Stewroids- Wintertime Is Not The Time To Eat Lean

Jamie Chaos

December 9, 2015

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick

Jack gouged eyes with candle sticks

And smashed in skulls with sticks and stones

Used iron bars to crush their bones so he could hide his kills in tiny places and he wouldn’t have to see their faces

He’d stick knives in their faces and cut out their tummies

And stamp on their heads ’till their brains got all runny

Old Man Winter has shown up to jam his fist violently up our collective asses, and no matter how much you love the season, it can fuck you harder than a riled up donkey in Tijuana. Protest all you like about how much you love snow and skiing and ice and frostbite and all of that bullshit, but no one is getting S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the summer, nor do you really stand all that much chance of catching the flu in the summer. Nope, those are just a couple of ways that Old Man Winter can just up and fuck ya, and the best way to combat hat dirty son of a bitch is… you guessed it- STEW-ROIDS.

I didn’t feel like putting a picture of a saddie in here, so I chose Vision of Disorder instead.

During the winter, nearly 14 million Americans get kicked in the head by Seasonal Affective Disorder, a condition characterized primarily by being a horrible saddie, sleeping all the time, and craving carbohydrates like skinny, toothless hillbillies crave methamphetamines. The reason behind this is a lack of seratonin, a hormone that’s produced by exposure to sunlight. Weirdly, this condition makes people incorrectly crave carbohydrates, in spite of the fact that the body needs tryptophan to create seratonin, and carbohydrates are low in tryptophan. Instead, they should be consuming “seafood, poultry, grass-fed meats, leafy greens, and green vegetables such as asparagus and broccoli” (Karlstrom). Additionally, they should be eating foods high in fats, as that provides long-term, steady energy, rather than a high carbohydrate diet, which has them crashing constantly. This is why the comfort foods often eaten in the winter are much heavier- some people seem to instinctively know that wintertime means delicious, delicious, fatty foods.

Krampus comes for those who don’t eat their stew-roids.

Due to the cold, eating hot food is essential to maintaining a feeling of warmth. That should go without saying, but it’s just as much mental as it is a physical sensation. Eating cold foods in the winter can exacerbate that deep chill and lead to illness. Cold air is also incredibly dry, so maintaining a hydrated state is essential. The obvious solution to both of these conditions? Soups and stews, obviously. Warm liquids also enhance digestion, so you’ll get more of the nutrition you’re consuming if it’s in a soup or stew.

While the aforementioned suggestions cover most of the issues that afflict people during the winter months, we still haven’t covered the fact that people get ill in the winter months. That’s probably the biggest pain in the ass of the entire season- getting sicker than an Ethiopian during a famine for no fucking reason whatsoever. One of the best immunoprotectants is garlic, and including garlic in your diet during the winter months is not just ideal- it’s essential. Garlic has been used in medicine for centuries to beat disease like Ray Rice beats his wife, and it works. In one study conducted in 2014, people who consumed a garlic supplement got sick about as third as often as the people taking a placebo (Lissiman), so including garlic in your diet is essential if you don’t want to be your office’s patient zero.

So, where’s that leave us? Eating a shitload of stew with garlic in it. Given that it’s winter and we all might as well bulk, I highly recommend eating your stew over noodles, mashed potatoes, or rice. In the last installment, I gave my badass recipe for herbed, buttered egg noodles, and at the end of this one I’ll drop my recipe for garlic mashed potatoes. I’ll generally eat my stews these days with buttered rolls or sourdough bread, because I’m just trying to smash as many calories into my diet as I can fit. If you’re trying to trim your waistline this winter, you’ll probably want to avoid that.

Chili Colorado

Chili colorado is different than typical chili in that it uses chunks of beef, rather than ground beef. It gives the whole thing an entirely different feel, and is frankly a nice change of pace from typical chili because you actually have to chew, haha. This recipe is cool because it is not your typical chili flaor- you’ll notice there’s no chili powder used. I like to use habeneros in place of either the pasillas or guajillos, and generally end up using Hungarian Wax Peppers because I can’t anything but the anchos. You can (and I usually do) use canned peppers in place of fresh ones.

Ingredients
5 Ancho Peppers
2 Pasilla Peppers
2 Guajillo Peppers
8 Cups Chicken Stock
2 lbs Stew Beef
6 Cloves Garlic
Salt and Pepper
2 Bay Leaves
1 TBSP Cumin
2 TSP Sage
2 TSP Oregano

Directions
Remove the stems and seeds from chilies- don’t use dry and brittle chilies, but rather chiles that are soft and pliable. Cover chiles with 3 cups of boiling chicken stock and let them steam, covered with plastic wrap, for about 30 minutes until they are plump and tender, then bend until smooth.

Throw some salt and pepper on the beef, then brown it in a big pot over medium-high heat with some vegetable oil at the bottom to keep it from sticking. Dice the garlic and toss it in the pot along with the bay leaves, ground cumin, sage and oregano. Stir that around for about a minute, or until very fragrant. Add in 5 cups of chicken stock and simmer uncovered for about an hour. Then, stir in the chile purée and simmer for another 45 minutes until the meat is very tender and the sauce is a thick, mahogany-red color. Season with additional salt and pepper.

Rosemary Garlic Beef Stew

Rosemary is a badass herb. Not only does it taste awesome, but it “has been hailed since ancient times for its medicinal properties. Rosemary was traditionally used to help alleviate muscle pain, improve memory, boost the immune and circulatory system, and promote hair growth” in addition to aiding digestion and vision (Nordqvist).

Ingredients
½ lb. (4 medium) Carrots
½ sleeve Celery
1 medium Onion
2 lbs. Red Potatoes
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
4 cloves Garlic, minced
1½ lbs. Beef Stew Meat
Salt and Pepper
¼ cup All-purpose Flour
2 cups Beef Broth
2 Tbsp Dijon Mustard
1 Tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1 Tbsp Soy Sauce
½ Tbsp Brown Sugar
½ Tbsp Rosemary
½ tsp Thyme

Instructions
Dice the onion and slice the carrots and celery. Wash the potatoes well and cut them into one inch cubes. Place the onion, carrots, celery, and potatoes into a large slow cooker. Place the stew meat in a large bowl and season with salt and pepper. Add the flour and toss the meat until it is coated. Set the floured meat aside.

Heat the olive oil in a large heavy skillet over medium heat. Sauté the garlic in the hot oil for about one minute, or until soft and fragrant. Add the floured meat and all the flour from the bottom of the bowl to the skillet. Let the beef cook without stirring for a few minutes to allow it to brown on one side. Stir and repeat until most or all sides of the beef pieces are browned. Add the browned beef to the slow cooker and stir to combine with the vegetables.

Return the skillet to the burner and turn the heat down to low. Add the beef broth, Dijon, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, brown sugar, rosemary, and thyme to the skillet. Stir to combine the ingredients and dissolve the browned bits from the bottom of the skillet. Once everything is dissolved off the bottom of the skillet, pour the sauce over the ingredients in the slow cooker. The sauce will not cover the contents of the slow cooker, but it’s okay. More moisture will be released as it cooks.

Place the lid on the slow cooker and cook on high for four hours. After four hours, remove the lid and stir the stew, breaking the beef into smaller pieces as you stir. Taste the stew and adjust the salt if needed. Serve hot as is, or over a bowl of rice or pasta.

Mexican Lentil Stew

Lentils are insanely good for you- they’re high in protein, fiber, B-vitamins, and zinc, and the Romans practically jacked off to them as a result. Though the recipe I have here doesn’t call for it, I use choriso in this stew- I just slice up a package of chorizo and throw it in the stew while it’s simmering. It adds a ton of flavor and calories, which is what we’re after anyway. MOAR PROTONZ=MOAR GAINZ.

Ingredients
2 cups dry Red Lentils
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 medium Onion
3-4 stalks Celery
4 cloves Garlic
2 (14.5oz.) cans Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes
½ Tbsp Chili Powder
1 tsp Cumin
½ tsp Turmeric
4 cups Chicken Broth
10-15 dashes Hot Sauce (I use Dave’s Insanity Sauce or Ghost Pepper Sauce)
1 Lime
½ bunch Cilantro

Instructions
Add the dry lentils to a medium pot. Cover with water, swish to rinse, then drain off as much water as possible. Repeat this process until the water remains mostly clear. After draining off the last rinse, add four cups of water, place a lid on top, and bring the lentils to a boil over high heat. Once it reaches a boil, turn off the heat and let sit with a lid on for about 20 minutes.

While the lentils are cooking, begin the rest of the stew. Dice the onion and mince the garlic and sauté them in a large pot with olive oil over medium-low heat until soft and transparent.

While that’s cooking, rinse and dice the celery. Throw the celery into the pot and continue to sauté for a few minutes more, or just until the celery begins to soften. Add the diced tomatoes (with juices), chili powder, cumin, turmeric, and hot sauce to the pot. Stir to combine.

The lentils should be finished cooking by now. Drain off as much of the cooking water as possible, then add the lentils to the pot along with the vegetable broth. Stir simmer it medium-low heat for about 15 minutes. e lentils will soften and break down further as they simmer, helping to thicken the stew.

Pull the cilantro leaves from the stems, give them a rough chop, then stir them into the stew. Squeeze the juice of the lime into the broth and stir to combine. Taste the stew and adjust the salt or hot sauce if desired.

Korean Beef Stew

I don’t know about you guys, but I love the shit out of Korean food. Usually, it’s a pain in the ass to make and requires a ton of marinading, but this recipe is easy as all hell and tasty as fuck.

Ingredients

2 lb Beef Stew Meat, cut into 1-inch pieces

1 bag (16 oz) Baby Carrots

6 Green Onions, cut into 1-inch pieces

6 cloves Garlic, chopped

1/2 cup Tomato Juice

1/4 cup Soy Sauce

2 TBSP Red Pepper Flakes

1 TBSP Sriracha

3 tablespoons Sugar

2 tablespoons Sesame Oil

1/4 teaspoon Pepper

2 teaspoons Cornstarch

4 teaspoons Cold Water

3 cups hot cooked Rice

Directions

Spray your slow cooker with cooking spray. In slow cooker, mix beef, carrots, onions, garlic, tomato juice, soy sauce, sugar, red pepper, Sriracha, oil and pepper. Cook on low heat setting 9 to 11 hours or on high 4 and a half to 5 and half hours. Then, mix cornstarch and cold water until blended and stir into the stew. Crank the temperature to high for about 20 minutes and then throw it on the rice.

Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Frankly, I prefer to put my stews on rice and mix the rice into the stew, but mashed potatoes can add a hell of a lot of bulk to your stews if that’s what you’re looking for, plus you’ll get more calories and more garlic.

Ingredients

5 pounds Potatoes ; peeled

Salt to taste

1/4 cup Butter, softened

1/2 cup Milk

1/4 cup Green Onions, chopped

Black Pepper

6 cloves Garlic, minced

Directions

Slice mostly peeled potatoes into quarters (I like some peel in my mashed potatoes, and it improves the nutritional. Bring a large pot of water to a boil, and add a dash of salt. Boil potatoes until easily pierced with a fork, about 20-35 minutes. Drain potatoes, and return to the pot. Add garlic, milk and butter to the potatoes. Use a masher to combine everything together, until your desired consiten. Add additional milk or butter if necessary to reach desired consistency. While mashing, add salt and pepper to taste. Garnish with chopped green onion.

Armed with those recipes, you should be able to make it through the winter, provided you don’t get eaten by Krampus or run over by a snow plow. A pro tip for you- to get the smell of garlic off your hands, just rub them on your faucet. I’ve no idea why that works, but it does. To get the smell of garlic off your breath, eat some parsley. Now, go eat your stew-roids and get fucking jacked.

Sources:
Garlic. University of Maryland Medical Center. Web. 7 Dec 2015. https://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/herb/garlic

Garlic for the common cold. PubMed Health. Web. 8 Dec 2015. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0013804/

Hauser, Annie. Why Do We Eat More in Winter? Everyday Health. 2 Feb 2012. Web. 7 Dec 2015. http://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-nutrition/why-do-we-eat-more-in-winter.aspx

Karlstrom, Solvie. Why You Need To Eat More Fat (In the Winter)Warding off the winter blues could be as simple as loading up on Thanksgiving turkey—in the middle of January. Rodale’s Organic Life. 25 Jan 2012. Web. 7 Dec 2015. http://www.rodalesorganiclife.com/food/winter-blues

Lissiman E, Bhasale AL, Cohen M.Garlic for the common cold. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2014 Nov 11;11:CD006206.

Nordqvist, Joseph. Rosemary: Health Benefits, Precautions, Drug Interactions. Medical News Today. 15 Sp 2015. Web. 9 Dec 2015. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/266370.php

Styles, Serena. Foods to Eat in Cold Temperatures. SFGate. Web. 7 Dec 2015. http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/foods-eat-cold-temperatures-2240.html

Which is better: Drinking cold or warm water. Healthy and Natural World. 20 Nov 2014. Web. 7 Dec 2015. http://www.healthyandnaturalworld.com/drinking-cold-or-warm-water/

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Jamie Chaos

I am a former all-time, all federation world record holder in raw powerlifting at 181lbs, a record I broke just to say fuck you to the internet’s “lifting” community and the powerlifting community at large. Over the last ten years I’ve written over 500 articles on strength training, nutrition, and supplementation, and continue to do so simply to fight the tide of weakness and sadness that currently pervades the scene I’ve called home for the better part of three decades. I’ve got personal trainin certs, BodyPump and BodyCombat certs, a BA in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Arizona, and MBAs from the Vienna University and University of South Carolina on my side, in addition to some sick lifts and a hell of a lot of rage. What the fuck have you got?

31 responses to “Stewroids- Wintertime Is Not The Time To Eat Lean”

Michael Stuzynski

December 9, 2015

Rubbing your hands on the faucet works because it is made of metal. There is some property of the metal that counteracts the smell of garlic
1. Jamie Lewis
  
  December 11, 2015
  
  I knew it had something to do with metal- I just didn't know what the mechanism was.
Sokrates

December 9, 2015

http://freedompowerandwealth.com

Right – I have seen many vegetarian being always cold in wintern, no matter how much of their green stuff they eat. Our ancestors would never have been so dull to eat lean which the “toughest” time of the year came.
1. Jamie Lewis
  
  December 11, 2015
  
  You'r absolutely right. People seem to want to anyway. Ridiculous.
DeKay

December 12, 2015

Been enjoying your blog for years, so here is a pro tip:

If you don't own one, you owe it to yourself to get a pressure cooker and make these stews in a fraction of the time while retaining more flavor in the process. Then you can also make this stew by Alton Brown:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/pressure-cooker-chili-recipe.html

It is fantastic. The chipotle peppers in adobo sauce add heat and depth, while the tortilla chips thicken the sauce. The beef is perfectly tender after only 25 minutes of cooking. Serve on top of toasted sourdough bread.
1. mbw
  
  December 13, 2015
  
  I'm making the Korean beef stew in the pressure cooker now- I can do 10 hours of slow cooking in 35 mins
Anonymous

December 12, 2015

Jamie, can you tell us if you're still following your C-n-P blueprint or something similar training-wise?

Just curious if you've evolved it much if at all and what's up with your training as of late.
1. Bert Shear
  
  December 15, 2015
  
  Recovering from an injury IIRC
Anonymous

December 15, 2015

So my follow up is: how was Jamie training up to that point. Has much changed training-wise over the last few years?
Unknown

December 15, 2015

About your diet you say you follow APD but all your recipes have higher carbs do you use, do you use these for cheat/rampage days or are you done with APD?
1. m4ddog
  
  December 15, 2015
  
  Who follows a diet 24/7 365, not me and I don't think Jamie does either.
Andre

December 16, 2015

Yo Jaime – try adding a raw egg to your mashed potatoes. I don't keep milk in the house often and so this is what I do to give it a creamier consistency.
Keith T

December 19, 2015

Hi Jamie If you are after any ideas for next baddest mofos, please can I suggest Master Wong. Not only a bad ass but hilarous too https://youtu.be/FMObHRmVF9E
Anthony Tokar

December 24, 2015

YO I been following your blog now for a bit
Learned lots a shit but what ever happened to your music reccomends.mm
I got one for ya it's a hardcore kinda halloween ish tune
http://youtu.be/CGtbj_CNZZ4
scares y the shit outta normal people
1. Broseph Fatsquat
  
  February 2, 2016
  
  Holy shit that video is so fucking awful.
  Just terrible….really.
Anthony Tokar

December 24, 2015

Oh ya here's another nasty one from the same dude
http://youtu.be/DfNsHH8P0Mg?list=PL75CF-5m54rHhhuD3s6b8UC1pp2MnYetP
this guy's a gang banging shotta

ps – the shipping to Canada is fuck g $43 bucks fucking unreal guess it's going to get worse but ya know
TBM

January 13, 2016

Serotonin (not seratonin) is a neurotransmitter, not a hormone.
cloystreng

January 20, 2016

I gotta say I really enjoy these recipe posts, I'm excited to make some of these.
Brandon Hewitt

February 6, 2016

Is this blog still alive? Lol. Stew?
Rudy Van Horne

February 9, 2016

Jamie's heart just hasn't been in it since he got fat.
Joel

February 9, 2016

I made the chili Colorado, subbing more Guajillos because i couldn't find pasillas. It was literally the best chili ever. I had to stop myself from devouring the whole thing in one sitting. Awesome.
Sally Poynter

March 26, 2016

Cocks.

Allahu akbar.

My pleasure.
steve sutton

May 10, 2016

I dunno if Jamie got fat but I am gong to say the dietary advice based on lots of animal and restricting calories and carbs is shit.

Just try it before you start your mouthing.

No calrie restriction, in fact try to eat too much.
80% carbs from fruit and veg.
10% protein, 10% fat.
No animal product. No whey. No protein shakes at all.

Just do it for two weeks if you dare.
No stims, no coffee no fucking nothing but plants. Fruit, rice, lentils, greens, even porridge oats and soya/almond "milk".

No fucking joke, you will be as high as a kite all the time and you will have the energy of a buzz saw. For a few days you will miss your drugs, caffeine, pre workout shit that is long term destroying your energy.

It's fucking easy. A shit ton of carbs. You will not get fat. Do not be afraid.

Dirt cheap, nobody's ripping you off with bullshit supplement/drugs protein bullshit.
steve sutton

May 13, 2016

Low carb is just a fad. Lok at all those fat paleo low carbers. Wheat belly? bullshit. Everywhere that people get the money to buy animal food theyt start getting round and their hearts pop and cancer spreads. People living on a shit lad of rice and wheat and corn don't get fat. Low carb is like no air in your tyres. You need roids and stims just to keep going. what happens when you stop taking the drugs that are killing you?
A big waste of money and health.
Sleep/water/carbs. that's what you need.
Calorie restriction doesn't work.
Carb up I mean no calorie restriction. Now you can train your arse off without the amphetamine simulators. Now you can burn the bodyfat.
Protein – you don't need to think about it. Get the calories down your neck and you will have enough protein.
Mike

May 13, 2016

https://www.facebook.com/groups/PrincipiaCarnivora/
Anonymous

May 13, 2016

I think Steve Sutton is on to something. Every time (EVERY TIME) I've tried to "get back up to 270" I end up losing a few pounds and get 2 or three comments about getting leaner. This entails eating just about everything: Chinese food, ribs, rice, cereal, whole milk and just a random assortment of normal food.

I only stop because the amount of food is insane. I've actually wondered if gorging for weeks on end helped my diagnosed-and-treated hypothyroidism.

Consequently, whenever I control myself and eat "normally" I stay the same or get weaker/flatter with decreased sex drive.
steve sutton

May 14, 2016

Notice I am not trying to sell anything.
Eat a ton of cheap as shit carbs and you will not be able to not eat enough fat and protein.
The obvious is the case, fat makes you fat.
Paleo and lo carb is the worst option for athletic pursuits.
I eat and eat and eat because I love it, I feel great and I don't gain weight.
eat enough calories and ten percent protein, ten percent fat is all you need. You will get those without trying.
steve sutton

May 28, 2016

the low carb high stimulant model sucks.
This is why you shouldn't use stims at all:

1. Stress. This is the most common symptom of pre-workouts. They activate the flight-or-fight response which is induced by releasing adrenaline into your blood stream. Its a hormone. And so is Cortisol. Cortisol also goes up when you drink coffee aka caffeine (found in large quantities in pre-workouts). Cortisol is a stress hormone. Your body doesn't like stress. This will common result in side effects that are similar to the side effects of stress. It will affect your arterial wall function over time. It impairs the endothelial cells' ability to function normally.

2. Addiction. Caffeine and other stims are addictive. Its also easy to built tolerance to. So over time you're going to need more of it to enjoy the similar effects. As is the case with every addiction, there will be withdrawal symptoms when you don't get any. So basically, you have to drink coffee everyday because if you don't, youre going to have a lot of headaches and you will be lethargic. Yes, you can slowly ween off it but it can take any time from a week to about few months to restore normal endocrine function. Stims cause tiredness during the day and sleeplessness at night. A mess.

3. Endocrine Damage. Youre using a drug to cause your adrenals to activate your para-sympathetic nervous system and also raise cortisol levels. As this happens every day, your adrenals will become strained and wear out on you. you will now be perpetually tired and potentially might even develop thyroid issues because your metabolism goes up when you pump caffeine into your blood stream. To counteract this, your thyroid needs to slow things down a bit. Someone with thyroid problems is easy to spot because they are always tired after a meal and constantly need coffee to think in a focused way. They also put on weight very easily. This is in the case of hypothyroidism which a lot of people suffer from.

4. Waste of Resources. These pre-workout supplements are based on the premise that you need stimulation to workout. You need that extra edge to push further. That extra stimulation does nothing but lead to injuries. Why ? Caffeine is quite an effective painkiller. It delays the sensation of pain. So when doing reps, you will feel the burn less intensely and keep going for more. This is what results in injuries and tendonitis over time. You've artificially pushed the limits on what your body can handle. You've done more damage than you can repair. This would be fine if you're using steroids and other growth hormones and enhancers, since now you're hormonally altered and capable of putting on more muscle and recovering more quickly. Your body is perfectly fine without any stimulation. Your diet is more important than anything else to help you gain weight and repair muscle tissues. your body works best with food and not with protein powders and all these chemicals which are essentially drugs. build whatever tissues we need.

Restrict carbs, restrict calories and you are fucked, the drugs are like running up a credit card debt you'll have to pay back at some point.

Carb up and build your fitness.
steve sutton

May 31, 2016

Lie #1: Carbs Make You Fat
The reason “experts” believe this myth is understandable: carbs increase insulin and insulin is a storage hormone that forces our body to store fat; however, the evidence is pretty clear that the insulin response from food intake doesn’t determine the amount of fat you store — total energy balance does.1, 2
What they also fail to mention is that insulin is responsible for driving amino acids into our muscles thus elevating protein synthesis. This is vital for maximizing muscle growth.
Fact is, if you’re looking to put on lean muscle through weight training, you should never avoid carbs. The reasons are twofold: 1) carbs are converted to glucose, our body’s main source of energy and 2) glucose is stored in the muscles as glycogen. Blood glucose and muscle glycogen are the most important elements in the formula for maximizing physical performance3.
Avoiding carbs to minimize fat gain is like not flying for the fear of crashing, but driving on the highway to work every day, texting — you’re worried about the wrong thing! If we go low carb, we’ve got to go high fat. But a study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition4 concluded that fats are more efficiently stored as body fat than carbohydrates:
“Excess dietary fat leads to greater fat accumulation than does excess dietary carbohydrate."
This actually makes perfect sense, especially since there is plenty of evidence that carbs are inefficiently stored as body fat even when overfeeding5. This is due to a highly regulated metabolic pathway known as de novo lipogenesis.
from
http://www.elitefts.com/education/training/bodybuilding/7-bodybuilding-lies-that-are-keeping-you-skinny-and-weak/
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