Plague of Strength

How to Raise Your Test Levels Like a Fucking Caveman

Jamie Chaos

One of the most often asked questions at Ye Olde Vitamin Shoppe is regarding that of testosterone levels, and how to raise them. I get marks coming in daily asking about Prime, Halodrol, etc., and they all want to know how to raise their test levels.

Fucking garbage.

THIS JUST IN: Steroids work. The laughably pathetic excuses for prohormones on the market these days don’t work. When they DO work, they’re designer steroids. Chlorodrol, Superdrol, etc… all designer steroids. They tear up your liver and give you good hardons, but they’ve generally got nothing on actual gear. Thus, if you want to actually jack up your test levels, lay hands on some gear from a reputable source and have at it, but save your money and leave the shit at GNC and other supplement stores on the shelves- it’s bunk.

But wait, young padawan… there is a way to raise your test levels, get some GPP in, and have a hell of a good time!

FUCK! Studies have shown conclusively that ejaculations lead to marked increases in serum testosterone levels. The more you cum, the higher your test levels! (One study done on rats by the Instituto de Neuroetologia, Universidad Veracruzana, Xalapa, Ver., Mexico showed that after 2 ejaculations there was a steep rise in serum testosterone and remained higher even after 4 ejaculations in a row!)[1] Then after you lift, your test levels are elevated, so you get in your postworkout shake, or my favorite, Tri-O-Plex Chocolate Chip Cookies. When you get home, bang your girl, or your buddy’s girl, rub one out, or just club a random bitch over the head and drag her into the bushes for a minute, old school flavor.
Clan of the Cave Bear Stylee…

I have a rock solid rule- no matter what is going on in my life, I get off a bare minimum of three times a day, and more if I can. Many, many more times, if I can. I apply the same philosophy to sex that I do to lifting- more is better, and much more is MUCH better. As such, I stay lean as hell, and I fucking SWEAT testosterone.

Higher testosterone levels mean better protein synthesis, more aggression, less bodyfat, and basically make you a bigger badass. Throw on top of that the GPP you get from jerking it, or fucking, and you’ve got a combo made in the ninth circle of hell, a place I will undoubtedly call home one day, haha.

Grip and rip, fuckers!

As an addendum: Any time you see a test booster wherein the ads claim that it works better than ANY steroid, it’s total horseshit. As such, avoid USP Labs’ and Muscletech’s shit like the fucking HIV.

  1. http://www.bodybuildingweb.net/blog/effect-of-ejaculation-sex-on-bodybuilding-gains/

    —————-
    Now playing: Blood Of Our Enemies – A Breath Away From Murder
    via FoxyTunes

Liked it? Take a second to support Jamie Chaos on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!
Jamie Chaos Avatar
Jamie Chaos
I am a former all-time, all federation world record holder in raw powerlifting at 181lbs, a record I broke just to say fuck you to the internet’s “lifting” community and the powerlifting community at large. Over the last ten years I’ve written over 500 articles on strength training, nutrition, and supplementation, and continue to do so simply to fight the tide of weakness and sadness that currently pervades the scene I’ve called home for the better part of three decades. I’ve got personal trainin certs, BodyPump and BodyCombat certs, a BA in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Arizona, and MBAs from the Vienna University and University of South Carolina on my side, in addition to some sick lifts and a hell of a lot of rage. What the fuck have you got?

5 responses to “How to Raise Your Test Levels Like a Fucking Caveman”

  1. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    Because of your “rock solid rule”, I am no longer allowed in the library.

  2. Jamie Lewis Avatar
    Jamie Lewis

    Hahahahahaha.

  3. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    When I was taking zinc pills along with magnezium pills I was blowing humongous loads. And I could shoot them super far too. I could hit my girlfriend's hair every time, no problem!

  4. Daydream Pizzeria Avatar
    Daydream Pizzeria

    You sound like a loser rapist. Get outta here

  5. Daydream Pizzeria Avatar
    Daydream Pizzeria

    You sound like a loser rapist. Get outta here

Search

Latest Posts

Latest Comments

Categories

Archives

Tags

anti-motivation Arthur Saxon baddest motherfuckers biology bodybuilder bodybuilding boxing Bruce Lee catch wrestling Chicken circus diet Ella Hattan fencing Freyja'd Knot Harold Poole history horror karate Keto kettlebells Life behind the curtain lifting lifting history miscellaneous motivation Mr America nutrition powerlifting pullups questions answered Russian history squat steve reeves strongman training true crime Turners vaudeville weightlifting What we Eat William Miller workout wrestler wrestling

Newsletter

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.

Insert the contact form shortcode with the additional CSS class- "wydegrid-newsletter-section"

By signing up, you agree to the our terms and our Privacy Policy agreement.