Plague of Strength

As I was writing up a review for the Joe Begos bloodfest Bliss, I threw on another movie in the background for noise and occasional inspiration- VFW. I knew nothing about VFW beyond the badass plot, and assumed it would either be Boomer bullshit about how they’re all invincible tough guys with hearts of gold who don’t whine incessantly and piss their pants daily or the single greatest thing ever filmed. It turned out to be in the running for the latter category, so I switched gears to write about that. I’d already noted a similar color palette and use of serious practical gore effects, but was still happily shocked to discover they were from the same unknown filmmaker. Thus, this quick article turned into a 1200 word monstrosity in which I give you a bunch of great shit to watch on lockdown.

Bliss (2019)

I almost placed Bliss into the cosmic horror article, because it shares a lot of features with Mandy, which I also consider to be somewhat cosmic horror. Certainly there’s far more gore than what you’re meant to expect from Lovecraftian shit, and there is no mention of the Old Gods, but there is enough of an homage to the insignificance of the human experience and the constant presence of the unexplainable even in a scientific age that “cosmic horror” seems to fit.

Luckily, a number of reviewers seem to agree, so my pretense at writing about the topic of cosmic horror is at least someone justified. Bliss is similar in many regards to The Devil’s Candy (2017), as they’re both about more or less possessed painters who break through their artist’s block with blood-drenched psychosis. Bliss, like VFW, makes the culprit a new designer drug in a color-saturated and seedy world that’s perpetually dark and grimy.

There’s a review in Paste that summarizes the plot at least as well as I could,

“There’s a wicked, EC Comics allure to Bliss’ premise, and in fact feels like a natural partner to “Easel Kill Ya,” the eighth episode of Tales from the Crypt’s third season, in which Tim Roth plays a struggling artist who finds fresh creative influence in murder most foul. It doesn’t end well for him. Things don’t go much better for Dezzy, but the journey of her downfall is an aggressive and texturally pleasing ride. Bliss is a horror film so awash in sensation and driven by excess that viewers might think it possible to reach through the screen and wipe the grime and gore and sweat and sex right off of the walls (though they’d risk losing a limb in the process). Dezzy has an unhealthy appetite that grows exponentially as Bliss rockets forward. She’s not particular, either: finger, nose, elbow, throat—it’s all the same to her” (Crump).

If you combine the freneticism of the Crank movies with the gore and cosmic horror aspects of Mandy, you get Bliss. Yeah, it’s that fucking good, and it’s free on Shudder (along with a few other awesome flicks I’ll mention at the bottom of the page).

VFW (2019)

The creator of Bliss seems to have sat down and watched Bliss and thought, “Nah, the hyper-saturated colors made it too fucking cheery,” because he came back with an 70s throwback flick that pays homage to the film that really popularized home invasion flicks (though they actually date back to about a century ago), Assault on Precinct 13. Using actors who were popular in that decade, Begos manages to use Boomers in an action flick without acting like they’re fucking superheroes.

Instead, they’re just pissed off, bored old vets who are pissed they can’t get to the strip club. The official synopsis, lacking spoilers, goes like this:

“A group of war veterans must defend their local VFW post and an innocent teen against a deranged drug dealer and his relentless army of punk mutants.”

That synopsis actually does justice both to the nods Begos gives Lloyd Kaufman and Troma and the film itself, but to give you a better idea of what you’re getting, imagine that to fulfill their goal of a film with that general plot you took these steps.

Step 1: Create cool new source for rage zombies

Step 2: Bring in the single best practical effects team in Hollywood today and give them a tanker truck filled with chunky blood.

Step 3: Cast the maniac instructor from Karate Kid, the old ripped dude from Don’t Breathe, blaxploitation legend Fred “The Hammer” Williamson, the bad guy from Die Hard 2, George from Cheers, and the weird little psycho from Mindscape (who in the fuck knows why I remember that flick), The Warriors, and Last Man Standing.

Step 4: Slightly change the plot of Green Room to make it even more dope and ultraviolent.

Step 5: Film VFW with the same same color palette and musical tone as Mandy.

This movie is fucking outrageous from start to finish, and it is worth every fucking penny of the $6 they’re charging for it on all major streaming sites. Seriously, if you can’t afford it, just steal six bucks from someone and buy the damn thing, because we need to keep this guy in business.

Also on Shudder

For those of you who’ve not yet jumped on the Shudder bandwagon, you should- for five bucks a month on Amazon you get access to a revolving library of seriously dope flicks. While we’re all trapped at home, five bucks is a small price to pay for a new diversion or five.

Satanic Panic (2019)

I’ve attempted to review this movie before on Amazon, because it’s fucking phenomenal, but they deleted due to my inclusion of this quote, which I ended up putting on IMDB just so people could see the rapier-like wit of the screenwriters:

“Oh my god. You’re like a big retarded baby. My mom and her butt buddies are booty calling Baphoment, and we’re gonna hide in here like scared little bitches because they can turn your liver into fire ants. If they find us, they’re not gonna kill us- they’re gonna do shit that you can’t comprehend. And they’re not going to stop until you’re strapped naked to a barbed wire altar with a fifteen foot beast of Gehenna and his double pronged demon dong walking around your cooch chute like it’s a revolving door of ground beef.”

… as you can see there, it’s an absolute must-see horror comedy.

Mayhem (2017)

A film about which I’ve written before, and I mention it again because it’s rad and free on Shudder. This blows Belco Experiment out of the fucking water (and there’s an article in the works about that whole trope of killer office environments), and my linked review gives you all of the goods on it.

The Furies (2019)

This is rad new take on both the ultra-meta horror film, the killer game show trope, and slasher movies. I don’t want to give too much away, so check out the trailer- this flick does not disappoint. It’s a bit of a mashup between The Perfection, Cabin in the Woods, and unknown low-budget shitfest gem Slashers, overlaid with that weird Aussie horror-in-the-outback feel.

Revenge (2018)

The name pretty much says it all- it’s a revenge flick. After a mobster fails in his attempt to murder his girlfriend after his buddy rapes her, the girl hunts the hunters the mobster sends to finish the job. The kill scenes are great, the plot is well conceived, and the chick in question is not hard on the eyes (which is unsurprising as she’s a model from Milan). Definitely worth a watch.

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