did make mention of increased anabolism after a cut, so that probably plays a role.

@Head- Man the fuck up.

@Rant-clone- The difference in our opinions is likely due to the fact that you're as pompous as you are ill-informed and closed minded, and you seem to think that steroids work via black magic. You think this because you are a fucking retard. As for my "obsession", I hardly think passing mention of two guys constitutes any such thing, but as we've already demonstrated your inability to think critically, this should come as no surprise.
BrockLeggins

August 15, 2011

@chibs – Ski is actually performing a snatch there. The split snatch was far more common back in the day.
Anonymous

August 15, 2011

@BrockLeggins Haha yeah you're right. Damn! Now i feel stupid…
Abe

August 16, 2011

Jamie, while you're at it, you should word-rape Rant. Just because.
Jamie Lewis

August 16, 2011

The problem with debating the insane is that their arguments generally make no sense. Even the best laid plans, logic, and argumentation can be derailed by a lunatic who simply responds with "the hyperbolic nature of oranges brings screwdriver mistletoe", which is about as coherent as Rant's clones can be. As ridiculous as Rant was, I doubt this is he, as I would hope that Rant understands that while steroids do some impressive things, they don't change one's body chemistry to the point where they can no longer mate with homo sapiens sapiens.
K

August 16, 2011

Jamie an off topic question:
my country's olympic lifting team trains at the gym where I train and they use all the platforms, thus, I can't do deadlifts, cleans or snatches in a regular basis, I can't just touch them when they have off days (once a month or so). would zercher lift would be an option for training the lower back/harmstrings?
K

August 16, 2011

*I just CAN touch them when…
Rant

August 16, 2011

Harrow Abe!! Why you no go eat sum ruckin alsatian kebab, you ruckin riddiot!!!

Now listen. Regardless of who I REALLY am, my point about steroids is this. I truly believe that any self respecting weight trainer, who had spent many years naturally (ie, steroid free) building up their muscle mass and strength would NEVER give credit to another person who had decided to do so with the help of steroids – the only time I think that doing so would be warranted would be where the person in question was totally open and honest about their drug use (ie, Louie Simmons comes to mind), not putting their accelerated progress down to, say, fucking Muscle Milk for instance, or creatine. Or worse still, tribulus, HAHAHAHA, that one's fucking funny! I'm pretty sure it's not illegal to use steroids, only to supply them, so why keep it secret? I work with several people who use steroids, and they're laughable. They got nowhere doing leg extensions, french presses and lateral raises etc, HAHA, but that kind of weak shit DOES work with drugs. Trust me, i've seen it. The only reason i know of their drug use is because one of them is very open about it, almost thinks it's cool to be on them, and has become the main supplier to the others. He tells me exactly what they buy off him. These people are cunts. And if you're still reading this then so are you. Be a man, don't cheat. And read Stuart McRobert, he is THE king of strength and size knowledge, even Jamie has said so.
Dray

August 16, 2011

Rant, you couldn't out-eat any of these guys if your life depended on it. So, whether they were on steroids or jacked off their dog on a weekly basis or what have you, I think when they attribute their success to their diet, I think that warrants a listen.
Anonymous

August 17, 2011

Hey guise, my name is Cannibal LOLocaust and I'd like you to know that Rant is only here because I trolled him hard on his site.

Now that Rant has been trolled, I have a question 100% unrelated to the info in this article as I am not a hardgainer:

Jamie, you know your shit and you're in excellent condition. Out of sheer curiosity, why is it you're not trying to become some fitness guru celebrity trainer? Surely you could be more successful at the training business than the vast majority. Is that an informed decision on your part?
Jamie Lewis

August 17, 2011

@the guy too fucking piss-weak and frightened of his own shadow to post under his real name- Irrespective of what you "truly believe", your assertion is as logically inconsistent as it is scientifically unsound and of dubious moral sources. You cannot assert on one point that steroids change your metabolism so fundamentally that they'll cause you to digest fat in a markedly different way from a natural lifter and then claim that steroids do nothing if you don't use them with the proper exercise regime. Either they're magical, or they're not. Furthermore, there's no evidence of any kind that the magical properties of steroids you allege enhance one's musculature and nervous system to the point that steroid users are in no way similar to natural lifters. Finally, where's the line you draw against "cheating"? The people who drew the line don't even understand the mechanisms by which exogenous hormones work. Vitamin D is a hormone- should that be criminalized as well? What about people with naturally higher test levels than average- should they be forced to take exogenous estrogen to level the playing field?

I tell you what- try getting someone to read Aristotle's "Rhetoric" to you, and then explain what they read. Thereafter, do a little research, and then email me the most scathing, unassailable essay on this topic- I'll post it for you so you have a forum, and then reply in kind. I enjoy a good debate, even if it's against a guy who's terrified of the real world and who brings a dull spoon to an intellectual gunfight.
Jamie Lewis

August 17, 2011

@Unknown- I've actually been asked that question a lot. Part of the reason is that if I made this into a money-making venture rather than something I do for fun, I'd be hard-pressed not to sell out in one way or another, and I'd likely stop enjoying it because it'd become work. Additionally, I've been a trainer, and it sucks- I loathe dragging people through workouts. Either they want to lift and they will, or they don't want to, in which case they should stay the fuck home. Being a trainer is more cheerleader than it is coach. Finally, if you hadn't noticed, I'm a bit of a misanthrope- I don't like or trust people enough to put myself in a position to depend on them.

On that note, I've heard recently that Lyle McDonald, among others, seems to take issue with me as a person on Facebook. If any of you happen across anything along those lines, send it my way, as I'm not now, and will likely never be on that site. chaos_and_pain@yahoo.com
Anonymous

August 17, 2011

That's intredasting. I'm currently in the process of hustling up money and sales experience in the training business so I can get a job in pharmaceutical sales on the reasoning that much like I don't want to be a doctor because I hate people, technical skill and knowledge be damned, I feel it'd be much easier and more profitable to fight the downhill battle of selling pills to doctors so the lowest common denominator can just come to them to buy pills full of tapeworm eggs rather than trying to fight the uphill battle of trying to "motivate" the same simple minded proles to do what they should have been doing in the first place without anybody needing to say a word.

Great minds, I guess. I figured if I took that approach I could build a hermit compound out in the woods and secede from society at large before I could even afford a private studio as a glorified freelance fat camp instructor.

Have you read Pentti Linkola or Amerika yet?
brainwash92

August 17, 2011

Who's the broad btw?
Jamie Lewis

August 17, 2011

That was one of the most impressive run-ons in the history of the written word. Lewis Carroll would masturbate to it if he were still alive.

As to the latter, I assume you're referring to the Kafka book, which I read in high school at some point but don't remember at all. As to the Finn, never read any of his stuff.
Anonymous

August 17, 2011

I get pissed if I can't cram at least an entire paragraph into a single sentence.

I meant Amerika.org and its sister site Anus.com, both misanthropic pro-eugenics commentary on modern civilization – the former in terms of politics and the latter in terms of philosophy.
Jippo

August 17, 2011

Lyle McDonald can suck my balls. He just looks like an old skinny guy, all the science babble in the world can't hide that. Sure he knows a thing or two about nutrition but who gives a fuck when you seemingly have no strength accomplishments or personality to back it up. Plus i vaguely remember reading somewhere that he tried coming on to that Christine chick who used to post here on her facebook page knowing full well she was underage.

Fuck Lyle McDonald, fuck him in his stupid asshole hahaha.

P.S. Yes drunk.
P.P.S Rant you're a retard, maybe if you'd stick some test in your ass you might actually get laid or do something cool once in a while.

Cool article Jamie, keep 'em coming man.
K

August 17, 2011

what about my question?, fuck
Rant

August 18, 2011

Jippo – i'm truly not surprised you cropped your face off your Blogger photo, hahaha!! Fuck me, when you stop using a Bullworker and start working out with weights i'll take any comments you make more seriously!

Unknown – Jamie can't possibly be a celebrity trainer. Imagine him training some celeb on tv, the poor cameraman having to constantly drop down two feet every time he speaks just to get him in frame. He'd be allright for radio though.

And Jamie (if that's what your name really is…), for a guy who reads Aristotle (I bet the chicks are impressed with that one….zzz..zzz…), you sure didn't understand what i wrote –

"..then claim that steroids do nothing if you don't use them with the proper exercise regime."

Erm, no, read it again. I said they DO work with clueless exercises, it's clearly written.

Dray – again you're trying to be Jamies' 'mini me', but without any real intelligence, lifting credentials or muscle size to back it up (I accept Jamie does have all three of these, just because i'm picking at some points of his writing doesn't mean i don't appreciate he's good). And you're too tall to be him, so give it up. Please explain Dray, how me not being able to out eat some gay looking, mustachioed, roid dude equates to it being worth my while listening to their assertion that their massive food intake was the secret to their success? How the fuck does that statement work out? For what it's worth, about three years ago my huge appetite got me to about 260lb at 5'8''. Pneumonia got me down to 210lb in 5 weeks, (and i looked ripped). So what does that prove? That i was once a fat bastard who then got ill? Or i'm a weight gaining, dieting fucking legend? I'd say the second, but either way, i look fucking brutal now, all steroid free, and i'm in my 40's. So suck my cock.
00samba

August 18, 2011

gotta ask … who is the chick in the "At least somebody knows how to bulk properly." pic ?
Dray

August 18, 2011

Rant, it works out by way of you not being able to out eat or out lift them.

And you're not even the real Rant.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/10869992772509116263

That's Rant. You're fake-Rant. So you have less than no credibility, and even less evidence to back up your assertion that you were 260 lbs at 5'8" or stronger than a kitten.
Anonymous

August 18, 2011

Fake Rant – Deadlift video or GTFO.
Rant

August 18, 2011

Cannibal LOLocaust – how about i show you a video of your mom sucking my balls?
Jamie Lewis

August 18, 2011

Just to pile on, fake Rant- "I work with several people who use steroids, and they're laughable. They got nowhere doing leg extensions, french presses and lateral raises etc, HAHA". That's a direct quote, buddy.

As to your Aristotle comment, I live in Alabama, the place where erections go to die. Eunuchs get more ass than I do. You are correct on that one, sir- my erudition doesn't help in the land of NASCAR and Hank the second.

To the guy who asked about the chick with the booty, that is Jayden James.
Jamie Lewis

August 18, 2011

@K- I'd focus on rack work, pendlay rows, and dumbbell shit. Zerchers will help as well, although I'm not clear on why you're asking about them as a lower back exercise.

That, or find another gym.
Rant

August 18, 2011

'They got nowhere' was past tense Mr Chaos and Pain. Then they took steroids and now everything works. 'They GET nowhere' would suggest the steroids weren't helping. It's a tricky language, I guess i'm helped by the fact I come from where it was invented. Love you Dray 😉
Jamie Lewis

August 18, 2011

Your previous sentence would indicate that you simply muddled your tenses. Our issue here seems to stem from the fact that your words are as twisted and feeble as an old woman.
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