Patreon Extra: The Shit We’re Currently Reading 12/11

Jamie Chaos

December 11, 2019

At the moment, I am not reading much in the way of books due to my round-the-clock efforts to produce content and make a tiny bit of money writing for other sites to pay the bills, and do what I can to wring a couple of pennies out of Chaos and Pain supplements. They don’t call us starving artists for nothing, haha. By the same token, Mel is also working three jobs- Plague, her day job, and Amazon’s warehouse on the weekend. She reads on her phone, however, so her book list will be a bit more voluminous than my own (and I’m just going to stick to the highlights since I recently did a books/movies/music article and the money I waste on shitty books is depressing.

That said, one of the many things I find so hot about Tara is that she is the only person I have ever met who outreads me. I’ve always prided myself on reading between 12 and 52 books a year for pleasure (which I suppose puts it at a minimum of 60 cover-to-cover a year with non-fiction for the site), but Tara makes me look like a fucking illiterate with her voracious appetite for the written word, as you’re about to see.

So, let’s see if we can chum the waters for your inner verbiage piranha with some fiction that you can soak up while sitting by the fire with some kind of spiced rum beverage over these next couple of trying weeks.

Jamie

I generally read non-fiction and fiction side by side, though of late I’ve been doing such research-heavy articles I don’t have a lot of time for non-fiction reading. Thus, this is just what I’m reading on the train and while eating in restaurants.

The Grey Bastards by Jonathan French

By far and away the best book I’ve read in the last ten years not written by Nicholas Eames or Joe Abercrombie in the last decade… and probably ever, come to think of it. This book is elite status with about ten other books in my reading history. It follows a band of half-orcs who patrol the edge of human land and protect the “frails” from the “thicks.”

Jordynne Grace has the most pec, delt and shoulder-heavy jacked-thick-girl look in history.

Basically gigantic horse nomads (who ride wild hogs rather than horses), these badasses do three things and three things only- fuck, fight, and kill, and one of their band is essentially the She Hulk, if the She-Hulk were a murderous Amazon instead of a lawyer-by-day member of a band of spandex-bedecked goody-two-shoes. The interaction between her and the old heads of her “hoof” are the exact same bullshit chick wrestlers in the AEW are dealing with at the moment, which makes it interesting from a socio-political standpoint as well, if you’re interested in that sort of thing.

Year’s Best Hardcore Horror

I’ve just cracked this open and honestly don’t remember either of the two stories I’ve read thus far, so I can’t say it is making much of an impression. It’s not bad, per se, as I know I’ve enjoyed the stories as I’ve read them, but they’re really not making much of an impression afterward.

Vampire A-Go-Go

It started slow, but is picking up at the midway point. Victor Gischler was one of my favorite authors for years, so I thought it would be worthwhile to slog through a shit start. It still doesn’t hold a candle to Gischler’s old shit, like Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse and his noir crime shit from the late 90s, but it’s a pretty cool take on the vampire genre.

Tara

Unlike Jamie, I read EVERYTHING electronically. I have Kindle installed on my phone, so every second of down time possible I am reading. And considering I am currently working 80+ hours a week, my reading time has been cut into SIGNIFICANTLY. On a good weekend when Jamie is working hard and I get peace and quiet I would finish 3-4 books… a day. Kindle Unlimited is my jam.

Which Kindles would I recommend?

I have the Paperwhite, and I love it. I am planning to upgrade to the Oasis ASAP because it is waterproof, as is the newest gen of Paperwhite. My reasoning for upgrading is nothing more than when I have nails it is more difficult to “turn pages” on the paperwhite and it doesn’t offer one touch page turning like my phone kindle does.

On a side note, if you buy either the kindles by way of the links, or sign up using the unlimited banner, we do get a small fee from amazon. Quarterly, we make enough for an extra bag or two of kitty treats. So the Fwerfins say Fanks!

These are all of the books, samples, etc I have downloaded since Nov 1.

The Kindle Unlimited Books

The Cruel Fae King: A Sexy Fantasy Romance Series (The Cursed Kingdoms Series Book 1)

The Cruel Fae King: A Sexy Fantasy Romance Series by A.K. Koonce (author), Rebecca Grey (author) Borrowed on: December 7, 2019

I would not say this is the best book I have ever read, but it fun, brain-candy and does have a good mystery in it. Romances where the hero and heroine annoy and bicker constantly are my jam. The one single problem is, it is a series, which I HATE. Why? Cause I wanna know who is killing everyone DAMN IT!

King of Ruin: A Fantasy Romance (Lords of Sidhe Book 1) by May Sage (author) Borrowed on: December 5, 2019

This is the book I am currently reading (oops – I actually just finished it during lunch). I have been on a May Sage kick for the past couple weeks, and after re-reading her Fairy Tale rewrites and the new editions to those books, I have moved on to her fantasy series. All of her books are super vivid to me when I read them. There is no release date for Queen of Chaos, but I will be waiting impatiently for it.

Numbers Game: A Dystopian Romance Thriller (Numbers Game Saga Book 1) by Rebecca Rode (author) Borrowed on: November 28, 2019

This was a sample I had read, and then added to Kindle Unlimited. It is one of those books that seem to be awesomely promising but then end up… meh, so i have hesitated to read it.

Click here to purchase the After Darkness Falls Series

Wickedly They Dance: A Vampire and Werewolf Romance Standalone (After Darkness Falls Book 3)

Wickedly They Dance: A Vampire and Werewolf Romance Standalone by May Sage (author ) Borrowed on: November 21, 2019

The third of the After Darkness Falls series. Two of the less likable characters, but the story is solid, I don’t really want to punch any characters in the face and moves everything in the series forward.

I do have to say… the cover leaves a bit to be desired. That dude’s duck lips is uncomfortably close to an ex’s o face.

Blood of a Huntsman: A Vampire Paranormal Romance (After Darkness Falls Book 2) by May Sage (author) Borrowed on: November 20, 2019

The super richie-rich girl at ParaU makes friends, gets a totes emo bf, slaughters enemies while trying to navigate life and family in her early 20’s.

After Darkness Falls: A Vampire Romance by May Sage (author) Borrowed on: November 18, 2019

Girl goes to Paranormal College, meets the HAWWWWWTEST vamp guy ever, and hilarity, hijinx and mayhem ensue. The book had a super shocking body count.

Click here to buy the “Not quite the Fairy Tale series

Sleeping Beauty (Not Quite the Fairy Tale Book 7) by May Sage (author) Borrowed on: November 15, 2019

Another good one. But there was a bit of a creeper factor in this, just like in the original fairy tale.

White as Snow (Not Quite the Fairy Tale Book 6) by May Sage (author) Borrowed on: November 15, 2019

I’d hoped for SO much more in this book as the male lead was a snarky “Royal” pain in the ass in the previous books he appeared in. It was still cute and fun.

Little Red (Not Quite the Fairy Tale Book 5) by May Sage (author ) Borrowed on: November 14, 2019

This was a new one in the series for me. I LOVED the story, and as with all of May Sages books, the heroines do not need to be dosed up on something to accept reality.

Beauty and the Beast: a modern, fantasy fairy tale retelling (Not quite the fairy tale Book 3)

Beauty and the Beast: a modern, fantasy fairy tale retelling by May Sage (author), Erica Petit (illustrator) Borrowed on: November 14, 2019

I will probably read this book another 19 times before I get sick of the wise-ass heroine. And the father in this book is WELL worth the price of admission.

A little Siren: A modern fairy tale (Not quite the fairy tale Book 2) by May Sage (author )Borrowed on: November 12, 2019

Generally I want to punch hero’s in romances at least once in the book. I would have been happy throwing this mo-fo off a cliff a time or 97. The Siren more than makes up for his stupidity.

Cinderella (Not Quite the Fairy Tale Book 1) by May Sage (author) Borrowed on: November 9, 2019

I think this is the 4th time I have read this series and I freaking love the books. The premise leading up to the ball was hysterical, and it solidified my love for May Sage.

Keeping Lily: A Dark Romance (Disciples Book 1) by Izzy Sweet (author), Sean Moriarty (author) Borrowed on: November 5, 2019

I started this one because I had downloaded a sample of the 5th book in the series. The hero was SO incredibly out of touch, and the heroine was insufferable. 10/10 could not be bothered.

Broken Hope: A Dark Mafia Romance (Volkov Bratva) by Nicole Fox (author) Borrowed on: November 4, 2019

I returned this without reading it. The first one was trashy, and I just couldn’t manage to work up any enthusiasm for the book.

Broken Vows: A Dark Mafia Romance (Volkov Bratva) by Nicole Fox (author) Borrowed on: November 2, 2019

It had a couple awesome gun fights. Other than that? Eh. I really don’t remember much about it, other than that to rival families got married.

Kindle Purchases

Frostbound Throne: Song of Night (Court of Sin Book 1) by [Sage, May]

Buy the series here!
Frostbound Throne: Song of Night (Court of Sin Book 1) May Sage
Frostbound Throne: Song of Winter (Court of Sin Book 2) May Sage
Frostbound Throne: Song of Heaven and Ice (Court of Sin Book 3) May Sage

Fae, elves, orcs, magic… Its like an awesome D&D game with a sense of humor

Rumpelstiltskin: a short story (Not quite the Fairy Tale Book 6) by [Sage, May]

Rumpelstiltskin: a short story (Not quite the Fairy Tale Book 6) May Sage

Rumpelstiltskin is probably one of my favorite fairy tale characters, and this book certainly does him justice.

Kindle Samples

These are generally place holders when I see a book that looks interesting. I have probably 50 samples kicking around on my Kindle because then I have reminders of books that seem promising when I run out of my go-to authors.

The Lineup by Meghan Quinn – This was advertised on FB today, and it looks cute.
Releasing The Gods (The Titan’s Saga Book 1) by Leia Stone – AMAZING premise. Terrible fucking writing, pacing, the heroine is a “wanna be social media influencer” who upon getting thrown off a cliff by the hero I’d hoped she would be smashed to pieces and I want my 5 min of reading back.
Wild Open Hearts: A Bluewater Billionaires Romantic Comedy by Kathryn Nolan – It seems cute.
The Lady Most Willing: A Novel in Three Parts (Avon Historical Romance) by Julia Quinn – I am a total mark for Julia Quinn
The Lady Most Likely: A Novel in Three Parts by Julia Quinn – Jamie used a quote from this book, and I LOVE Julia Quinn.
The Truth About Cinder (Evil Lies Book 1) by Alta Hensley – Another terrible shot in the dark. The vaginal exam to see if she was a virgin shut down any interest for me.
Stealing the Bride Nadia Lee
The Great Zoo of China by Matthew Reilly – A recommendation from Jamie. We shall see

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Jamie Chaos

I am a former all-time, all federation world record holder in raw powerlifting at 181lbs, a record I broke just to say fuck you to the internet’s “lifting” community and the powerlifting community at large. Over the last ten years I’ve written over 500 articles on strength training, nutrition, and supplementation, and continue to do so simply to fight the tide of weakness and sadness that currently pervades the scene I’ve called home for the better part of three decades. I’ve got personal trainin certs, BodyPump and BodyCombat certs, a BA in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Arizona, and MBAs from the Vienna University and University of South Carolina on my side, in addition to some sick lifts and a hell of a lot of rage. What the fuck have you got?

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