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The French Have Finally Given The World Something Of Value- The Dukan Diet
- Attack Phase– this is a pure protein diet utilized to kickstart fat loss
- Cruise Phase– pure protein days alternated with quasi-paleo days on which you can add select vegetables
- Consolidation Phase– intended to prevent rebound, this phase is a bit looser than the cruise phase
- Permanent Stabilization Phase– basically, eat whatever the fuck you want, with one protein day
- On determining one’s ideal weight: it’s better to ask yourself what weight is realistic and at which you’d feel good than to fantasize about looking like a celebrity. Abstractions in shit like this generally lead to failure.
- Your body’s biological memory of your most common bodyweight can never be erased. As such, you should focus on losing weight gradually, rather than in big jumps- big jumps will waste the willpower you’ll need to stabilize your weight at a reasonable level, rather than momentarily hitting a new high or low.
- The DD includes a true weight calculator, which is pretty interesting, and Dukan notes that a man’s stable bodyweight increases 2.6 lbs per decade, and a woman’s increases 1.8 lbs.
- On a diet, you should refrain from using too much salt- this will reduce water retention and help keep your appetite at bay. Salt intake increases salivation and gastric acidity, which trigger feelings of hunger. Also, Dukan mentions that an increase in water with a concomitant decrease in salt will reduce the appearance of cellulite.
- Fats are public enemy #1, and simple carbohydrates are #2. I, of course, disagree with this sentiment for strength athletes (see last blog for more info).
The only hard and fast rules on this bitch is that you must consume 1.5 tablespoons of oat bran every day (he recommends making it into a galette), drink 1.5Q of water per day, and eat as much of the allowed foods as you want. Insofar as duration is concerned, he recommends a 3 day attack for people looking to lose less than 20 pounds (total), a 1 day attack for people looking to lose less than 10 lbs, and 7-10 days for Walmart fatties. Finally, he recommends 20 minutes of walking a day, but quite frankly if you think 20 minutes of walking constitutes exercise, then the series of odd decisions you’ve made in finding this site leads me to believe that you’re probably here for the porn.
Vegetables that are ok’d by Dukan for this phase: tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes, spinach, lettuce, asparagus, leeks, green beans, cabbage, mushrooms, celery, fennel, eggplant, zuccchini, summer squash, peppers, and provided they’re not at every meal, carrots and beets. No amount of whining, pleading, cajoling, or other tomfoolery will make potatoes or corn vegetables. They’re not. It’s science. Accept it and move on with your lives.
Consolidate Your Position
At this point in the diet, you should have a pretty fucking good idea of what got you to where you are, a healthy respect for that knowledge, and a desire not to blow the whole goddamned thing because you’ve already broken your ass dieting for a month. This phase takes that and rolls it into a ball with what regular (FAT *cough* FAT) people consider a “normal”/”balanced” diet. The idea here is to train yourself to have portion control so you maintain your weight. Your body’s not taking that shit laying down, however, and will fight tooth and nail to regain its lost fat. At this point, people find they’re cold, tired, constantly hungry, and have increased caloric absorption… essentially, it’s a big bag of bullshit.
- eat anything you want, but you only get a single portion, and your portion size should be moderated by reason
- eat one of every one of the haute-cuisine courses to provide yourself with a full meal experience- 1 appetizer, 1 entree, 1 dessert, and 1 glass of wine.
- cannot have two celebration meals in a row
The DD is structured so that you never have to return to a life of bulimia to manage your weight, and the Permanent Stabilization routine is the key to the whole shitteree, according to MM. Dukan. This phase is actually simpler than the rest, as it involves eating whatever the fuck you want 6 days a week (provided you’re still getting your 2TBSP of oat bran a day, eating the pure protein diet one day a week, and never using an escalator or elevator again in your life. The latter recommendation only really works in sub-saharan Africa or a country that is bombed flat by its neighbor twice a century, but would likely be suicidal if you lived in the Burj Khalifa or wanted to stand at the top of the Empire State Building.
According to Dukan, however, this thing will keep you slender as a baguette-eater for the remainder of your days, and apparently does not require that you own a beret to do so.
Q: I can’t find sugar-free yogurt!!! HELP!
Q: Where should I go to get recipes/more information/anything else because I’m too fucking lazy to read the book?
Q: Is cum allowed on this diet? [Editor’s note: I very literally was asked this question. Twice.]
“Although cum may look creamy and opaque, it contains very little fat, and few calories. One teaspoon of cum contains about 5 calories, and the average ejaculation produces about a tablespoon of semen, for a total of 15 calories. Because of the sugars in seminal fluid, we’d guess that it has a few carbohydrates, but considering the relatively small volume of semen per “serving” we’d guess the total amount to be negligible.Given that cum is a high-protein, low-carb snack, you’d think the Atkins Diet people would be all over it by now. Plus, when you factor in the calories expended in performing oral sex, chances are you’re burning off much more than you’re consuming. The only way that swallowing during a blow job will make you fat is if you cover your lover’s dick with whipped cream and chocolate syrup.” (Don’t Spit)
Per Wikipedia: “Semen is primarily water, but contains trace amounts of almost every nutrient the human body uses.[citation needed] It has somewhat higher amounts of commonly deficient minerals, such as potassium, magnesium, and selenium. One typical ejaculation contains 150 mg of protein, 11 mg of carbohydrates, 6 mg fat, 3 mg cholesterol, 7% US RDA potassium and 3% US RDA copper and zinc.”
Nazar, Robyn. Dukan Diet: New Weight Loss Fad for Celebs. http://www.emaxhealth.com/4214/dukan-diet-new-weight-loss-fad-celebs
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20 responses to “The French Have Finally Given The World Something Of Value- The Dukan Diet”
Followed this diet in 2005, and lost 15kg in 3 months (92k -> 77k).
Unfortunately, I've since got back everything (and more).
I recently read about keto diets and how you're not supposed to remove all fats from your food like Dukan does for no good reason (except that fat = calories, but then again, we still need to eat, don't we ? ), and I tend to think now that his diet forbids too many things.
Make yourself a favor and read into keto diets, you'll lose as fast as with Dukan, but at least, you'll be able to eat tasty food and not hate you for eating insipid stuff.
I'm a big fan of keto diets and have blogged about them like crazy, actually.
Reminds me of the ABCDE diet you blogged about previously, only with some interesting caveats.
"Yes, cum is a very important part of any diet."
Really? REALLY? I should hope you're not suggesting I down a quart of jism over the week.
I'm sure you could down that much in a day Dray.
too complicated i couldnt be fucked reading most of that, let alone doing it
HAHAHA. The edit.
Excellent! I have this book. Very similar to Atkins, with more protein less fat.
Going to give it s go. Can't squat for 6 weeks(fractured foot) don't need to eat much to bench.
I'd call this the common sense diet – centered around the most important macronutrient while making calorie reduction possible without killing yourself.
Then again, where's the sense in the age of the twinkie diet haha
But a nice post Jamie and it's really amusing that you had to go all the way back to Rigoulot to find a badass french guy as a header haha
As much as support Alexis Texas, this blog is in dire need of Kelly Divine and Monica Santhiago.
Thanks for the summary on the diet.
I've just realised that my full body workouts last for approximately 2 hours. it's that supposed to be that way? I take no more than 40 seconds of rest between sets. I'm seriously thinking on switching to a legs/push pull split.
Hey Jamie. What kind of diet would you recommend to someone who tries to get leaner and stronger and who squats heavy everyday (John Broz style)? I thought about the keto diet but it seems alot of people complain about losing strength on it and I'm wondering if it's overkill if you squat for 2 hours everyday and cut out carbs. Thanks for your answer.
grabs0n–
From my experience, I'd say not to worry too much about doing strict keto.
When I started daily lifting to max, I ate 3 times a day and kept all the meals protein-centric.
So… basically Leangains+paleo+occasional junk food gorge.
Kept my weight steady without any effort on my part.
Pendlay wrote an article on diet:
http://glennpendlay.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/food/
http://www.cookingwithcum.com/ <—FUCKING HILARIOUS
Jamie, don't you think you're being harsh on the French? They did keep the world supplied with a good, steady supply of lesbian porn back in the 1920's.
Who among us was alive to be able to benefit from that smut in the fucking 1920's?
your new logo is kickass!!
How did i miss this gem. Fucking informative and hilarious. A lad in my class is doing the ducan thing and getting sponsored to do it! He has lost 30 lbs already and hasnt cheated. Proud of him so i thought id diet harder too! Yeah that stabilization thing is something alot of fat offseason bodybuilders battle with…but its a great discipline to learn!
A lad in the gym today flat out said "paleo is the only way to do things". Nonsense. I wish he'd try and break that statement down logically! HE threw my packet of runner beans on the floor when i gave him a look (joking of course). My packet of runner beans in my hand was a big step up from the monster ripper the week before!
My diet for the past while has been as follows:
Protein + peanut butter for 3 meals.
3 cups of coffee
Steak/Steak burgers+ low carb salad sauce and spinach leaves+ herbal teas.
Tuna can
Bit of chicken.
Vitamin.
Melatonin.
Bed.
Although today i thought id buy dark chocolate rice cakes and throw them in post workout.
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