Plague of Strength

So, you’ve decided to do the meet and now you need to make weight, eh?  If you’re one of the half dozen people who’ve emailed me that these blogs come just at the “right time” because you’ve got a meet this month, you’re probably fucked.  Proper fucked.  Done correctly, weight cutting will require a decent amount of pre-competition experimentation to determine how your body will react, a shitload of dieting, and a hell of a lot of unpleasantness- there’s a reason why cutting goes with emo music, as it fucking sucks.

While strength athletics don’t generally require bodybuilder levels of leanness, anyone this side of Ray Charles can see a trend emerging among the dominant elite in powerlifting and strongman- they’re fucking lean.  Take a look at the guys who are dominating these days.  Matt Kroczaleski, Derek Poundstone, Mariusz Pudzianowski, Konstantin Konstantinovs, and Stan Efferding are all shredded… I mean, fuck, even Phil Pfister’s gotten lean in the last few years, and the world’s strongest woman, Aneta Florczyk, is lean (and fucking hot).  This means that before you even bother cutting water weight, you’re going to need to drop some fat.  I’ve outlined ways to do so here, here, and here, so you can check those out for some ideas.  As anyone who is familiar with this blog knows, I’m a big fan of ketogenic diets and I think they’re even better when making weight is an issue, as you get some idea of bodyweight when you’re not holding water and will thus have a better idea of what’s feasible for a weight class.  My bodyweight fluctuates 5-15 pounds after a carb-up, so I’m especially keen on experimenting with a carb-free week, every now and again, just to know where I stand.

Though it’s not necessary that you get ripped to the fucking bone to compete in strength sports, you might as well use a competition as an excuse to bring your abs out of hiding.  They’re likely not Jewish, so there’s no reason for them to be treating your abdominal fat like’s it the fucking attic and their name is Anne Frank.  For those of you who want to remain fat, go read something else and try not to burn any calories doing so- I’d hate for you to develop vascularity or some other indication that a heart attack’s not your idea of a normal Saturday afternoon.

Skipping forward, crunch-time for a cut starts not a day or to out, but rather a week out.  Assuming a Saturday meet 9AM Friday weigh-in), as they’re by far and away the most common, your immediate weigh-in prep is going to begin the preceding Sunday.  This will go like the standard glycogen supercompensation week, so no matter what diet you had been following, you’re going to be low-carbing the shit out of this week like your last name was Atkins and you’re a sorostitute the week before her wedding, only without the “fatloss” gangbangs.  Thus, you’re going to avoid carbs like Robert Downey, Jr. used to avoid rehab and chug water all the live-long day Sunday through Wednesday.  During this time, I recommend keeping your carbs absolutely under 50 grams a day and preferably under 30 grams a day.  Remember that you hold 3 grams of water for every gram of carbohydrates (Thibaudeau and Shugart).  And try to do yourself a favor by letting your body shed water as easily as possible.  Before you ask, that includes post-workout carbs and carbs from shakes, as well.  As you’ll find later, sugar alcohols will also make you hold water, so it’s also advisable to skip protein bars.

From the proceeding, if you aren’t under the impression that all you’ll be eating this week is meat, you are dumber than you look.  Unfortunately for you and your taste buds however, you’re going to be avoiding sodium with almost the same cock-fueled determination as the aforementioned sorostitite avoids carbs.  This means that Mrs. Dash is about to become your number one fuckbuddy – she’ll take good care of you and the additional potassium should reduce any cramping you might get while shedding water.  Additionally, using Mrs. Dash should also fight feelings of hunger that would otherwise result from your cut if it included salt as the increased salivation and gastric acidity that comes from eating salt can make you hungry as shit (Dukan 35).

Another critical component of this week will be the inclusion of 2-3 gallons of water per day in your diet.  Your pansy-ass sensitive teeth can get fucked – this shit should be ice-cold.  Cold water is an ultra-easy way to burn calories as it takes 60 calories to raise the temperature of 39.2 degree water (that’s Fahrenheit, fuck your Celsius nonsense) to body temperature (Dukan 118).  Additionally, cold bath immersion, application of cold packs, and the consumption of cold liquids all reduce core body temperature, which will necessitate an increase in metabolic rate to compensate and result in additional fat loss (Ferriss 142).  If your teeth bother you when you drink cold shit, throw on Invasion USA and watch it with your teeth bared for a half hour.  They’ll either toughen the fuck up or you will – either way, it’s time to chug some fucking water.

Tim Ferriss actually has some really interesting stuff in his book Four Hour Body about using cold application for fat loss, and here are a couple of points he made in that regard:

1. Short-term cold exposure (30 minutes) in humans leads to fatty acid release to provide fuel for heat production through shivering. This same shivering could be sufficient to recruit GLUT-4 to the surface of muscle cells, contributing to increased lean muscle gain.

2. Even at shorter durations, cold exposure with shivering could increase adiponectin levels and glucose uptake by muscle tissue. This effect could persist long after the cold exposure ends.

3. In the absence of shivering, it is still possible to capitalize on “fat-burning fat” through the stimulation of BAT thermogenesis. Curiously, even without shivering, there are small but unaccounted increases in lean muscle tissue when comparing underwater (superior) vs. land-
based exercise.

4. Cold water improves immunity. Acute cold exposure has immuno-stimulating effects, and preheating with physical exercise or a warm shower can enhance this response. Increases in levels of circulating norepinephrine may account for this.

5. Not germane to fat-loss, but another reason to use cold exposure: cold showers are an effective treatment for depression. One study used showers at 68°F for two to three minutes, preceded by a five-minute gradual adaptation to make the procedure less shocking  (Ferriss 142).

So, by this point, we’re one day out from the weigh in.  In the next blog, I’ll cover how to manipulate water for a weigh in both the day before and the day of the weigh in, and how to eat and drink after weigh ins to maximize your performance and avoid dying (which can result from a hard weight cut, as Andreas Munzer showed us a few years back).

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