To this point, I have produced for you, my gentle readers, a litany of diatribes railing against the common misconception that the phenomenon known as overtraining is as prevalent as AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa. Despite the comprehensive nature of these missives, many people find them to be in error, for a variety of reasons. Though I hardly think that as one of a scant few voices battling the irrepressible tide of the town criers warning the world of the overtraining boogeyman my contentions might be seen as particularly compelling, I should hope they will at the very least inspire deeper thought on the subject. This has evidently not been the case.
AIDS appears to be the least of this broad’s problems.
Those of you who agree with me seem to do so simply because my arguments are compelling, rather than as the result of a combination of introspection, your own conjecture, and a study of the evidence I’ve provided. Those who don’t simply parrot the Weiderisms that dominate modern physical culture, insisting that there is no way that a human being could possibly endure a level of physical activity that millions of people have successfully endured throughout the ages without the benefit of performance enhancing drugs, magic, superhuman genetics, and whatever other mystical and fantastical unnatural edges a person might enjoy. They do so in spite of the fact that the substances they commonly reference did not exist prior to the middle of the last century, after which time various lifts of considerable poundages had been lifted, not to have been duplicated since (or only most recently defeated).
Apparently, many people don’t find it fucking amazing that Edward Aston put 300+ lbs overhead with one hand… at a bodyweight of 165.
The combination of the Bulgarians, Chinese, and Soviets and every strongman and strength athlete who lived prior to the advent of steroids has been uncompelling evidence for many of you, and as such, I’ll try to present to you my argument in a different manner- one that should, at the very least, shame the naysayers into shutting the fuck up, and bolster the confidence of those who dogmatically agree with me. There exists in our society a vast swath of the populace who have turned their back on humanity and embraced in its stead the doughnut. They’ve literally shuffled off any physical relation to their fellow man, drowning themselves in a sea of calories and sloth in an apparent effort to match the aesthetic of the walrus, manatee, and the hippopotamus, in some cases finally eschewing normal modes of conveyance for motorized carts. What, I ask you, could a person who has simply given up on walking have in common with you or I?

Whatever that is, it’s not fucking human.
Not a fucking thing. Yet, some of the more mobile of these morbidly obese sub-humans have embarked upon a televised 2 month sojourn in an effort to regain their lost humanity- yes, I am referring to “The Biggest Loser”. These disgusting creatures are forced through 2 months of nearly nonstop physical activity in an effort to lose the weight they so painstakingly gained over the course of a lifetime of Ring Dings and television, purposefully and specifically clogging their arteries and destroying their body’s every internal system in the pursuit of a blissful death by coronary. Having apparently decided that 15 minutes of fame is preferable to a catastrophic heart attack, these fat fucks sign up to be forced through a series of workouts that would make Mark Rippetoe weep for them, and by the account of anyone ranging from Mentzer to Ian King should result in naught but overtraining and perhaps death. Miraculously, however, these creatures manage to thrive on them, lose massive amounts of weight, and gain muscle mass. Fascinating.
For those of you who’ve happily managed to miss this show, contestants on the Biggest Loser engange in low-calorie dieting while engaging in “intense aerobic and strength-training exercises for between two and seven hours a day (but usually four to six). (1)(2) Take a second and drink that in- people who’ve studiously avoided anything that could be construed as dieting and exercise suddenly dive into that ridiculous program and thrive on it. At the same time, Ian King, Mark Rippetoe, and their compatriots in mediocrity assert that you cannot possibly do this and succeed. In other words, you suck as a human being far more than do the aforementioned land whales. You can’t hang with the morbidly obese- you’ll fail miserably, forget how to sleep, shit blood, and your test levels will disappear. That will happen to you, apparently, but the fat fucks will be just fine.

Offended? Pissed? Appalled? You fucking should be. Before I continue, however, a rant within a rant:

Why the fuck are we sponsoring and supporting shows wherein subhumans bring themselves without shouting distance of the human form? Who the fuck cares? We should fucking put them on an island with no food and give the person who eats the rest of them a fucking medal, then walk them off a fucking cliff. It’s a testament to our society that we champion these pathetic pieces of shit, rather than having tv shows wherein above-average athletes spent 8 weeks training their fucking asses off to compete in a variety of athletic endeavors- trying to make pro sports teams, competing in bodybuilding, etc. Shows wherein above average people attempt to become superhuman, rather than shows where our genetic dregs attempt to attain a human form. Fucking pathetic.

We need a show called the Biggest Winner. Fuck the losers.
Back, however, to the point at hand. Even if you find the evidence I’ve primarily used to suggest that greater training frequency can yield greater results to be suspect, one can hardly dispute this. If you think that you cannot handle a training frequency that exceeds 5 or 6 hours a week, you’re either delusional or pathetic. You forgot, because you’re stupid. Humans are designed to adapt to increased workload, and there’s no greater example of it than the transformation of completely detrained land whales into vaguely useful human beings. If you cannot match their output, it’s because you’re unwilling, not incapable.

In the next installment, I’ll start outlining how to increase your training frequency without feeling like death every day.

Sources:

1. Training Principles from the Biggest Loser. Complete Personal Fitness Training. http://www.completefitness.com.au/articles/motivation/biggestloser1.php
2. Biggest Loser workouts drop fat without losing muscle mass. http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/fitness/exercise/2010-10-13-biggestloser13_ST_N.htm

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