In Part One, we learned about the fact that without healthcare most of the people rioting will probably have themselves out of the gene pool in 50 years, because they’ve got cellulite on their earlobes and their collective diabetes is serious enough that if they spit on you, their fucking saliva will throw you out of ketosis. If you missed it, click these words. The TLDR of part one, though, is that

it’s much more likely that you’ll find a sober 20 something in a Boston bar on St Patty’s Day than you will a physically fit man in fighting shape voting for Trump. In fact, it’s far more likely that if you hug a Republican too hard, cream cheese will be pressed directly out of their pores like they’re a sponge filled with cheesecake.

In part 2, you’ll learn that the sloth and indolence that the conservatives express through their physiques is actually just a reflection of their weak, ugly insides. Now, as correlation does not equal causation I will not deign to suggest that I know the root of the issue- it is their idiocy that causes them to be terrible people, or is it the fact they’re so lazy that they’re fat and stupid and evil? That question remains for social scientists to ponder over the next few decades as we deal with the various limp-dicked, half assed insurrections these halfwits foment because they don’t understand the meaning of any of the words they endlessly bleat, least of all any pertaining to the first two amendments to the American Constitution.

While you’re about to see the statement about Republican voters is factually true, the meme obviously isn’t because Trump rarely states a fact if he can help it. Stop sharing memes without fact checking them- that sort of shit is what Republicans do. Be better than that.

Conservatives Are Not Exactly a Fucking Brain Trust

It should come as a shock to no person with ears or eyes and a basic command of the English language that conservatives are not a bright bunch. Given that they elected a man who speaks considerably worse English than your average recent immigrant Uber driver, it should be relatively unsurprising that the educated people in America definitely don’t live in the red states. The reasoning behind this can be explained in a variety of ways that don’t involve me impugning the characters of the people living in those states, but I’m not in that kind of mood. As Colin Woodard described in agonizingly great detail throughout his book American Nations, the Southern states were founded by the worst of British aristocracy. They were the least intelligent, most indolent (that means lazy) and the most racist motherfuckers Britain had to offer, while the Appalachians were filled with violent Scots-Irish so fiercely dedicated to resisting the incursion of the wider world at large that they have openly resisted efforts at improving their literacy. And civilization in general, while we’re at it.

It’s not surprising then, that they’re stupid before they even hit the books and loudly and aggressively continue that trend throughout their diabetes and illiteracy-filled lives. Science has correlated childhood IQ and adult political ideologies, and it’s about what you would expect. The more red your hat, the lower your IQ, and vice-versa.

Kanazawa Figure 3

Religion also correlates in exactly the manner you’d expect, with the very religious using a big handful of wadded up god to pack the gap in intelligence between themselves and the useful. And that’s not to suggest that the mentally handicapped are without use- they might have slow CPUs, but those motherfuckers are overclocking them and running them hot every fucking day, whereas the dumbshits in DC made a conscious choice to follow the example of their parents and be fat, lazy, stupid, racist motherfuckers with terrible fashion sense and even worse taste in music.

Kanazawa Figure 4

Degree holding goes exactly how you would expect after seeing the charts above- with people in the red states running from books like they were perpetually on fire, they’re not exactly snatching up the nation’s degrees in any kind of numbers.

States with Highest Percentages of Bachelors Degree Holders

All blue.

  1. Washington DC (48.5%)
  2. Massachusetts (38.2%)
  3. Maryland (37.3%),
  4. Colorado (35.9%), and
  5. Connecticut (35.6%).

States with Highest Number of Advanced Degree Holders (Masters and PhD)

All blue again.

  1. Washington DC (28%),
  2. Massachusetts (16.4%),
  3. Maryland (16%),
  4. Connecticut (15.5%), and
  5. Virginia (14.1%).

The Dumbest Motherfuckers in the US, By State

I genuinely don’t even understand how a person could fail to graduate high school- legitimately mentally retarded people can make it through high school in four years. In any event, southerners fail to graduate high school like they’re achieving a fucking success with it. If failure were an Olymnpic event, the American South would sweep the fucking medals every year, edging out even such tough perennial competitors like the “Democratic” Republic of the Congo (where the West has to fund militias to protect the remaining wildlife from slaughter, and some of that wildlife includes the very human Pygmies, who are reportedly eaten by the Bantu Congolese) and French Guiana (which has the highest suicide rate in the world).And then they wonder why no one bothers to explain Covid to them- those dumb motherfuckers should have opened their eyes and ears in high school, and should know now that as dumb shits they should shut the fuck up and do as they’re told. It seems they are too stupid for even that.

These are all red save California, which by district is far more conservative than people think (Northern and Eastern California are just as red as the deep South).

  1. Alabama (82.1% HS, 22.0% BA, 7.7% MA)
  2. Alaska (91.4%, 26.6%, 9.0%)
  3. Arizona (84.2%, 25.6%, 9.3%)
  4. Arkansas (82.4%, 18.9%, 6.1%)
  5. California (80.6%, 29.9%, 10.7%)
Clearly, the conservatives struggle with science, and I was unable to locate a Christian analog to Pubmed to consult for this article, though i think their theories would be at best scientifically suspect.

Scientists Weigh in on Why Conservatives are So Much Dumber Than Liberals

Not to put too fine a point on it, but

the prevailing theory for why stupid people are socially conservative is that they actually less physically evolved than their liberal counterparts.

Frankly, that theory chafes only insofar as waiting seems to be our only option. As the Savanna-IQ Interaction Hypothesis, explains, social conservatives appear to be a couple of generations behind this year’s new Android (and some are even suffering like iPhone users, behind the Android users even if they’re on the latest model). This theory, which arises out of the Savanna Principle and the generally accepted theory of the evolution of general intelligence, suggests

“that more intelligent individuals may be more likely to acquire and espouse evolutionarily novel values, such as liberalism, atheism, and, for men, sexual exclusivity, than less intelligent individuals, while general intelligence may have no effect on the acquisition and espousal of evolutionarily familiar values” like marriage, family, and friends (Kanazawa). 

This correlation isn’t temporal, either- both childhood and adult intelligence metrics can accurately predict one’s opinions on liberalism, atheism, sexual exclusivity (for men, but not women), and even vegetarianism (more intelligent children are more likely to become vegetarian, as intelligence also correlates strongly with pacifism, feminism, and environmentalism. Before you get your back up, realize that I too thought that only the stupid and weak were empathetic or emotional until I realized the people I always idolized, like the Mongols, Huns, and Vikings, were all wildly emotional people who were also insanely violent and intelligent. The Vikings were the scribes of Northern Europe, and all of the Germanic tribes are best known throughout antiquity for their artisanship and metallurgical skills- they were hardly pussies or idiots. The Mongols, for their part, specifically disallowed the killing of skilled artisans, engineers, scientists, and scribes, and helped the East-West spread of technology throughout Eurasia even as they stacked bodies like cordwood. And once more, science has our backs, because intelligence and empathy are statistically correlated as well (Casas).

And when you think about it, it only makes sense- no one is going to put a person like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory in charge of anything involving humans, ever, because it would be like giving a person with Down’s Syndrome his normal job. Emotionally crippled people (like conservatives) are just that, and being crippled has never in history turned anyone into a badass… save for maybe Ivarr the Boneless. And he was one evil little scheming shitslug, so he shouldn’t be anyone’s role model anyway.

And as to the less evolved bit, here’s a very simple explanation:

“Humans are naturally omnivorous, and anyone who eschewed animal protein and ate only vegetables in the ancestral environment, in the face of food scarcity and precariousness of its supply, was not likely to have survived long and stayed healthy enough to have become our ancestors.  Vegetarianism would therefore be an evolutionarily novel value,” and that value is one that our less evolved counterparts lack (Kanazawa).

So there you have it- conservatives are what they are because they’re outdated models trying to compete in a very fast-paced world they barely understand. To make things worse, they denigrate learning and intellectualism, compounding their problem because their already too-small hard drives are mostly left empty. And they’re not the only ones- Tara and I can only read so many fucking books a week, and we’re seriously propping up these dogshit numbers. Hardly anyone reads anymore, and it’s a fucking disgrace. If you want to be on the right side of history, maybe figure out why you’re on that side using logic, rather than just following the trends. Plus, learning shit rules. I am living proof.

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Be better today than you were yesterday, every day.

As I stated in part 1, the people against whom we are fighting are not individualists- they are assimilationists. It is easy to see who they are online in that they invariably talk about the strength and weakness of a person or one’s actions rather than whether or not they were good or bad (Liebrand). This is because they look to their peers for approval on an action rather than thinking about the action itself, and their moral compass plays far less a role in their behavior than the perception of their actions by their peers. This means, however, that your good behavior can influence their behavior, because they genuinely cannot help themselves- they must emulate the behavior of their peer group. Thus, if we set a positive example for them to follow, it might help make them slightly less unpleasant, but not entirely. Perhaps due to their physical limitations, even their lemming-like urges to follow the pack won’t get them to exhibit truly prosocial behavior, but it can improve their casual helping practices (Brohmer).

Better something than nothing, right?

So every time a conservative opens their fucking mouth, use these statistics (and your fists if you want) to shut it- that’s why I went to the trouble of writing this series in the first place. As I’ve shown, conservatives for the most part have no valid opinions because they know nothing, have been nowhere, have done nothing, and will be nothing- they are stupid, lazy, short-sighted, selfish, and obsessed with assimilation. That said, they’re frightened and heavily armed, so treat them like you would any mentally retarded person brandishing a firearm and let the cops handle it lest you accidentally catch a round (they can’t fucking shoot for shit either, because they’re good at very, very little). Despite what Behind the Bastards might say, the cops are certainly not all bad- they just have been saddled with some really, really shitty outdated models and they’re working with an outmoded system in dire need of an update.

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I am one man fighting an entire universe of sloth and stupidity, and I’m not above asking for a bit of help. This is DIY as fuck, so if you can throw me some loot to aid in my efforts, I’ll definitely put it to vitriolic good use.

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Sources:

Brohmer H, Fauler A, Floto C, Athenstaedt U, Kedia G, Eckerstorfer LV, Corcoran K. Inspired to Lend a Hand? Attempts to Elicit Prosocial Behavior Through Goal Contagion. Front Psychol. 2019; 10: 545.

Casas RS, Xuan Z, Jackson AH, Stanfield LE, Harvey NC, Chen DC. Associations of medical student empathy with clinical competence. Patient Educ Couns. 2017 Apr;100(4):742-747.

Kanazawa S. Why liberals and atheists are more intelligent. Social Psychology Quarterly. 2010, 73(1):33-57.

Kanazawa, Satoshi.  Why Liberals and Atheists Are More Intelligent.  American Sociological Association.  Web.  22 Oct 2019.  https://www.asanet.org/research-and-publications/journals/social-psychology-quarterly/why-liberals-and-atheists-are-more-intelligent

Liebrand WB, Jansen RW, Rijken VM, Suhre CJ.  Might over morality: Social values and the perception of other players in experimental games.  J Exp Soc Psych, May 1986. 22(3):203-215.

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