Anyone who knows anything about me knows I like my movies, books, and music so brutal they cause pregnant broads to spontaneously miscarry, priests to become draped with pustulant boils and then burst into flames, and SJWs to just die instantly in response to the many triggers they witnessed.  October is the best month to revel in this, as it’s Halloween month.  As such, I thought it high time to drop a new movies, books, and music installment for you guys to ensure you’re similarly fortified against those people who want to replace our Samhain revelry with “Harvest Festival” and other assorted Christian nonsense.

The TCM prequel Leatherface opens Oct 20th.  W00t!!

Movies

With the onset of Halloween, it only stands to reason that we should all be neck deep in horror movies whenever we’re not fucking, fighting, lifting, or working.  As I’ve spent most of the last year being a degenerate, party beast, horror movie afficianado, and having asked repeatedly for recommendations that yielded the exact same results each time (A Serbian Film, Haute Tension, Martyrs, etc), I’m in a unique position to throw you guys a couple of bones for the month.  Before we begin, I’ll mention that not all of these films are gore-fests- some of them are cooler than Vanilla Ice on a sportbike without being so gory you’ll puke in your shoes during the opening credits.  Yeah, I know it might come as a shock, but gore and horror movie excellence are not intertwined.

Eat– I am generally a terrible, partying my ass off person and failed in every regard to relate to you the details of this little-known gem, but you guys should seriously heed my advice here.  The protagonist of this film is anorexic and only eats when stressed, and she’s stressed because she sucks as an actress.  The result: she eats herself when angry, sad, stressed, or generally out of sorts.  If you see a tampon pop into view, be prepared for a fucking bloodbath with this one.  It starts off seemingly all fired up about the Backstreet Boys (the opening credits make it look like it’s going to be a PG13 “horror” film directed by whatever hack is responsible for that travesty  and ends a FUCKING BLOODBATH.  Autosarcophagy happens in this film.  Watch it (it’s on Amazon Prime this month!).

August Mordem Underground– This is without a doubt the most fucked up movie I have ever seen, for those of you who are fans of Stepbrothers, you’ll know what I mean when I say that this is my Good Housekeeping.  AMU follows three full-blownsies psychopaths as they torture, rape, and murder people out of what appears to be sheer boredom.  Clearly directed by a guy who loves hardcore and crust punk and literally starring a woman named Crusty, a woman, her brother, and her boyfriend (both of whom she fucks throughout the film) do all kinds of shit like rape a woman while forcing her husband to cut his cock off with cuticle scissors and beat peopless heads in with hammers (the gore effects are fucking solid).  AMU is fun for the whole family, provided your family has severe mental illness and more sexual pathologies than have ever been recorded in one household.  Highly recommended for anyone who was bored by Anti-Christ and thought A Serbian Film could have been a bit more intense.

It Follows: This movie is a distinctly slow-burn type of film, wherein there’s not a lot of action aside from a couple of relatively gore-less deaths, but I love this movie because I’m relatively old (the Blair Witch was the shit when I was in high school), it’s an innovative take on the genre, the art in the movie is doper than Michaelangelo trying to impress buyers so he can score a kilo of meth, and I’ ve come to enjoy slow-burn films.  In any event, the film centers around a sexually-transmitted demon who stalks people who have ducked people he’s already trying to kill, and the only way to pawn him off on another is to fuck someone or kill the demon.  WATCH THIS SHIT.

Inside– The French are useless.  They bitch about the Germans, continue their entirely baseless claims to preeminence in cuisine, preside over the worst remaining vestiges of the Colonial Era in a couple of the filthiest shitholes in the third world, and generally suck in every possible way… save two.

Hardcore and brutal gorefest films are the only redeeming qualities in a country known only at this point for having terrible politicians, ghettos in Paris that make Mogudishu seem relatively nice, and a language that sounds like retarded people babbling while trying to dislodge the peanut butter stuck on to the roofs of their mouths.  The New French Extremity movement in French film is fucking awesome- it’s brought us gems like Martyrs (a cabal of evil rich people who torture people in an effort to make them have a martyr’s vision of the afterlife), Frontiers (a couple fights off a small army of neo-nazi family members with a love for The People Under The Stairs), and Irreversible (I Spit on Your Grave in a subway tunnel, with waaaaaaaaay more rape), more gore in action films, and generally more goodness in the world.

Beatrice Dalle: 10/10 WB

Inside continues that grand tradition with a film centered on a pregnant woman scheduled to induce labor the next day as she’s under siege by a mysterious attacker who wants to rip that baby out and keep it for herself.  Given that the film’s opening credits scene is nothing but blood and bits of body flowing down a staircase, you should expect this movie to be almost as brutal as it ends up. Almost.  Plus, this thing is directed by the guys who did the new TCM prequel Leatherface and stars the ultra-sexy Beatrice Dalle, so this is a must watch for the Halloween season.

Would You Rather–  While I am exhausted beyond death with this trope and still find myself wandering about the movie landscape with nothing but hate in my heart for the now tired “we dare you to do this shit for some money but it’s not a game and you’re fucked forever”, Would You Rather brings the goods in all the ways that shit like 13 Sins and Nerve (among a half a dozen other movies with the same fucking theme).  As the movie poster indicates, someone has to take a razor blade to their own eye in this film, the plot of which involves people competing to win a game of “Would You Rather” in which quitting means death and winning means certain disfigurement.  Brutal, well-paced, and highly entertaining.

Houses That October Built– One of the best Halloween-themed films I’ve ever seen, as well as one of the coolest found-footage films ever, HTOB follows a group of apparently amateur documentarians on a cross-country road trip to find the most balls-crazy extreme haunt in the US.  As they dig deeper into a haunt that appears to be more legend than reality, they run afoul of a group of haunt workers who then terrorize them throughout their trip.

Watch this shit if for no other reason than the Porcelain Doll chick, who is one of the freakiest characters in any horror movie I’ve seen- I must’ve jumped a foot out of my fucking seat during her scene, and I’d be surprised if people didn’t attack that actress on the street just on general principle.  The sequel is out now, but I’m saving it for Halloween itself to watch- might as well have something I know is gonna be both new and baller for the big day.

Megan Is Missing– This movie is exceptionally fucked up, and because shit like this apparently happens in the real world, it’s all that much more disturbing.  The movie centers around a chick looking for a friend who disappears after meeting up with a guy from the internet.  She finds her alright, but it’s as much to her chagrin as Justin Long’s trip down the chute in Jeepers Creepers, and she ends up an unwilling participant in extreme BDSM porn and a variety of other unsavory activities.  Not for the squeemish, and probably not for anyone with a daughter.

Pod– This indie gem is what sci-fi horror should be and rarely is outside of the Alien series.  Plenty of jump scares, numerous plot twists, great gore effects, and decent creature effects make for an awesome addition to anyone’s horror library.  This film was unique enough to warrant a couple of rewatches, and I plan on checking out his two latest movies, the western-horror Carnage Park and serial killer-fest Psychopaths this month.

If you haven’t heard the Infant Annihilator album that dropped last year, you need to.

Music
I’ve discovered some shit that has me spinkicking squat cages and terrifying normies as I gorilla stomp around the gym, and I’ve got the best of that shit listed for your listening pleasure.  For the band/album I’ve either linked them on Amazon or Bandcamp (support the bands you like and buy their shit, people), and for the best song bits I’ve linked their Youtube so you can get an idea of how awesome their shit is.  Check this shit out and go destroy something beautiful.

Clawhammer- Infernum In Terra
Brutal slam beatdown done to perfection by Brits who want to see blood on the floor at shows. Pig squeals missed with Shattered Realm-esque hardcore vocals and gutteral lows, thesemotherfuckers bring it on every fucking track.  If you threw old Waking the Cadaver in a blender with the Hoods and a bit of One Life Crew, this is what you’d get… pure, unadulterated brutality.

Most CNP song: Lynching (featuring Rob and Phips from Brawl Between Enemies)

Enemy Mind- No Safe Place
I love Pittsburgh, and I love PGH hardcore.  Any hardcore or metal band from the Steel City is guaranteed to fucking bring it, and Enemy Mind goes hard as fuck.  Bringing back the old jockcore / toughguy style from the mid-to-late 90s, Enemy Mind will fill the gap left in anyone’s heart who misses Shattered Realm (with their original singer), Hoods, Irate, or NJ Bloodline, and will have you tearing the fucking gym apart while screaming along with EM’s gruffer-than-gargled-glass vocals.

Most CNP song: Dead Wrong.  Toughguy at its finest, rocking lyrics like “I hope you can run / skinny shit talking motherfucker run fast.  Chase your punk ass to the ends of the Earth / know when I catch you I’ma beat your ass.  Look at me / I’m the one that did this.  Close your mouth and mind your business.  Keep my name out yo mouth dude / whatcha gonna say when I come for you?”  Yes.  This is that kind of wignorant awesome.

Nasty- Realigion
The only badass thing to happen in Belgium beside their insane deathground stand against a German army that outnumbered them ten to one in the First World War is Nasty, who are rightly recognized as the kings of European hardcore.  Over the years, these lunatics have put out increasingly brutal albums and garnered a more and more rabid following, culminating in their newest album Realigion (I guess it’s a religion of being “real”).  Packed with more breakdowns and “blechs!” than anyone’s ever manage to wedge into 30 minutes, this fucking thing goes hard to the paint and make you want to kick old ladies down the stairs and smash everything in sight.

Most CNP songs: At War With Love and Rock Bottom.  All breakdowns and badassery, and the video is thoroughly entertaining.



Built Upon Hatred- Tha Promo and S/T
If you don’t know what slam beatdown is, you really need look no fucking further than this band- super fucking brutal deathcore vocals, the occasional pig squeal, and lyrics so fucking tough you’d think they were a collaboration of Charles Bronson and Carl Panzram (I’ve listened to the Last Podcast on the Left series on the man twice in the last week because it’s that fucking awesome) with some assistance from the singer of No Zodiac, who is the spiritual heir to Panzram.  I think I had these guys on shuffle all/repeat all for about three weeks of amazing lifting in July, and nothing makes weight less noticeable than Michael Cera’s serum testosterone than pure, unadulterated hatred.


Most CNP song: The Faults in my Peers.  Frankly, half the reason I love this song is because of the drop from Alpha Dog that’s followed by a breakdown so brutal it might liquify your bowels the first time you hear it: “Fuck that- it’s a promise.  No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I’m gonna hunt you down. I’m gonna hunt you down and then I’m gonna slit your throat and then I’m gonna cut you open and then I’M GONNA EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HEART! YOU BETTER PRAY, JOHNNY YOU BETTER FUCKING PRAY THAT THE COPS FIND YOU BEFORE I DO! GET ON YOUR COCKSUCKING KNEES AND PRAY!”



Clench Your Fist- Break the Jaw
I am a massive Nasty fan, as you might know if you’ve been following the blog for a while, and I just realized that the reason I love this band so much is because they’re basically just a Nasty clone… and I have no problem with that whatsoever.  Straight up beatdown hardcore the way it ought to be.

Most CNP song: Kalasjnikov.  Want a song that is basically just a break down that continually gets broken down over and over until it’s pure sludge to which you can make weights your doe-eyed bitch for a couple of minutes?  Fire up this fucking banger.

Ded- Mis-An-Thrope
I realize that all of the tr00 metal and hardcore bros reading this are about to get their panties in a bunch harder than a social justice warrior in strip club populated only by Eastern European transplants with daddy issues and racist tattoos, but I couldn’t give less fucks, because sometimes nu-metal is a good time.  This is one of those times- Ded, in spite of their terrible name, is heavily influenced by hardcore bands (the singer even rocks a Trash Talk shit in one of their videos) and is reminiscent of early Slipknot.  We all know that S/T and Iowa-era Slipknot was the shit, and this band is a nice break from my constant beatdown and slam beatdown rotation.  Catchy hooks, not too much in the way of clean vocals, impressive percussion… this shit is something you could play while tearing ass down Rt 101 in California with the windows down when you needed something heavier than Pennywise to listen to.

Most CNP song: FMFY.  Yeah, it’s a little “Fuck you, you fuckin’ fuck” style, but it’s very reminiscent of Slipknot’s epic banger “Heretic”, so you really are obligated to like it in spite of the their stupid band name.

Gassed Up- Conflict and Judgement EP
Awesome beatdown rapcore out of Britain.  Bust out your favorite flatbrim hat and get ready to punch anything nearby the second the track kicks in.  Imagine Fury of Five if they were worth a shit, E-Town Concrete if they didn’t go softer than baby shit in an Indian monsoon, Hacktivist if they were talented, or Drowning if they were British.

Most CNP song: Conflict.  Flat-brim ignorance at its finest, with a random Michael Jackson riff in it to match the lyrics.  Doper than any street corner in poverty-stricken American city.

I just discovered Monster Hunter International is now a role playing game as well, which means I need to grab a 20 sided die this weekend and find a pack of nerds with whom I can play this.

Books
Much like with the other two categories, if I were to list all of the books I’ve read since the last installment, this would end up being a ten part series at the very least.  As such, I’ll remind you guys that the Monster Hunter International series is phenomenal and still going, with Larry Correia teaming up with some of Baen’s best authors to bring you super hard-boiled monster-slaughtering action.  Aside from that, I’ve been reading occult shit ranging from the The Black Book of Satan and Hands-On Chaos Magic (which is a pretty awesome book that utilizes a hell of a lot of neuro-linguistic programming) and The Wisdom of Eosphorus (which I highly recommend to anyone with any interest in the Left Hand Path) to The Book of Wotan (an excellent introduction and guidebook to Odinist practices that contains the full Havamal) and The Traveler’s Guide to the Afterlife.  I’ve covered a lot of ground, very little of which has bothered with books about training because most of those books are either drier than a thousand year old Egyptian aristocrat or so derivative to the point of being offensive.

Dave vs. the Monsters series by John Birmingham
This series is similar in many regards to the MHI series I’ve mentioned above, but with more of a rough-edged, salt-of-the-Earth-meets-asshole-drunken-fuckboy-jock flair.  This series follows Earth’s unlikely champion against the hordes of demons who think of humans as food, who proceeds to lay waste to them using his trusty maul named Lucille.  Amidst all of this, “the Dave” drinks and fucks his way to fame, chilling with celebrities and shirking whatever duties the government heaps upon him.  Yeah, these books are fucking tits, and you need them in your life.

Every Single Book by Joe Abercrombie
I’ve been trying to come up with my favorite book by Joe Abercrombie, and I’m at a loss.  Every one of his books is perfect preworkout material, as his books are filled with badass quotes and the kind of hack-and-slash action that gets your blood pumping and makes you want to fuck shit up.  Not only are the characters in his stories witty as hell, but their casual philosophical nature makes for great brain candy and food for thought, as well as providing badassery for maximum pumpitude in the gym.  Behold:

  • “Love is a fine cushion to rest upon, but only hate can make you a better person.”
  • “You should laugh every moment you live, for you’ll find it decidedly difficult afterwards.”
  • “Suffering is what gives a man strength, my boy, just as the steel most hammered turns out the hardest.”
  • “Truly, life is the misery we endure between disappointments.”

Honour Imperialis (Warhammer 40k Omnibus) by by Aaron Demski-Bowden, Rob Sanders, and Steve Lyons
Warhammer novels are very hit and miss, in my experience, but this omnibus was amazing from start to end.  I can’t imagine any of you are unfamiliar with Warhammer, so I’ll just say these books are twice as well-written and violent as any other Warhammer novels ever put to paper, and if you pass this omnibus by you will regret it on your deathbed.  It’s that good.

The Silence– Time Lebbon
By far and away the best horror novel I’ve read in the last few years, The Silence combines the best parts of Night of the Living Dead and Pitch Black to produce the most unique horror plot I’ve ever read.  A team of spelunkers uncovers a new cave system in Romania and unwittingly release a new, horrible creature into the outside world.  This creature is essentially a blind, flying rat with a chainsaw for a mouth that hunts and destroys the slightest sound, laying eggs in the corpses of its victims that hatch at further sounds or vibrations.  The story follows a family who knows sign language because the daughter is deaf, and they utilize that to remain alive during an apocalypse the world was ill prepared to handle.

So there you have it- shit that will entertain you through this awesome season, fuel epic lifts, and stoke the fires of your soul to ensure that you crush your opposition and destroy everything they hold dear.

Up next, part one of my Fustigation Fury: Fight Training from the Primeval to the Present series.  That one is shaping up to be epic, so keep your eyes peeled for it to drop Sunday or Monday.

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