Plague of Strength

Caligula was famous, according to a play by Lucius Atticus, for championing “Oderint dum Metuant” as his favorite phrase, in addition to having his troops collect seashells as spoils of the sea, fucking everything that moved (including his sisters), killing everything else, making his horse a consul and a priest, and for building a floating bridge across a huge bay and riding his horse across it, just to spite an asshole oracle. I was recently reminded of my appreciation for this statement and think it’s a perfect motto for ChAoS & PAIN- “Let them hate, so long as they fear.”

No doubt you’ve encountered the douches, online and otherwise, who think that bodypart training is the only way to go, and that overtraining is running as rampant throughout American gyms as AIDS through Lesotho (28% of the goofballs in that shithole have it), that FST-7 and Rippetoe are the only ways to get big/strong/awesome if you’ve any inclination to lift weights. At this point, your average gym rat is about as innovative and open to new ideas as your average Puritan in modern day Las Vegas would be.

You know what? Fuck them.

Clearly, you guys by now know that I consider Mark Rippetoe’s Starting Strength to be one of the worst fucking training manuals ever printed- this includes utter shit like “Get On The Ball”.
You might be asking yourself “Why? That fucker promotes squats and cleans, etc.” Yes, yes he does. Kudos for that. I’m sure he promotes eating and breathing as well. Shall we send him a basket of cookies as a thank you? Fuck no. Rippetoe has created a legion of retards who populate gyms across the US who believe that:

1. one cannot lift in anything but Chuck Taylors, who squat pathetically light weights fairly deep (ATG advocates are so vocal because they need to publicly excuse the PATHETIC fucking weights that they lift. Ever read Tom Platz whining about how he squatted deeper than everyone else? Nope. Know why? HE WAS TOO BUSY FUCKING SQUATTING.),
2. use a training volume so astonishingly light that even people with cancer of the AIDS could easily handle,
3. who think that doing Pendlay rows with preloaded barbells will give them a “barn-door back” because their form is strict,
4. and who refuse to deviate from their workout AT ALL, for fear of overtraining. Nevermind the fact that there’s evidence ranging from the success people have had with Sheiko and Smolov, the Bulgarian weightlifting regimen, Westside Barbell, every strongman program on Earth, and the training volume of every single pro football team on the planet.

Compare any of those to this silly horseshit:

Workout A:

• 3×5 Squat
• 3×5 Bench Press
• 1×5 Deadlifts
• **2×8 Dips (if you cant do these or no assist machine then do Decline Dumbbell Bench Press with your hands Facing each other)

Workout B:

• 3×5 Squat
• 3×5 Standing military press
• 3×5 Bent Rows (or power cleans)
• **2×8 Chin-ups (recommended mainly if doing the cleans)

Note: This doesn’t include warm-up sets (**)Means this is OPTIONAL

Assistance Work:

Most people cant get it through their head that compound lifts also work your arms plenty and always insist on direct arm work. As quoted by Madcow2,
“Don’t **** with this. Every bodybuilder seems to have
Attention Deficit Disorder and an overwhelming desire
to customize everything.”

If you are one of these people note that you have the option of doing the dips and chins which give PLENTY of arm work. Abdominal work is fine to do also if needed. I recommend weighted decline sit-ups and/or Hanging Leg Raises at 2×8-10.

I do more volume on my off days than people on Rippetoe do in an entire heavy training session, but then, I’m about as strong raw as Rippetoe was using gear, weigh 60 lbs less, and look good on the beach, whereas he is a sloppy motherfucker. Christ, you can get a higher volume of training working in the yard. It’s fucking absurd. Nevertheless, you will find the pasty-faced pussies all over the internet, espousing this shitbox routine for one reason- they’re weak of spirit, mind, and body. This routine is nothing but an excuse to suck, just like calling one’s self a “hard gainer” or an “ectomorph” is. Most conventional routines will lead to nothing but weakness, close-mindedness, and fat. Avoid them like the plague. And for fuck’s sake, against everything Mark Rippetoe would like you to believe – LIFTING IS FUN. So have fun doing it.

If you want other sources for interesting training techniques, check out the following:

Crossfit– yes, I know it’s a rumba with 10-lb dbs, but I actually lost the stones event to a Crossfit kool-aid drinker, so there has to be something to it, hahaha. Crossfit Bill at Crossfit Renaissance in Philly is the man.It’s worth it just for the chicks.

Brooks Kubik’s Dinosaur Training– This shit is the reason why I started looking into old school lifting techniques and exercises. Awesome program, even if Brooks has the weirdest physique ever.

Steve Justa– The man is a laughingstock, but he’s got some out-of-the-box theories about lifting and GPP. Retarded, but interesting. (A note to Steve P.– HAHAHAHAHAHA got you good, fucker!)

Chad Waterbury– The guy has skills.

So, let them hate you, because anyone doing a conventional routine DEFINITELY fears you. Not just because you’re a fucking loon, if you do anything like C&P, but just because you’re doing something different. And as weightlifting is inherently vaguely antisocial and individualistic, why the fuck would you do what everyone else is doing?

I hope your sister gets polio and your family’s farm goes under. I’ll piss on your grandfather’s grave…. you gerbil tit scumbag!
-Years Spent Cold

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Now playing: Years Spent Cold – Toy Soldier
via FoxyTunes

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