Forewarned is forearmed- if you’re a hard-line right-winger (and for whatever reason there seem to be quite a number of you), much of this article will upset you and, were you to read and absorb it, likely shatter your worldview. As I realize that some people are impossible to educate, you can just save yourself massive amounts of impotent rage and futile indignation at my presentation of facts by skipping to the On Boxing and On Fencing section heads. There’s no sense in denying you some cool information because you live in some sort of a delusional dystopia.
When we left off in part two of this series, Colonel Thomas Hoyer Monstery, freedom- fighter, mercenary, weapons master, crack shot, and badass bare-knuckle fighter- had moved to New York City and enjoyed massive success between his training of stage actors (and in particular females) in the art of fighting and in sportfighting itself. He’d recently begun working alongside the Turner movement in the US to spread physical fitness (and likely to poach their better fighters).
The Turners were considered to be a particularly valuable training resource for the much more close-minded British, whose zeitgeist at the time was dominated by the ultimately shitty and generally evil Muscularly Christianity movement, which at that point was more of a “hey, harden the fuck up” movement simply hamstrung by shitty social ideals and mores. According to the excise scientists of the time, German physical culture produced vastly superior athletes, as
“There no one is allowed to teach gymnastics till he has gone through systematic training and passes a government examination in the theory and practice of gymnastics. Again, their gymnasia put ours to shame, both for size and completeness of apparatus, while their international competitions can only be admired at a respectful distance, It must not be imagined that these competitions are limited to a few pieces of apparatus such as we are familiar with in most English competitions. While the principle work in the competition is done on the horizontal bar, parallel bars, and horse, yet it also includes high jumping, long jumping, pole jumping, running, weight-lifting and climbing- a fairly comprehensive programme” (Pickard).
Before you get too excited about the Turners, know that most of you would call them pussies and end up staring at your guts as they piled onto the floor, because like Monstery, the Turners were hard-line progressives (the evil, evil liberals) who took no shit from conservatives and defended their surprisingly inclusive beliefs against the weird little frightened traditionalists surrounding them by force of arms if necessary. If you needed more evidence that liberals are not the pussies the right wing makes them out to be beyond the surfeit of professional fighters who lean more to the left than to the right (Colby Covington and Chael Sonnon don’t exactly inspire fear or confidence as representatives of the actually limp-wristed, frightened daddy’s boys and girls of the right), you need only to look at the lifters of the late 19th and early 20th Century.
- Eugen Sandow was a sex worker of undefined sexual limits;
- Bernarr McFadden, Jack LaLanne, Vic Tanny, and Joe Gold were all social liberals at the very least (McFadden was a hypersexual, polyamorous, sometime pornographer as well);
- Monstery taught women to trash men in armed and unarmed combat and allied himself with the single greatest all-round athlete of the time not named Donald Dinnie who shared his libertine ideals, and the earliest gyms in the United States were founded by socialist progressives who could and would gouge out the eyes of the red-hat-bedecked, fatass illiterates currently flooding our scene with their diabetes, ignorance, weakness, and general distastefulness.
Literally every part of lifting culture is leftist, from its foundations to the dumbass programming most people seem to enjoy, to the fact that in the gym it’s an entirely level playing field when hitting the weights- may the strongest, most ripped people win.
Of note: The Turners had been forced out of Germany after their founder was arrested for “Democratic demagoguery” by the Prussian monarchy, so they found new homes in Britain and its newly independent colony the United States. Though in that light they might be considered a somewhat subversive, as they were both egalitarian and foreign, but the Turners quickly became staunchly Americanized, and insisted that anyone who wished to become a Turner in the United States be a citizen or a person with an interest in becoming one, making it once difficult to comprehend in modern America, as the influence of Germans on American society is usually believed to basically be restricted to fascism and a fetish for punctuality, but in this case they were hyper-American, socialist (in a social democrat sense), well educated, fiercely democratic, hyper fit, and generally skilled at doing other people serious bodily harm. In essence, nothing like what we think of any modern German (or American, for that matter).
“The Turners stand for the ennoblement of the human race, for broad-minded liberation of humankind from all force, bigotry and superstition, for the truly Democratic development of the State, for the rational education of the youth to true and efficient citizenship of the Republic. Strongly individualistic, the Turner desires a republic, in which each citizen is truly sovereign, but in which the welfare of all stands higher than the advantage of individuals” (Weier 13).
To add insult to injury where the red-hatters are concerned is that although they fit the tough guy bill because they
“served as President Lincoln’s personal bodyguards as he toured the nation,” the right would be horrified to discover that “Turners were influential in developing the “ethnic vote” as a force for liberal Republican politics. They were also early advocates for women’s suffrage and equal rights, and were one of the first German-American organizations to publicly denounce the atrocities of National Socialism and Hitler’s regime in Germany”
Monstery likely never spoke out on racial issues because it never occurred to him he needed to do so- racial equality was probably painfully obvious to him. He spent the majority of his years in non-white countries, so it likely never occurred to him to have to say much beyond randomly dueling people and fucking them up in support of the Union over the US fight over slavery and teaching people of both genders and all ethnic backgrounds. Monstery was however particularly outspoken about training the fairer sex, stating things like
“[Fencing] makes a woman active- quick to see; gives her command of her limbs, enables her to protect herself in the street, to move quickly and with certainty… It brings color to her cheek, elasticity to her limbs, and adds years to her life” (Monstery 24).
Adah Isaacs-Menken (in what essentially amounts to soft-core porn) was one of Monstery’s earliest and most successful female students, in addition to the highest-earning performer (male or female) of her time in spite of the fact she was mixed-race (black and Creole). I’ll cover more of this badass broad in the Ella Hattan article, but to pique your curiosity I’ll let you know she apparently couldn’t act worth a shit, but she was the Tom Cruise of her time- she did insane stage stunts no one else would, and her combat skills were fucking legendary. If you want more info, you can check this bit out.
In a later interview, he added the following:
“Ladies as fencers are superior to gentleman in many respects. They surpass the male pupils in quickness, in determination, and the peculiar kind of endurance and nerve-forces required” (Ibid).
As early as the 1850s, Monstery was playing celebrity trainer and teaching fencing to most famous stage actresses of the day. Twenty years later in New York City, he began running ads offering “Private Instruction to Ladies and Misses” in both fencing and calisthenics (Miller “Colonel). In 1886, his female students performed an exhibition in the Chicago Opera House that may have fomented the female fencing boom that exploded in the last decade of the nineteenth century., and by 1888 he was teaching not one but two classes of “lady-boxing” and he taught another Bartitsu-esque class in which he taught the use of the parasol as a weapon of self-defense after the women had mastered the basics of fencing. “Though the natural impulse is to club someone with a parasol,” Monstery trained them not to engage in that pussy shit and to bring the hardest of the hardcore moves- “he taught them to use it like a ‘bayonet thrust, which would break a rib, or a one-handed thrust, that would put out an eye'” (Monstery 26).
“An umbrella is a fearful weapon if used with both hands like a bayonet. It will parry the blows of a big bully, and you can return him a stab in the face or breast or stomach that will settle him. A lady can defend herself from outrage with her parasol in the same way…I remember a certain girl who killed a ruffian who assaulted her by a stab with the point of her parasol” (Monstery).
In another wildly sensible move, Monstery also insisted that his female students ditch their corsets, which while incredibly fashionable were also horrific for their musculature, digestion, and breathing, along with “‘any other of those modern inventions…wherewith the female human form divine is disguised as a human monstrosity.’ Corsets, the habitual use of which would later be linked to health problems, were condemned by Monstery in favor of comfortable garments “loose enough to allow free-play to every muscle and sinew'” (Monstery).
As if Monstery’s life hadn’t already one of the most profoundly inspiring and successful lives ever lived by a human being, he had one gift left to give the world- Ella Hattan. Though I will cover Ella Hattan, “La Jaguarina” in depth in a future article, she was a suprememly badass female fighter who stood a stout as fuck 5’8″ and 200 pounds and is generally considered to be one, if not the most, of the formidable female fighters the world has ever seen.
“As a half-Spanish woman, she cheerfully informed interviewers it was her (terrifying) cultural heritage to be proficient in a wide variety of bladed weaponry. Although she was an unrivaled master of foil, epee, saber, and knife fighting, it was the short-lived sport of equestrian fencing where she truly excelled. At the time, the US was caught up in the stories of old-school jousting, and some thought to reinvent it for the modern era by combining two great tastes that go great together: one-handed horseback riding and live bladed weaponry” (Porath).
Hattan trashed just about everyone put in front of her, male or female, including dudes who decided to talk spicy to her on the street. After dominating the fight circuit she went into vaudeville, working to educate the public on fencing techniques while serving as a comic foil in the shows (she was apparently funnier than a motherfucker), as well as a semi-nude model for paintings and “living paintings” called tableau vivant– the Victorian Age’s version of live cam shows. She frequently revisited Monstery after breaking off to do her own thing, engaging in a four-hour fencing contest with him that was declared a draw , and other times had warm-up fencing matches with Monstery before engaging in serious bouts with men on horseback.
“For although Hattan gave credit to various other fencing teachers (such as an “old actor,” and a Mexican cavalry officer), it is telling that in all of her interviews, Monstery is the only instructor Hattan ever mentioned by name—and repeatedly. In 1898, she stated simply that “Colonel Monstery of Chicago, a famous old Danish swordsman who had fought in the Mexican war, was my teacher” (Miller “Colonel”).
Monstery On “Boxing”
As I have already written exhaustively on Monstery, I’ll just include Ben Miller’s excellent explanation of Monstery’s fighting style and his opinions on gloved boxing techniques versus bare-knuckle:
“Although Monstery refers to his system of unarmed self-defense as “boxing” or “sparring,” in his treatise he presents something far more comprehensive. In addition to striking with the fist (which method he partly bases on fencing theory), Monstery’s system involves kicking, grappling, defenses against head-butting, and a wide variety of other fighting styles. Also, Monstery’s system is notably intended for use without gloves. Although boxing had, in past centuries, originally developed as a bare-knuckle martial art, by the late nineteenth century, its focus and objective had largely shifted to winning at gloved competition—even though its techniques were still often taught under the pretext of ‘self-defense.’
“You cannot compare the fighter of the past with those of today…Today glove-fighting is like sandbagging. You hit a man in the right place and he drops dizzy and unconscious… [in the past] it was the artist in those days that gave the straight punches, and it was the artist that won the fight.”
‘I am not writing for or teaching prize-fighters. I am teaching gentlemen how to defend themselves if assaulted by ruffians…’
He also includes sections on grappling, trips, back-falls, headlocks, and unconventional techniques for use in “street encounters,” with the proviso: “I teach the following tricks, not with any idea that they are to be used in friendly encounters with the gloves, but solely for the protection of gentlemen who may, at any time, against their will, be forced into an encounter with a street ruffian'” (Miller “Victorian Gentleman).
If you want to read Monstery’s insight on battling against the weird fighting styles he’d encountered, like butting and purring, go here. That article has great excerpts from Monstery’s book, for which that author wrote the preface.
Monstery On Fencing
Monstery was obviously a massive fan of fencing, but hated the direction sport fencing was going. Rather than penalizing fencers for what would amount to suicide attacks in real life, fencers began gaming the system to force what would be fatal-to-the-attacker assaults into the norm. This is what led badass swordfighters like Monstery and Eugenio Pini to threaten the life of fencers like Rene Senac, as he was claiming to have supreme skill at an activity that would leave him dead if it hadn’t been nerfed to serve as a training aid- in fact, the defense Senac misused with both fighters was the one Monstery correctly used to kill his opponent in one of his two fatal duels.
As Miller demonstrated in his article on the Monstery-Senac drama, Monstery had a lot to say about where fencing was going, and none of it seemed good. In interviews with a couple of different newspapers, Monstery made the following remarks”
- “An assault of arms should be conducted with the same precaution as if life itself was at stake.”
- “There is only one safe practice to follow in foil fencing. This is to imitate as closely as possible the contest with the naked point. No one but a maniac would take thrust for thrust from an adversary with sharp points, unless, indeed, he were a very inferior swordsman, who wished to take some sort of revenge by piercing his enemy’s shoulder, at the price of a mortal wound through his own lungs. By striking off this vicious provision, ample room will be left for the legitimate time-thrust and stopping-thrust, which are marks of the highest skill in fencing if the giver not be hit while delivering them.”
- “The consequences of simultaneous blows with sabres cannot fail to be disastrous to both parties. In an actual sabre duel, their delivery would require two maniacs instead of one.”
In that way, Monstery’s views on hand-to-hand combat matched those of his on fencing, and still stand as useful advice for anyone who’s training to fight. They also explain how fencing went from the sport of badasses to the sport of the kids in the drama club who suck at even simple sports like kickball (and yeah, I am aware there are likely great athletes in fencing, but there are also jacked people who are great at chess).
Lessons to Be Learned from Colonel Thomas Hoyer Monstery
- Practical exercise is preferable to calisthenics/weight lifting. Monstery was a big believer in this, but he also greatly appreciated swordplay, and it held extra importance as being a life-saver. For that reason he also placed swimming and boxing above weightlifting and calisthenics.
- The past often hides its mysteries in plain sight– swimming was so commonly known in ancient Greece that to be accused of not knowing how to swim was a grave insult. Like the Greeks, the Romans boxed and swam almost to a person (well, male person, at least), but by the 18th century hardly anyone could swim due to fear of plague and laws forbidding nude swimming. Monstery was considered a revolutionary for spreading education about these two activities, though all he really did was resurrect dead arts. That last bit should be serious food for thought.
- Women are just as capable fighters as men. This is not an opinion- this is a truth held to be self-evident by Monstery, and aptly demonstrated by his pupils. Any contrary opinion was and is incorrect, and should either be abandoned or the holder of that opinion to be shunned- at some point true understanding of even simple facts is impossible for people with low intellects and a lofty opinion of themselves.
- “The frequent use of deadly weapons… is such a disgrace to our civilization.” In Monstery’s mind, guns are usually the first resort of the weakling, and most people in the habit of carrying weapons stop doing so when they begin “feeling a confidence that they could use the weapons of nature with sufficient force to protect themselves from the insults or outrages of ruffians stronger than themselves” (Monstery 73). Bear in mind Monstery wrote that in a time when police were virtually nonexistent in the world, and riots, shootings, robbings, and beatings were an order of magnitude more common than they are.
- “Leftist” isn’t a synonym for pussy. That should’ve been obvious with a cursory glance at just about any violent sport, but I’d say Monstery, Edward Barton-Wright, Bruce Lee, and stand as unassailable counterpoints to the argument that the party of loudmouthed shitbags like Colby Covington is the “tough guy” party.
Further Reading:
If you want to read any of the fiction featuring Monstery, here is a good starting place. His book on self-defense and all of Miller’s other articles on the man are all linked in the Sources, if you want to check them out as well. Frankly, I cannot believe no one’s yet made a movie about this guy, because his life was interesting enough to fill a fucking series,
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Sources:
Beezley, William H. Judas at the Jockey Club and Other Episodes of Porfirian Mexico (3rd Ed.). Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 2004.
“The Gymnasium, Swimming Pool, and Boxing Rings.” Origins, season 2, episode 20. 1 Dec 2015.
Miller, Ben. A bare-knuckle fight at Colonel Monstery’s. Out of This Century. 7 May 2015. Web. 4 June 2020. https://outofthiscentury.wordpress.com/2015/05/07/a-bare-knuckle-fight-at-colonel-monsterys/
Miller, Ben. Colonel Thomas Monstery, and the Training of Jaguarina, America’s Champion Swordswoman. Martial Arts New York. 31 Mar 2015. Web. 20 May 2020.
https://martialartsnewyork.org/2015/03/31/colonel-thomas-monstery-and-the-training-of-jaguarina-americas-champion-swordswoman/
Miller, Ben. A grand assault-of-arms in old New York, directed by Col. Thomas Monstery. Out of This Century. 9 Apr 2015. Web. 26 May 2020. https://outofthiscentury.wordpress.com/2015/04/09/a-grand-assault-of-arms-in-old-new-york-directed-by-col-thomas-monstery/
Miller, Ben. The Monstery-Senac Fencing Contest of 1876. 19 May 2015. Web. 31 May 2020. https://outofthiscentury.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/the-monstery-senac-fencing-contest-of-1876/
Miller, Ben. The Victorian gentleman’s self-defense toolkit. Out of This Century. 12 Feb 2010. Web. 3 Jun 2020. https://outofthiscentury.wordpress.com/2010/02/12/the-victorian-gentlemans-self-defense-toolkit/
Milwaukee Turners history. Milwaukee Turners. Web. 4 Jun 2020. http://www.milwaukeeturners.org/history
Monstery, Colonel Thomas Hoyer Monstery and Ben Miller (ed.). Self Defense for Gentlemen and Ladies: A Nineteenth-Century Treatise on Boxing, Kicking, Grappling, and Fencing with the Cane and Quarterstaff. Berkeley: Blue Snake Books, 2015.
Moore, Louis. I Fight for a Living: Boxing and the Battle for Black Manhood, 1880-1915. Urbana: Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois, 2017.
Pickard, Ransom, M.D. “Physical Development,” reprinted from The Gymnast and Athletic Review. Mind and Body: A Monthly Journal Devoted to Physical Education, Volumes 1-5, Karl Kroh, Wm. Stecher, and Hans Ballin, eds. Milwaukee: Freidenker Publishing Co., 1894.
Porath, Jason. La Jaguarina. Rejected Princesses. Web. 1 June 2020. https://www.rejectedprincesses.com/princesses/la-jaguarina
Thrasher, Christopher David. Fight Sports and American Masculinity: Salvation in Violence from 1607 to the Present. Jefferson: McFarland and Company, 2015.
Weier, Ernst A. The Work of the Turner Societies (American Gymnastic Union): A Catechism. Indianapolis: American Gymnastic Union, 1919.
Wheeler, Jimmy. Biography of Andre Christol. Pro Wrestling Historical Society. 22 Sep 2014. Web. 1 Jun 2020. https://www.prowrestlinghistoricalsociety.com/bio-0160.html
Whittaker, Frederick. The Sword Prince. The Romantic Life of Colonel Monstery. Reprinted from Boy’s Library, octavo edition No. 28, 1884. Northern Illinois University. Web. 26 Mar 2020. https://www.ulib.niu.edu/badndp/monstery_thomas.html
I am not going to attempt any profound political analysis, I think you are on the right track. At some point the paper tigers will come up against the proletariat and it will be game over.
Interesting how umberellas and stuff can be weaponised. Maybe we will see sharpened skateboards soon…
Ha- there was a 90s superhero named Night Thrasher who had a bladed skateboard, I think, but the most common way to hurt someone with a deck is just to beat them down with it- it’s called a deck check. Or was. I don’t even know if skateboarding is still popular, haha.
And I think I can speak for everyone when I say thank you for refraining from your natural impulses, haha.
Caring about basic dignity and your fellow man is all well and good, but where did he stand on box squats… ?