I Think This Is Officially Middle Aged- Random Shit I’ve Learned #2

Jamie Chaos

October 9, 2012

I started this series last year on my birthday and might as well keep it up, as it seems to be an appropriate way to reflect upon shit I’ve learned in the previous year without any real structure or guide. This year was pretty fucking crazy for me, as it’s still odd to think of myself as a powerlifter, nevermind as a world record holding powerlifter. In any event, here are some things I’ve learned on the road to breakin’ fools while their bitches drool.

You can learn shit from bodybuilders. They’re much maligned, and often for good reason, but they’re not entirely retarded individuals. One would think I’d have learned this already, what with the fact tht I’ve cited examples like Marvin Eder and Chuck Sipes in the past, but it wasn’t until I really tried to get my bench moving that it occurred to me that bodybuilders are the best proof of my contention that high frequency is critical for steady progress. After all, we’ve all seen countless “bodybuilders” with massive upper bodies and no legs, and we all know they train the same muscle groups two to four times a week. When I started examining the problems with my bench, it occurred to me that the “bodybuilders”, not the strength athletes, are the by far and away the best benchers in any gym. Garrett Griffin’s a great example of a current bodybuilder/bencher. If you want a decent bench, you’re going to have to train the fuck out of your chest and arms just like the bodybuilders in your gym. If you don’t, you’re probably going to make an ass of yourself when you hit a meet. That’s not to say that I’ll be adopting a bodypart split (ever again), but if you’ve got a lagging bodypart, utilizing the techniques of a bodybuilder who’s got that bodypart in spades might not be the worst idea you’ve ever had. If nothing else, it’ll be better than deloading to the bar after getting terrible advice from redditors about your shitbox squat.

More is generally better. In line with the above, it seems the more frequently I train, and the more frequently I train the powerlifts or permutations thereof, the better I get. At this point, I bottom position squat, jump squat, and partial squat once each per week, bench at least twice a week, and shrug twice a week. I’ve never been stronger, never looked better, and never felt better just walking around. Thee are pretty few exceptions to the rule that “he who rules does more”, and if you look at guys like Platz, Belaev, Young, and Gant, you see that doing more seems to be the way to go. Ronnie Coleman, the most successful bodybuilder of all time, trained 6 days a week for the majority of his adult life, and it paid the fuck off. Bust your ass in the gym and the gods will confer upon you greatness. Skimp and you’ll suck harder than a meth-head in an oral gangbang.

You don’t get legs like that with a 5×5 program. Did I mention Platz squatted 635 for 8, ass to the floor, and 350 for 52, at a bodyweight of around 212? Again, you can learn shit from bodybuilders.

Sleep is easily as essential as training and dieting. Every time I hear that my style of training “broke” someone, my response is always to ask how much sleep they got. The answer’s always some bullshit about how busy the person is, yadda yadda. If you’re not going to sleep, your training is going to suck. plain and simple. There is no fucking way around it. I’ve blogged about sleep before and how to improve it- get at least eight hours of sleep and make sure it’s quality. If you’re not going to get eight hours of sleep or more on the regular, accept you’re going to suck and shut the fuck up about it already.

Sometimes you have to go that extra mile.

You’re almost never not going to be injured or hurt. This is perhaps the hardest thing for people to accept and understand, but they need to figure out, in a fucking hurry. If you’re training hard and heavy with the goal of lifting something awesome, something is always going to hurt. Whether it’s your wrists, elbows, knees, hamstring, or even something ridiculous like a serratus muscle, one bodypart or another is always going to be giving you some bullshit. The elite athletes train in spite of or around those injuries. Sometimes they get worse, sometimes they get better, and sometimes they just get supplanted by another recalcitrant bodypart. Any way you cut it, something’s always going to be bothering you. Suck it the fuck up and keep going. If it’s an intense pain or a chronic pain for weeks, treat it like you would any other injury and rest the are until it the intensity of the pain is markedly diminished or until you’re frustrated enough to risk a real injury to train through the pain. Bear in mind that minor injuries often precipitate major ones, however. Before he tore his bicep, Dorian Yates had a shitload of niggling pains in that arm for months. He trained through and tore the ever-loving shit out of his bicep as a result. Thus, it’s up to you to decide if you’re hurt or injured and either soldier on or take time off.

If you’re gonna make an omelette, you’re gonna have to break a couple biceps.

Most of us should overhead press more often. Because big shoulders look awesome and bigger shoulders look awesomer. The bigger my traps and shoulders get, the more insane the comments I get about my physique, when the rest of it’s more or less unchanged. Additionally, having a badass overhead press is probably more impressive than anything else. Igor Lakunin, Russian world champion, trains twice a da, for 2 to 4 hours a session, and puts weight overhead at almost every session.

Bottom position squats are fucking key. I credit these with the ease with which I get out of the hole, no matter what the weight is on the bar. Try them and see- they’re brutal, but they’re worth it.
Every single setback you encounter in your life will become a boon if you approach it aggressively and positively. This runs the gamut from work to relationships to lifting, and it’s always true. When I’ve found myself injured in the gym, I altered my technique and training to allow me to continue training hard, and my lifts have always improved as a result. Sitting around moping like Eeyore off his meds is going to result in nothing more than continued failure and misery. If you hit a wall in life, figure out a way to go over or through it without stopping to consider the wall’s existence. You can figure out how it got there after you get past it. The important thing it to continue to progress to avoid stalling altogether and then backsliding.
Getting older sucks subjectively, but is pretty fucking awesome objectively. As you get older, you should get better, not worse. I’ve personally never looked better, been stronger, fucked harder, or been more erudite and articulate than I am now. There’s no reason you should give ground to age. For those of you who bitch when you get out of bed in the morning, you’re fucking doing it wrong.

Grab life by the throat and fuck it into submission. Anything less is undignified.

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Jamie Chaos

I am a former all-time, all federation world record holder in raw powerlifting at 181lbs, a record I broke just to say fuck you to the internet’s “lifting” community and the powerlifting community at large. Over the last ten years I’ve written over 500 articles on strength training, nutrition, and supplementation, and continue to do so simply to fight the tide of weakness and sadness that currently pervades the scene I’ve called home for the better part of three decades. I’ve got personal trainin certs, BodyPump and BodyCombat certs, a BA in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Arizona, and MBAs from the Vienna University and University of South Carolina on my side, in addition to some sick lifts and a hell of a lot of rage. What the fuck have you got?

22 responses to “I Think This Is Officially Middle Aged- Random Shit I’ve Learned #2”

Imperator

October 9, 2012

Klokov 225 kg push press. Must be on to something with that music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iui94VWFhnA
Javier

October 10, 2012

Holla.

It was all I can think of after reading this.
JD

October 10, 2012

Amazing post, Jamie.
GZCL

October 10, 2012

Jamie, what are you doing around January 12th?
1. Jamie Lewis
  
  October 10, 2012
  
  Fuck if I know. Why?
2. GZCL
  
  October 10, 2012
  
  You should come compete at the USPA Camp Pendleton open. Trying to get a team of 400+ wilks lifters to go there and dominate the fuck out of it. Interested?
vic574m

October 10, 2012

Before an army of 2plate benching dumbasses misconstrue the wisdom in this article and start doing 15lb cable flyes that focus on the "mind muscle connection," I'd like to point out that what I take away from bodybuilders with regard to the bench press is that doing sets of 6-8 (hell, even 10) is actually productive. Once your "powerlifting workout" where you do nothing but sets of 1-5 is done, you can go to the incline/dumbell bench or switch your grip to narrow and crank out 3 ball busting sets of 8. Your bench will thank you. If you notice, there's several olympia contestant has a monster fucking bench. Ronnie coleman repped 495×5 with dogshit form, not even trying. Kai Green does 35lb concentration curls but reps 500 on the bench with a limp fucking thumbless grip around a sponge to protect his palm. If a dude who is scared of the knurling of a commercial gym barbell can bench that much he's obviously doing something right other than his drug regime.
1. War
  
  October 11, 2012
  
  I believe it has more to do with frequency the lift it's trained and the effort that it's put into it, and not having the powerlifting mentality of overthinking/putting a percentage and name tag on everything. Just bench.
2. vic574m
  
  October 11, 2012
  
  I'd agree with that regardless of whether we were talking about bench or squat or deadlift. Percentage training and overthinking is bullshit.
drpat

October 10, 2012

I don't know about this getting older shit.
Dad is 70, and he says that when he gets old he might take things easy, but right now he's working 6 days a week, and running a farm, and arranging another walking trip across a desert. This time: the Gobi.
praguestepchild

October 11, 2012

Happy motherfucking birthday, you old cunt.
wtl0636

October 11, 2012

Jamie,

1. How does your best squat from the bottom position/off pins compare to your best squat?
2. What rep range would you suggest for squats out of the bottom position?

Thanks.
1. Jamie Lewis
  
  October 15, 2012
  
  Anything you can do off the pins, you can do in a meet. I rarely test my 1RM on a back squat in the gym.
  
  1-3 reps for the bottom position squats.
Nathan

October 12, 2012

Good stuff.
Thanks to the example of old timers like you, I'm actually looking forward to getting old instead of fearing it like most people my age.

Now for the love of all that is holy where is that gif from? It looks like "She Stole my Voice" without some ugly chick preaching about how the awesome scenes you're watching are somehow "bad."
1. Jamie Lewis
  
  October 15, 2012
  
  No idea. I pulled it off reddit.
George

October 13, 2012

solid post. Besides offering sound weightlifting advice, this blog is just plain fucking awesome. Bad days are made way better when I read a post like this.
Blobb

October 15, 2012

Are you still military pressing at all?
Rant

October 16, 2012

Are you still doing gay films at all?
Mikey Pee

October 26, 2012

Doing paused close grip benching, two months ago, I separated my right shoulder. I tore my supraspinatus off the bone. I'm 37, and five weeks out from surgery. How would u approach getting back under the bar without worrying about turning my shit into a permanent chicharron? I've been reading your blog for nearly 6 months now. The strength community needs your shenanigans and bullshit-stupid-jerkness
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