Cycling Makes You Into A Eunuch- My First Lawsuit Threat (From This Site, That Is)

Jamie Chaos

May 2, 2011

Many of you have asked, in emails and blog comments, when I will be offering the PR or ER shirts for sale again.

I won’t.

This is not due to any personal preference, but rather due to the fact that I conceived those shirts long before I actually had the capital to make them, publicly, and at work. My coworker and I spent countless hours pontificating about different shirt ideas, the favorite of which was the “PR or ER” idea. Thus, we hung out in Vitamin Shoppe in Columbia, SC, talking about the shirts and repeating the slogan (as I frequently had minor gym catastrophes about which we’d laugh) and discussing blog post ideas. This was, incidentally, from February 2009 – December 2009. Being neither jewish nor a lawyer, I saw no need to trademark or copyright “PR or ER”, since my friends and I said the phrase often and it never occurred to me that anyone else would copyright it.

How wrong I was. In September of that year, someone did. His location? Lexington, SC. Coincidence? Let’s consult Google Maps.

A mere 15 miles away from the birthplace of my genius t-shirt idea.

Amusingly, the coworker with whom I discussed this idea trained at some 24 hour gym in Lexington, making the cycling douche who threatened to sue me seem all that much more suspicious in his actions. Oh yeah- did I mention he’s a cyclist?

Thus, I had my t-shirt idea stolen and copyrighted before I could get the scratch together to print the fucking shirts, and have subsequently been threatened with death by unkosher foods (or something along those lines) if I continue to sell them. Luckily, I ran out of shirts about a month and a half prior to getting his email, so his “cease and desist” really became more of a “don’t do it again” email.

Before I share our slightly amusing email exchange, allow me to preface them by explaining exactly how this blog came to be. In 2007, friends of mine started asking me to compile the random exercise physiology and nutrition esoterica about which I constantly told them into some sort of a readable format. Given that I am constantly researching and had no simple means of transcribing what I knew, I figured that a blog would be a good way to pass along that knowledge, and would provide a decent starting place for a book. This book, by the way, was to have a self-published run of no more than 20 copies- I wasn’t, and am still not, doing any of this for money- I simply do it because I enjoy it. In any event, I finally decided to start it in Feb of 2009, after doing a considerable amount of further research. Shortly thereafter, I got a job at Vitamin Shoppe and started blogging in real earnest, since I lived in Columbia, SC and had virtually nothing to do with myself by work and lift. Having gotten my MBA and been relegated to the economic shitheap that GWB created, I started speculating about different ways to make money, most of which revolved around t-shirt designs and a protein powder based on the amino acid profile of human flesh to be called Cannibal Fuel. Lest that thieving motherfucker wish to steal another idea I’ve had, it’s now recorded for posterity, in public, so he can suck my fucking cock. I had an entire marketing campaign dreamed up for the protein, the first three flavors of which would be White Meat, Dark Meat, and Mulatto (Vanilla, Chocolate, and Cookies and Cream), but at that point my cash reserves were completely tapped from supporting myself on virtually no money for a year, so that idea never achieved fruition. With luck, however, it will one day see the light of day. Anyway, at some point in my verbal daydreams, this skinny motherfucker must’ve come into the store looking for some idiot carb supplement (THIS JUST IN: GATORADE AND PROTEIN MIXED IS FAR CHEAPER), heard my musings, and run home to trademark them. Frankly, I’m not even sure I came up with the phrase PR or ER, but I am damned sure I did not pick it up from a cyclist- had I done so, I would have bathed in bleach to wash the douche off me after donning the shirt.

In any event, our emails:

If you’re shocked by his utter lack of defense, don’t be. He has no more business trademarking that phrase than The Donald had copyrighting “You’re fired!”, but frankly, I’m litigious and apathetic to anything involving lawyers. Were dueling legal, I’d challenge him on principle, but as it’s not, you can buy the shirts off him.

In case you’re shocked by his lack of retort, don’t be: cyclists have astonishingly low test levels, and are often impotent. (Lucia, Colpi, Schwarzer) As such, neither the threat of lawsuit nor failure to defend himself seems surprising.

Just because you are a hard-on doesn’t mean you can get one.

Finally, new shirts are in the works with an entirely different design. I’m working on a new logo with more of a death metal theme, and the pic below is a rough sketch of the bulk of the front of the t-shirt design, though it’ll be ringed with skulls on the top half, read “Chaos and Pain” above that, and have a banner that reads (and feel free to correct me- my latin is an atrocity) “Per furor vis”, “Per odium vi”, or “Ira est donum” (“through anger, strength”, “through hate, strength” or “anger is a gift”) underneath. The back will read “Failure is not an option.” This has been held up by a disappearing graphic artist and my continual mind-changing, but it’s coming.

The pic looks better in pencil- I copied it into paint and then tried to clean it up in paint.

Addendum:
The following hilarity was brought to my attention. This is an actual screenshot of the guy’s site.

Sources:

Colpi, Gm, Contalbi, G, Ciociola, E, Mihalca, R. “Erectile dysfunction and amatorial cycling.” Arch Ital Urol Androl. 80 (2008) 123-6.

Lucia, A, Diaz, B, Hoyos, J, et al. “Hormone levels of world class cyclists during the Tour of Spain stage race.” Br J Sports Med 35 (2001) 424-30.

Schwarzer. U, Sommer, F, Klotz, T, et al. “Cycling and penile oxygen pressure: the type of saddle matters.” European Urol. 41 (2002) 139-42.

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Jamie Chaos

I am a former all-time, all federation world record holder in raw powerlifting at 181lbs, a record I broke just to say fuck you to the internet’s “lifting” community and the powerlifting community at large. Over the last ten years I’ve written over 500 articles on strength training, nutrition, and supplementation, and continue to do so simply to fight the tide of weakness and sadness that currently pervades the scene I’ve called home for the better part of three decades. I’ve got personal trainin certs, BodyPump and BodyCombat certs, a BA in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Arizona, and MBAs from the Vienna University and University of South Carolina on my side, in addition to some sick lifts and a hell of a lot of rage. What the fuck have you got?

43 responses to “Cycling Makes You Into A Eunuch- My First Lawsuit Threat (From This Site, That Is)”

W.L.C 2

May 5, 2011

Damn dude that blows! I wanted one of those T-shirts too. Could you post a high quality pic of one so I could have one made? Thanks
Matthias

May 5, 2011

I'm looking forward to the new shirt. As for that cyclist and his legal threats, lets hope that he meets the fate deserved of all cyclists……squashed flat by a Mack Truck and left on the side of the road to rot, fly blown and cooked in the mid day sun.
Will

May 5, 2011

Well….I mean….we know who he is…

http://www.prorer.org/id47.html

It's only a matter of time until some Hooligan posts his contact information and unleashes some /b-tard-like harassment upon him.
Javier

May 5, 2011

I pretty much second WLC, I wanted that sumbitch. One of the few shirts with a logo I'd ever wear. The cycling dickhead can go eat shit, better things are to come.
chen

May 5, 2011

Checked out the website Will posted. That cyclying piece of shit has the audacity to call himself the creator of PR or ER. The shirt he made are pretty lame, obviously a product of a creator with no fucking creativity or imagination.
Otter Ezekiel

May 5, 2011

And what's he doing for merch? Polka dot ER or PR socks? Are you fucking kidding me? That dude's got a skullfull of shitbeans and probably bore down like a miscarrying hobo and dribbled every last dram of stolen creativity and business acumen out of his shriveled ischemic pizzle to think up that shit. Fuck that corpse dewlap right in the neck and keep bringing the pain, Jamie.
Harshtruth

May 5, 2011

The first two latin phrases work nicely. The picture was drawn well, but a squid doesn't exactly scream badass…
Brett

May 5, 2011

Well, we can all take solace in the fact that he truly is a worthless piece of shit. He brags on that website about compiling an epic list of DNFs at Ironman and other races. If he actually believed in "his" motto, he would've run till his legs were bloody stumps and told his "gastrointestinal discomforts" to shut the fuck up point the way out mid-stride.
Brett

May 5, 2011

and the Kraken needs something…dismembered triathlon swimmers, perhaps?
W.L.C 2

May 5, 2011

I emailed that homo n gave hime a piece of my mind!
Brett

May 5, 2011

We should all go on that guy's website and nominate Jamie for his PR or ER Hall of Fame.
Abe

May 5, 2011

wow..his "merchandise" really sucks at a whole new level. Does the copyright apply to usage in another country though?
W.L.C 2

May 5, 2011

That fucking idiot!!!

"Over his 25 year career in the sport he has finally managed to acheive the DNF Trifecta. That's right, he has DNF'd at sprint, international, and Ironman distance events."

He is actually proud of the fact that he sucks at a gay ass sport! DNF'd = Did Not Finish!!! God help us!
Anonymous

May 5, 2011

Why does Cthulhu pop in my head when I see that picture?
praguestepchild

May 5, 2011

He has a PhD in Human Performance, that most intellectually challenging of university degrees. His website shows how he then applied that brilliantly honed mind to the simple art of HTML with stunning success. There's really nothing this guy can't achieve as long as it doesn't require rising above piss poor mediocrity.
Charles

May 5, 2011

Did you have anything about "PR or ER" posted on your site prior to his copyright? Because if you did it could be considered prior art and thus not eligible for copyright…at least not by him. If this is the case you may be able to contest his copyright if so wished. But honestly it is a freaking t-shirt and probably not worth the hassle (read: money). It was a douche bag move on his part. I'm not a lawyer, so this isn't legal advise. Just something that you may want to look into.
Paul Vanzavelberg

May 5, 2011

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yLopFMmjHdA/TcHXdNpWrWI/AAAAAAAABrs/6lefvD-P41U/s1600/map.JPG

Suggested WOD :
– alternatively walking and sprinting 15 miles
– punching a human shit-bag for AMRAP
– alternatively walking and sprinting 15 miles back
Anonymous

May 5, 2011

Truly shitty stuff. I, for one, will be buying the new shirt as soon as it's ready.

Are you sure you have no record of "PR or ER" from back in 2009?
Craig

May 5, 2011

Harshtruth, that is no fucking squid. That is Cthulhu. Look him up and you will realize how badass that shirt is.
Jamie Lewis

May 5, 2011

Craig- Thanks for getting that, haha. I knew someone would eventually. There'll be a fan of either severed heads or skulls impaled on loaded barbells behind him, lest anyone worry. I'm also working on one in which a zombie's rocking a 2 hands anyhow with legions of adoring, buxom zombie broads behind him. Kind of a combination of Porn of the Dead and that famous pic of Arthur Saxon.
Dray

May 5, 2011

I was surprised anyone didn't know it was Cthulhu. But we can't all hang off of HP Lovecraft's balls. (I can feel the shitstorm coming in for that comment already.)

And that second T-shirt sounds fucking awesome.
Dracoy

May 5, 2011

It seems as if everyone is confusing copyright with trademark. Two different forms of protection, mis amigos.
Jamie Lewis

May 5, 2011

Point taken, although either would serve to prevent me from making the shirts. Also, fail for not rhyming.
Thanos

May 5, 2011

Let's see if I get this right.

The guy is proud of not finishing at various events? Including sprinting events?
Jaakko

May 6, 2011

Permissions Returned or that loser to ER.

-Raw Finn
Matthew

May 6, 2011

The Addendum is brilliant… what a cretin.
BLOCK A9 CAMPO

May 6, 2011

I just couldnt keep a straight face when i read "Cannibal Fuel"
BLOCK A9 CAMPO

May 6, 2011

I wonder what phd stands for in this case. He seems like a cretin. Lol isnt human performance a diploma course? Could he just be lying? Even exercise physiology is a diploma course…
Bob

May 6, 2011

Can't wait for the new shit Jamie. It looks awesome.
Glen MacCharles

May 6, 2011

Just out of curiosity, how many of you guys are afraid to ride bicyles?
Rant

May 6, 2011

Or fuck bisexuals?
Dray

May 7, 2011

*crickets*
Abe

May 8, 2011

http://vimeo.com/13628227

hahahah i thought this was hilarious. "ride their bikes and wear colorful shit"
Otacon

May 9, 2011

I'm not particularly afraid to ride a bike. The trick is just having the right seat. Everyone has to get to work somehow.
Wade

May 10, 2011

I wear my PR or ER shirt with an even bigger smile on my face now! I got one and you don't! WINNER!
Tim

May 10, 2011

Just found this from your September 2009 archives. "PR's or ER's, bitches!"

http://chaosandpain.blogspot.com/2009/09/chaos-and-pains-first-official-adherant.html
Rant

May 10, 2011

Just found this from May 2011 post:

"Tim, stop sucking cock, get off your moms computer and get a life"
Justin_PS

May 11, 2011

Cyclists really take the fun out of saying,"I like to ride my bicycle." I still stick to my teenage ways of riding: go wherever the fuck I want, get muddy and dirty, find stuff to jump off, etc…
Tonya

May 16, 2011

Trademark and copyright are two entirely different things. Copyright is the protection of a piece of work (i.e. art, literature, etc.) and is in effect from the moment of creation.

Trademark is the protection of a word, phrase or design (or combination thereof) for the express purpose of marketing a *particular* product or service. It too is in effect from the moment of creation, except that one may register said trademark for easier defense of it in court.

However, this does not prevent other people from using said trademark if it is something common (like a phrase) and bears no relation to the goods or services being marketed. He would be on shaky legal ground to try to prevent the use of a common phrase, especially if it's not being used to market a service similar to his. And on that note, what the hell is he marketing? It looks like a deranged chimp designed his website >:D
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