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Stop Being a Pussy- Go Fucking Feral
Tragically, you can’t cut the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would improve.
A Preface:
Of late, I have received a tremendous volume of emails from people who wish to have me hold their hands like small children as they make their way through the gym, constantly looking to me for affirmation and recognition as they make exercise, set, and rep selections. Those are the “good” emails. The bad ones are the nebulous requests for assistance in designing a program to achieve equally nebulous goals issued only after a tremendous amount of dick sucking and bullshittery, in stark defiance of every single fucking word I’ve thus posted on this site. As such, it seems that my readership has devolved into a pack of mewling babies who wish to have me push their carriages through the gym and suck my cock rather than their mommy’s tit as I do so.
This will not do.
The entire purpose of this site is to encourage free thought, strength of will, and conscious action. I don’t wish to mollycoddle a pack of pussies through their daily lives, and resent the implication that I do. Should you think I’m addressing you, emailers, I more than likely am. The shit is getting way out of fucking hand. I like helping people out, and many of my readers will attest to the fact that I’ve gone to great lengths to do so.
When I receive an email, however, that essentially amounts to “I want to be exactly like you, Jamie, so please tell me everything I need to so so that I can be your doppelganger,” I want to smash my fucking computer on the ground and set fire to everything I’ve ever written. I want to club baby seals and mail their shattered bodies stuffed with dogshit to these idiots as a reply, rather than turn off my computer in disgust and wonder why the fuck I even bother.
Instead, I shall make yet another lofty intellectual appeal replete with anthropological reason for why humans shouldn’t suck as a rejoinder to this spate of bullshit, in hopes that for once you motherfuckers will get the goddamned message.
That message is simple:
You can and should be better, stronger, faster, leaner, and more learned than you are, and the only one who can make you so is you.
Don’t send me an email how to start down the path, and don’t ask me for recommendations on what fucking shorts you should wear to the gym. If you need that much hand-holding, have your parent or caretaker lead you to the nearest gun shop and buy yourself a bullet and a gun, and put yourself out of your family’s misery.
The Motherfucking Truth:
I shall now point you to some of historical precedents the lot of you have likely never considered, yet serve as an awesome reminder that the human animal is far more capable than we allow it to be at everything that animal wishes to do. The only thing preventing people from achieving the amazing is their brain, which due to a variety of factors tells us that we’re weaker, slower, dumber, and more pathetic than should have ever become acceptable. This is reinforced by a couple of individual issues, namely your brain’s reliance on automaticity to conserve energy and the fact that groupthink is overwhelmingly negative and influences your thinking in a similarly negative way. When unencumbered by those things, however, humans are capable of incredible shit- in particular, people who’ve never been told they cannot do something physically challenging end up being nearly superhuman.
There’s only one way to avoid the odious influence of your fellow man- to grow up in an environment isolated from humans. People who do so are typically referred to as “feral” and as you can imagine, are 10,000 different kinds of awesome. Though many of the most amazing stories have since been debunked as hoaxes (most notably the gazelle-boys who were reported to have outrun Jeeps and helicopters to evade their pursuers), there are still enough true stories about people who became incredibly strong and fast simply because they didn’t know any better to evoke a response in even the toughest of critics.
One such story, and perhaps the most compelling, is that or the Wild Girl of Champagne. This broad was perhaps one of the few in history to have been tougher than Chris “Cyborg” Santos and lived two years in the wild on a diet so paleo that Robb Wolff cries himself to sleep at night thinking about it.
“When coaxed from a tree in Songi near Chalons in the French district of Champagne in 1731, she was aged about 10, barefoot, and dressed in rags and skins with a gourd leaf on her head. In a pouch she carried a cudgel and a knife inscribed with indecipherable characters. She shrieked and squeaked, and was so dirty (or possibly painted) that she was mistaken for a black child. Her diet consisted of birds, frogs and fish, leaves, branches and roots. Given a rabbit, she immediately skinned and devoured it.
“Her fingers and in particular her thumbs, were extraordinarily large,” according to a contemporary witness, the famous scientist Charles Marie de la Condamine. She is said to have used her thumbs to dig out roots and swing from tree to tree like a monkey. She was a very fast runner and had phenomenally sharp eyesight. When the Queen of Poland, the mother of the French queen, passed through Champagne in 1737 to take possession of the Duchy of Lorraine, she heard about the girl and took her hunting, where she outran and killed rabbits” (Wild Things).
She’d only be tougher if she spent a couple of years in the forest bereft of human influence.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the practice of coursing, you’re likely unclear on exactly how hard it is to outrun a rabbit. To put it plainly, if you can outrun a rabbit, you’d set records at the NFL Combine in the 3 cone drill and the 20 yard shuttle- you’d be able to change directions at speed faster than many greyhounds, and could haul fucking ass uphill. Thus, not only did this broad have elite-level speed at the age of ten, but she had the upper body strength of a gymnast- thus making her the uncrowned female champion of the CrossFit games simply because she was never told she couldn’t be fucking amazing by the people around her.
There have been many other feral children reported over the ages, ranging from bear-children to wolf-children, and even children raised by goats, pigs and birds. Those that weren’t evidently abandoned by their parents for various infirmities (the Russians in particular seem to be pretty fond of that, and most of the dog-children and wolf-children seem to come from Russia or former Russian Republics) are by all accounts superhuman, and are generally regarded as being insanely fast quadrupedal runners. Many of them, Indian wolf-boys in particular, were said to be faster on all fours than the fastest people in the area, which is fairly ridiculous given that humans are in no way suited to running on all fours (Wild Things, Wikipedia).
“Fourteen wolf-children were found in India between 1841 and 1895, seven of which were described by General WH Sleeman, the nemesis of the Thugs. The first was captured in Hasunpur (near Sultanpur in what is now Uttar Pradesh), and showed most of the typical wolf child characteristics. His favourite food was raw meat, and he was unable to speak. ‘There were evident signs, on his knees and elbows, of his having gone on all-fours,’ wrote Sleeman; ‘and when asked to run on all-fours, he used to do so, and went so fast that no-one could overtake him’”(Wild Things).
Additionally, these children were all reported to be much less sensitive to pain and the elements than the average person, which is a trait shared by Buddhist monks who have trained themselves to ignore pain (Wild Things, Wikipedia).
For those of you who are calling bullshit, which by the emails I receive is most or all of you motherfuckers, consider this- monks who practice the meditation technique known as g Tum-Mo can regulate their own body temperature to the point where they can sleep in the snow without any covering and suffer no apparent harm, and are said to be able to dry cold, wet cloths put over their shoulders in a cold room by regulating their own internal body temperature (Cromie).
“Monks in Tibet-that mountainous country so blessed with oddities-can consciously raise the temperature in their hands and feet 6-7º C (10-12º F), in laboratory conditions (Benson, et al., 1982). There appear to be several methods of g Tum-mo meditation, as described by Alexandra David-Neel (1965), but all seem to involve the visualization of oneself filled with fire. Whether, for adepts, such visualization is necessary for control of body temperature is not clear to me, because Benson reports that one of his research participants began undergoing g-Tummo changes every time he sat down. Monks will even have little contests where they spend a night on a river bank, repeatedly draping themselves with wet sheets, and seeing who can dry the most. I get cold just thinking about it.
It presumably takes some time to develop this ability, but apparently not so much that it is rare in Tibet: David-Neel claims that most Tibetans have the knowledge of how to do it, and that they put it to practical use” (Savage Minds).
Pain or damage don’t end the world. Or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you’re dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man… and give some back.
Thus, you have a bit of scientific support for the anecdotal evidence I’ve provided- the only thing standing in the way of your greatness is the giant, bloody vagina sitting atop your shoulders. Ellen Langer explained in her book Counterclockwise that the second step in the “psychology of possibility” is to try out new things without evaluating ourselves as we go along (Langer 16). The lack of evaluation of essential for exceeding who you are, and who you think you could be. If you push yourself to try new shit, shit you never thought you’d be able to do, you could surprise yourself. The key, however, is to leave your judgement of yourself behind. You cannot walk into the gym wearing a powdered wig and swinging a gavel at every opportunity- should you do so, you remove both the possibility for experimentation and any probability of greatness, because you’ll be too fucking busy talking shit to yourself, convincing yourself that you’re incapable and weak and useless as everyone around you to attack the fucking weights and be a goddamned superman.
I will profane your fucking remains.
It’s also essential that you ape the feral children I mentioned earlier at this point and isolate yourself from people from time to time (or as I do with my headphones), because society will tell you that you’re incapable, that you’re weak, that you’re unable to handle the workload, or the weight, or the exercise. In interdependant communities, people will turn against you if you’re perceived as different- ‘people who departed from the norm could be dangerous to the whole community- whether they were rich or very poor. Either way, there was a tendency to seek the center and to resent people who were misfits”(Brafman 124).
If you haven’t looked around the gym recently, you might want to take fucking note of this, because gyms are thoroughly interdependant communities. Everyone’s fucking everyone, everyone’s watching everyone, and everyone is all up in everyone’s shit. You probably know more crazy bullshit rumors about the motherfuckers in your gym than you do about your own family members, and you know more about the guys who lift on your “shift” than you do about the most prominent lifters in your sport. As such, anything you do that runs counter to the norm is being constantly evaluated, judged, and likely talked down when you’re not around if you’re doing anything out of the norm. Thus, if you wall yourself off from all of the nonsense and naysaying and bullshit with a massive wall of shrieking metal, you can create your own feral paradise in which anything is possible, so long as you believe it’s so.
Sources:
Brafman, Ori and Rom Brafman. Sway: The Irresistable Pull of Irrational Behavior. Doubletree: New York, 2008.
Cromie, William J. Meditation changes temperatures. harvard Gazette. 18 Apr 2002. Web. 12 Aug 2019. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2002/04/meditation-changes-temperatures/
Feral Child. Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feral_child#cite_note-28
Langer, Ellen. Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and The Power of Possibility. New York: Ballantine, 2009.
Savage Minds: g Tum-mo Heat Meditation. International Cognition and Culture Institute. 10/08/2009. http://www.cognitionandculture.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=525:g-tum-mo-heat-meditation&catid=40&Itemid=34
Sieveking, Paul. Wild Things: Feral Children. http://www.forteantimes.com/features/articles/232/wild_things_feral_children.html
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74 responses to “Stop Being a Pussy- Go Fucking Feral”
Pleased to be the first one to comment and proud that I've never asked for your f*cking advice on anything!
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I don't even know what to say to those beyond retarded tidbits from the emails you've gotten… So instead I'm going to remark that Tom Hardys traps in Warrior were awesome.
Great read, love your book too,
I realized yesterday that I've been sleep walking through a lot of my workouts. I'm getting the work done but I'm lacking focus and a bit of drive/intensity. I need to get a bit crazy for a change.
Good article.
Jamie,
Surely you knew this would happen…
I remember seeing a bunch of faggots on BB.com (and similar sites) talking about how they were going to do what "that guy from ChA0S aNd PaNe" does.
I would laugh and wonder if you had seen this bullshittery. They missed the part on your blog that said you should DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
I don't imitate your style of lifting (partials, lol), but I do enjoy the spirit and thought you put into this blog.
People did the same thing after John Broz told them all that they could lift and squat heavy every fucking day on BB.com and TNation. His Youtube videos are filled with idiotic questions asking him to outline programs for them when he had already done so by telling them to go to max, do as many singles of that shit as you can, decrease the weight a bit, then do doubles or triples until you can't do it anymore. Then do the same shit again the next day and every other day of your life and awesome will happen or you will be a flaming Nancyboy and quit.
In any case…POST MORE TITZ.
I'm not the least bit surprised by this post. I had most of these clowns pegged as phonies more than a year ago.
good read, as always I'm hoping you are addressing the retarded minority of your regular readers.
Never heard the story of the Wild Child of Champagne before, crazy shit, concepts worth exploring…
Thank you.
It annoys me that people have become so incapable of using the search tool and reading through the archives… Fuck… This place should be filled with vikings not fucking pussies.
any hunter knows rabbits run in circles, stupid white people chase the fucking thing and stupid rich white people pay to see it.
good article, peoples fascination on people who aren't enslaved by a master or sovereign are consider by some intellects as savages. as well, the intent of the meaning of savages has been misinterpreted since t. hobbes leviathan which would've been caught up in popular social mythology at the time of ms. wild girl.
fuck lacrosse balls and foam rollers use spears to hit those trigger points.
There's nothing better than having a nice pancake and coffee breakfast and then come to this site to see the picture of a (shit?) puking whore.
Thank you Jamie.
I stumbled upon this site because it was hilarious and I liked your ideas… not because I wanted to be like you. But I guess as you become more popular people will keep flocking and with them more clowns. Anyways keep up the good work!
The price of success, my friend.
biotch on a be-ach
http://tinyurl.com/86tyv2b
If you're writing this series for the sake of the people who want to be spoonfed everything, I don't think it will work. (It's still a good read though.) I don't think it's possible to make other people more independent and free thinking and generally awesome. Last time someone tried that (objectivism) , the LEAST fucked up thing came out of it was Mike Mentzer. But I suspect you're doing this just to feel like you tried. That's why I still answer my friends when they ask me questions about lifting, even when I know they're just going to ignore everything I said.
I've wanted to try that towel steaming/drying in freezing weather thing the Tibetan monks do ever since last year, when I got into a debate with my neuroscience professor about whether their meditation was actually doing anything special or whether anyone willing to sit out in the cold with a wet towel could make it steam. (I'm inclined to believe the latter) I'll try to do it next time it's below freezing outside and I remember/have a day off. (I live in Mississippi, so below freezing necessarily means 29 degrees, rather than a 40 below Tibetan blizzard but still. I'll let you know if it works, to support the whole you can accomplish outlandish things if you think you can message.
Fuck you, Jamie: I emailed you saying you should write about Bert Assitari and you write back and then do nothing. Also, I try to be polite to you and you end up calling me "bro".
And you must have known for years that most of your readers are pathetic subs who fantasise about you fucking the girl they like whilst they watch from a closet: Just look at the old C&P forums.
You give examples of people who live with nothing but rain and hunger and then compare that to you lifting in a well-heated well-lit room on shiny man-made equipment whilst wearing headphones that play someone else's art and someone else's words into your own head.
Good post, though.
Re: first poster.
The message here is to use a bit of critical thinking and listen to what's being said in the archives, Before asking questions. Jamie has been more than helpful clearing up ideas from the cnp articles. Asking for advice from an experienced individual in any subject is only time efficient
Who would have guessed??? Cyborg is on the juice.
http://www.sherdog.com/news/news/CSAC-Cris-Cyborg-Suspended-for-Anabolic-Steroid-Use-38837
@ Adam: Rabbits do run in circles but they are pretty big. The fact that they run in circles doesn't make them any easier to catch.
I have a friend who caught a rabbit once with his bare hands. He ended up keeping it as a pet.
pretty unlikely story Glen, im calling bullshit. you expect us to believe that you had a friend?
Sell me a T-shirt.
Best thing this blog ever did for me was to train via autoregulation, which is what everyone should do. Autoregulation automatically covers the proven scientific stuff (i.e. Dual Factor) and training how you want means you stick with it, lift heavy shit, and kick ass. Training 6 days a week is the best thing that ever happened to me. Now if I could only fit in 3-6 more light sessions. Using bodyweight at the moment.
Got any emails yet that read "jamie i agree w/ ur post but i dont wanna go to feral"
Jamie,
I feel your pain. When I was more active on various forums in past years, the amount of maddening questions on forums, emails, etc almost drove me mad. Almost drove "John Smith" mad too, whoever he was.
It is funny how people seem to sharply divide themselves on any forum into those who ask questions and those who answer them. And often it doesnt seem to matter what experience or knowledge one has. You get your guys who are 45 years old, been training for 20 years, competed in powerlifting for a decade, Highland games for a while and done one or two weightlifting meets who are still just by nature question askers. And you got your 20 year olds who have never done a full squat, are fresh off their first cycle of 'roids and loving how the tribal tat they got to fit in at the fraternity house looks on their new swole shoulders who are immedietly question answerers.
And it seems that a lot of question askers are pretty desperate to get their "fix" and if they find someone who does have some legit knowledge or who is willing to say hey do stuff this way, then the mobbing begins. Seems to even help if you are willing to dish out a bit of abuse. Look at the hilarity that ensues daily on SS. Hell look at this blog. Guess its just a personality thing.
Which is interesting, because what style of training works for a person, along with their chosen sport or what they are training for is also based on personality.
Although I am NOT a detail person in most of my life, when it comes to training/coaching i am the opposite. Very, very systematic which is why i have always liked heavy sets across. Its a style of training that largely limits messiness and disorder like missed reps or extreme highs or lows in training. makes it very easy to see measurable progress, measurable increases in volume, intensity, workload, etc.
Others (you for instance) are more motivated by a bit more disorder, chaos in fact. Just going into the gym and busting your ass and working really hard and destroying shit, proving others wrong, going against the grain.
Since we both know that the only 2 things that are absolutely required to make a strength program work are to: 1)do very hard work, and 2)over time do more and more very hard work, obviously more than one approach will work.
But there are less of your type who are question askers on the internet forums. There are a lot more who not only want to be given a program and told to do it, but need to be told they are idiots if they modify it in any way, chastised if they question it, and assured that it is THEIR fault if it doesnt work, not the fault of the program.
So, it is a losing proposition to build a website around telling people to think for themselves. Those who already do aren't listening, and those who are listening probably never will.
In spite of this, you have managed to make yourself "One of the 40 people most likely to influence the fitness world in 2012". It is true, recently read that on some website, you are right up there with Mike Boyle and Eric Cressy. Which is surely accounted for mainly because you are a great writer, funny as hell, and a great many people, like me, enjoy the crap out of reading your blog.
glenn pendlay
I bought your book last month December 8 I believe. I read it and it made me say phuck it to conventional wisdom and do not regret it. I am on my way to break National Powerlifting records at 132lb or 123lbs if I can dehydrate appropriately I am also on my way to be the Next UFC champion at 125lbs. Follow my blog and journey to success.
That heat generation doesn't take long to learn. How do I know? 'Cause I learned it. When I was about 15.
I read about it in some book, then found myself waiting around outside in the cold, so I tried it. First time it kind of did something. The next week, same wait, I tried again… in a couple of weeks I was fine and could stand around in snow for an hour or so without discomfort.
The energy still comes from within however, so it won't save your life if you were going to freeze to death. It MIGHT save your life if feeling warm is the difference between shivering till you die or getting off your frozen ass and solving your problem.
"Follow my blog and journey to success"
Jose – just looked at your blog. It's amazing!! WOW!! Look at you!! You've used the power of words, and video, to make yourself look the biggest bell-end this particular blog has ever seen (sorry Dray). How do people get so self deluded? Fuck me I can't think of anything witty to write, i'm so shocked.
I had my testosterone checked today and I will get my results on Thursday. My guess is it is at over 1000. I will be trying out for professional boxing and Ultimate fighting as there is no one who will even compete with me at my weight. I will be unstoppable you guys can take my word for it. You guys are looking the future Fedor.
Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his test?
It’s over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!
WHAT?! NINE THOUSAND?!
NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!
ever heard of Frank Yang, he's a crazy dude
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGQfTgqQBok
Just uploaded a video in my blog of my lifts 5 weeks out from my first competition.
Please take that bodyfit plug down. It's embarrassing.
Look, the most important thing here is that Warrior and Deadwood are both fucking awesome. Cocksuckers.
Wheres the "like" button for Pendlay's comment.
@ Jose lol, Mike Kuhns aka he Mighty Midget owns you and crappy bodyfit device.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DdQf36pjwo
I have only been squatting 3 months. And I have decent proportions and do not look like a midget.
Contrary to popular belief, MMMA is about more than just your physique.
Are you on your school's wrestling team? Do you box? Have you ever even been punched in the face before? Do you have any sort of timeline in mind for learning the basics, rising through the amateur ranks, turning pro and eventually getting noticed by the UFC? You can't possibly think that Dana White would just give you a title shot on the grounds of your lifts in the weightroom.
And if you seriously think that you hit harder than George St. Pierre because of your score on some barroom toy after winding up like Popeye then congratulations, you're the most delusional kid on this blog and that's saying something.
check out Wim Hof the Iceman,he makes those Tummo monks look like a bunch of sissy pants. He did a full marathon in the arctic wearing nothing but shorts.He says in his book that the cold training simply makes your veins and arteries stronger and more adaptable like weight training for your vascular system. innerfire.nl is his site
Three months of squatting huh?
ususally I would have trolled Jose, but he is so naive, so hopelessly delusionally positive I kind of want to root for him.
Like in high school when the someone passes the ball to the kid with down syndrome and he just fuckin charges the defensive line with it and you find yourself cheering like 'this is it, this is the definition of humanity. Triumph of hope. True overcoming of adversity. Divinity of the spirit. Dat nigga about to get stomped lol'
Gabriel's trumpet will produce you from the ass of a pig.
You people are all fucking morons for taking seriously a guy whose entire blog is to promote the "BodyMedia Fit armband".
@Glenn- Hahaha, I suppose it is a losing proposition to design a website around telling people to do what they want, but I'd no idea that this was going to become anything other than a repository for my thoughts and a way to get a laugh out of my friends. If I can get a couple of kids to stop sucking for five minutes and throw their fucking iPhone in the gutter, however, I'll call it a victory.
@Matthew- That's a great fucking line.
@Alexandro- Nah, but I have gotten a couple that read along the lines of "I saw your post and knew it was directed at me, but at least I wasn't the guy who said _____", hahaha.
@Harrynutsek- I'm pretty sure she's puking shit. She's a pretty big fan of puking shit into peoples' mouths. Well, and onto pizza, and then eating the pizza. And having shit puked into her mouth while 8 months prgnant. She's a special one, that Alexia.
I have removed all the links as what ever money I would make from bodymedia compares nothing to what I will be making in professional fighting. You guys can take my word for it. You will be seeing me fight in the future and I will be champion. I am going to max out on saturday and I am aiming for 350 squat, 295 Bench, and 425 dead lift for my first attempts. I will be doing this at about 148-149lbs, and with only a little over 3 months of training. I will also get my Testosterone results today so I will include those also. I will record my lifts and post the video in my blog. My blog will now only be about my journey to success.
Put together a nice diet ebook with all the methods to your discipline and charge me a sum of 10$ again please 🙂 Any time im not feeling up to the task of eating stringently, ill open a page that tells me to beat myself over the head with a tackhammer, because im a giant goon.
also who the fuck pays for testosterone results? those tests cost like an extra 40$ on top of normal bloodwork and you probably wont even understand the values you get.
The body heat thing the Tibetans do is simple as pie. Step one is get out of the wind so you can create a heat envelope around your body. Step two is accept the fact that you're freezing your ass off. Step three is to round your back or slouch. Step four is inhale quickly and exhale very slowly, and let your lungs stay empty as long as is comfortable. Do that for one minute and see that I'm right. Being feral may be nice, but you have to learn everything by yourself.
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