Your cart is currently empty!
Stewroids: Arm-Wrasslin’ Hillbilly Style
Though it’s rare I’ll take any cues in life from people 1) missing teeth, 2) wearing hunting camo, or 3) with NRA stickers on their car, there is something to be said for occasionally stealing a page from the hardy, uneducated weirdo one finds on and around mountains in the backwoods of any country. I would venture to guess that exceptions exist, but at least in the United States (and possibly Canada), one can find all sorts of toothless, hard-drinking, foul-mouthed hardasses who will as soon eat roadkill as threaten a foreigner with a firearm, and who likely has more knowledge on surviving and thriving in conditions most of us would consider deplorable.
Such, apparently, is how life goes in the Ozarks, which are mountains located in the ass end of… actually, none of you should ever go there, so it doesn’t matter where they are. Let’s just say they span states most Americans can’t find on a map, and is squarely located in the banjo-music filled hell on Earth known as the American Bible Belt, so named because although they’ve never read the fucking book, the people there are happy to yell about it and Jesus until one of you stabs the other. If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not- the Beverly Hillbillies were based on Ozark culture, except that given that the Ozarks were a bastion of rough-and-tumble fighting, imagine the Hillbillies horribly disfigured, sporting filed teeth (all the better to chew off noses) and incredibly prone to random acts of mayhem (Wikipedia).
Though the modern people of the Ozarks mostly just seem to be content to yell about Jesus, speak in tongues, and shoot small animals rather than gouge out each others’ eyes and chew off noses, they do have a thriving strength sports culture, and small, informal arm wrestling competitions are the norm in local bars. That, then would provide both the historical background and modern day evidence one might want for perhaps investigating the local fare, which of course consists of a great deal of game meat and stew. One of the most popular dishes in the area, and one about which celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain raved, stating it was probably the best drunk food he’s ever eaten, is Ozark Chili, otherwise known as Spaghetti Red.
You can go two ways with this dish, as you’re about to see. If you just want hearty, meaty fare that’s as keto as gnawing on your next door neighbor’s arm and heavy enough in calories to fuel brutal workouts, skip the noodles. If you want a recipe that’s going to put meat on your bones, rescue you from the clutches of a hangover, or serve as a preworkout meal for some drunken armwrestling, add the noodles- just add a cup of cooked spaghetti for every pound of meat in the chili, mix it all together before plating it, and serve. And although I have no idea why someone would add some of these things to chili (Anthony Bourdain was similarly horrified), Spaghetti Red is typically served with hot sauce, vinegar, ketchup, onions, pickles, shredded cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, and mustard. Add those if and when you dare.
Ingredients
3 medium onions, chopped
6 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 lb bacon, cut into pieces
2 0z Gebhardt’s chili powder
1/2 oz dark chili powder
3 lb chuck roast, cubed red pepper to taste
1 can beef broth
1 lb hot pork sausage
1 can green chilies, minced
1tbsp crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp dried habenero chilies
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp coriander
1 can tomato sauce
1 can Rotel diced tomatoes and green chilies
1/2 cup oregano tea (1 tsp oregano steeped in hot water 30 minutes)
1 tbs salt
4 drops Tabasco sauce
- Fry bacon until crisp, then add onions, garlic, and both kinds of chili powder. Saute until onions are clear.
- Brown beef in large skillet, a pound at a time, adding sprinkles of red pepper while browning. Add some broth to pan to keep meat from sticking. Add each batch to crock pot after browning and stir.
- Brown sausage with minced green chilies, then add habeneros when sausage is just about brown.
- Add spices, tomato sauce, Rotel tomatoes, and remaining broth. Mix well and cook for 30 minutes in crock pot on high.
- Add oregano tea and Tabasco.
- Cook on low for 15 more minutes and serve.
Adding three cups of cooked spaghetti to this belly bomb will net you another 884 calories, 5.2g fat, 172g of carbs, and 32 grams of protein… making this one of the most brutal, well-balanced weight gaining recipes I’ve ever seen.
So, go get your hillybilly on and start packing on that mass… just try to avoid eye-gouging.
Sources:
Gouging. Wikipedia. Web. 20 Oct 2014. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gouging_(fighting_style)
Ozark Mountain Chili. ChiliCookin.com. Web. 20 Oct 2014. http://www.chilicookin.com/Recipes/Web/OzarkMtn.htm
Spaghetti Red. Wikipedia. Web. 20 Oct 2014. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti_Red
Search
Latest Posts
Latest Comments
Categories
Archives
- October 2024 (1)
- February 2024 (1)
- July 2023 (1)
- May 2023 (1)
- April 2023 (2)
- March 2023 (4)
- February 2023 (1)
- January 2023 (1)
- August 2022 (1)
- June 2022 (1)
- May 2022 (1)
- March 2022 (1)
- February 2022 (1)
- January 2022 (2)
- December 2021 (8)
- November 2021 (8)
- October 2021 (22)
- September 2021 (6)
- August 2021 (12)
- July 2021 (7)
- June 2021 (6)
- May 2021 (7)
- April 2021 (4)
- March 2021 (7)
- February 2021 (9)
- January 2021 (6)
- December 2020 (3)
- November 2020 (7)
- October 2020 (7)
- September 2020 (4)
- August 2020 (6)
- July 2020 (6)
- June 2020 (5)
- May 2020 (9)
- April 2020 (6)
- March 2020 (8)
- February 2020 (9)
- January 2020 (11)
- December 2019 (10)
- November 2019 (5)
- October 2019 (8)
- September 2019 (6)
- August 2019 (4)
- July 2019 (6)
- June 2019 (10)
- May 2019 (9)
- April 2019 (5)
- March 2019 (8)
- February 2019 (8)
- January 2019 (9)
- December 2018 (6)
- November 2018 (3)
- September 2018 (1)
- August 2018 (1)
- July 2018 (5)
- June 2018 (2)
- May 2018 (5)
- April 2018 (4)
- March 2018 (3)
- February 2018 (3)
- January 2018 (1)
- December 2017 (2)
- November 2017 (2)
- October 2017 (5)
- September 2017 (1)
- August 2017 (2)
- July 2017 (1)
- June 2017 (3)
- October 2016 (2)
- August 2016 (1)
- March 2016 (1)
- December 2015 (1)
- November 2015 (1)
- October 2015 (1)
- August 2015 (2)
- July 2015 (3)
- June 2015 (1)
- April 2015 (1)
- March 2015 (1)
- February 2015 (2)
- January 2015 (1)
- December 2014 (2)
- November 2014 (1)
- October 2014 (3)
- September 2014 (3)
- August 2014 (5)
- July 2014 (5)
- June 2014 (5)
- May 2014 (3)
- April 2014 (5)
- March 2014 (6)
- February 2014 (7)
- January 2014 (8)
- December 2013 (2)
- November 2013 (4)
- October 2013 (6)
- September 2013 (5)
- August 2013 (5)
- July 2013 (5)
- June 2013 (5)
- May 2013 (4)
- April 2013 (4)
- March 2013 (5)
- February 2013 (6)
- January 2013 (7)
- December 2012 (4)
- November 2012 (5)
- October 2012 (5)
- September 2012 (9)
- August 2012 (7)
- July 2012 (7)
- June 2012 (8)
- May 2012 (9)
- April 2012 (9)
- March 2012 (5)
- February 2012 (7)
- January 2012 (5)
- December 2011 (4)
- November 2011 (10)
- October 2011 (5)
- September 2011 (4)
- August 2011 (6)
- July 2011 (5)
- June 2011 (4)
- May 2011 (5)
- April 2011 (4)
- March 2011 (5)
- February 2011 (4)
- January 2011 (3)
- December 2010 (7)
- November 2010 (12)
- October 2010 (13)
- September 2010 (11)
- August 2010 (14)
- July 2010 (11)
- June 2010 (7)
- May 2010 (8)
- April 2010 (11)
- March 2010 (4)
- February 2010 (7)
- January 2010 (13)
- December 2009 (6)
- November 2009 (6)
- October 2009 (9)
- September 2009 (12)
- August 2009 (5)
- July 2009 (7)
- June 2009 (9)
- May 2009 (7)
- April 2009 (6)
- March 2009 (9)
- February 2009 (7)
Tags
Newsletter
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.
Insert the contact form shortcode with the additional CSS class- "wydegrid-newsletter-section"
By signing up, you agree to the our terms and our Privacy Policy agreement.
15 responses to “Stewroids: Arm-Wrasslin’ Hillbilly Style”
I always thought the nutcases who speak in tongues and stuff like that would be good at steel-bending and stuff with a high pain threshold.
Interesting thought. They might be.
Ahh those were men of grosser blood, full of testosterone and moonshine. Unfortunately having once watched 'Here Comes Honney Boo Boo', whenever I hear about hillbillies I picture that henpecked toothless cunt who married the fat, farting mess from the show.
Honey boo boos a real show? I thought south park made it up… I think I preferred it when I thought that.
This looks awesome, so tired of wings and ribs. More shit like this please bro!
Or how about more shit like this, erm, 'bro'…
http://m.liveleak.com/view?i=b4f_1414037735
Very rare video of Bob Peoples deadlifting.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IoLs5KdeLQg
Well played.
Make steroids out of the fatties and Feed the Hillbillies. No more fatties and no more hunger/poverty from the over abundance of free food..
http://m.ebay.co.uk/itm/231065090375?nav=SEARCH
Thinking of getting some of this shit as a pre workout cologne. Has anyone else tried it, does it work?
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XEqA84R0lYU
Jamie, it's been a while since you hinted at being some sort of Nordicist, why not post some Nazi porn in your next blog?
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iIIuR-HjFho
+$3,624 profit last week…
Receive 5 Star verified winning picks on NFL, NBA, MLB & NHL + Anti-Vegas Smart Money Signals!!!
Order a Sparkling White Smiles Custom Teeth Whitening System online and enjoy BIG SAVINGS!
* Up to 10 shades whiter in days!
* Results Guaranteed.
* Better than your dentist, for a fraction of the cost.
* Same as dentists use.