*I’m Too Mean to Die

Jamie Chaos

May 17, 2009

But apparently not mean enough to stave off injury. As I banged the everloving shit out of my elbow the other day, breaking off the massive bone spur on the tip of my elbow and apparently severing part of my triceps tendon, I am faced with a quandary- what the fuck should I do while recuperating?

This is what a torn tricep looks like.

Conventional wisdom and my mom say that I should take the next month off from lifting and chill the fuck out.

Fuck that shit.

I train the way I do because I thrive on chaos and pain. I love doing insane shit, and I get hurt in the process. That’s a fact of life, and I’d much rather live like that than reside in relative safety in a house in the suburbs with a wife and two kids and a white picket fence. Whether or not that’s the result of the fact that no broad could tolerate me long enough to marry or simply an amusing correlation is a matter for another discussion, and fuck you for snickering.

I wouldn’t marry me.

So, what to do with a torn tricep? Well, for one, I’m going to make my already freakish wheels into legs that would make both Ivan Stoitsov and Tom Platz weep. For another, I’m going to develop a brutal one arm snatch and deadlift, and hope that my body compensates by making my left arm grow a little, however slightly. Though I cannot find the article now and am bored of looking, I have definitely read, more than once, that studies have shown that compensatory growth occurs when only one side of the body is trained in a unilateral fashion. I shall put that to the test and keep you posted, fuckers.

My current plan involves four leg training sessions a week, so we’ll see what these fuckers look like at the end of a few weeks. For the next six or so weeks, it looks like it’s going to be a steady diet of legs, traps, neck, and forearms, with some one arm pullups, deads, and snatches thrown in for good measure.

For those of you who are still wondering what ChAos and PAIN is all about, this post should pretty much sum it up.

When in doubt, TRAIN.

It’s what Chuck Norris would want, goddamnit, and you don’t fuck with Chuck.

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Now playing: Blood Has Been Shed – House of Fists
via FoxyTunes

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Jamie Chaos

I am a former all-time, all federation world record holder in raw powerlifting at 181lbs, a record I broke just to say fuck you to the internet’s “lifting” community and the powerlifting community at large. Over the last ten years I’ve written over 500 articles on strength training, nutrition, and supplementation, and continue to do so simply to fight the tide of weakness and sadness that currently pervades the scene I’ve called home for the better part of three decades. I’ve got personal trainin certs, BodyPump and BodyCombat certs, a BA in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Arizona, and MBAs from the Vienna University and University of South Carolina on my side, in addition to some sick lifts and a hell of a lot of rage. What the fuck have you got?

5 responses to “*I’m Too Mean to Die”

Anonymous

May 18, 2009

That is ugly. What kind of cell phone is it?
Anonymous

May 19, 2009

D-M-S-O.
Jamie Lewis

May 23, 2009

It was a free cell phone from Verizon, haha.
Anonymous

May 23, 2009

About to be a retired cell phone. Your-welcome-very-much.
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