Plague of Strength

The 1980s were an era of delicious excess. A time in which you might be served a salad bowl of cocaine at a Hollywood party right before stumbling headfirst into a slimy, musclebound, mustachioed orgy being conducted to the soundtrack of disco music with that godawful waka waka guitar music blaring in the background. It was a time in which muscle cars had no fucking guts but a shirtless man in the movies had balls enough to take out entire armies single-handedly. In short, it was a time when ego ruled everything around it and everyone believed that if you just went hard enough at your goal, damn near anything was possible.

Yeah, that decade had its share of issues, but if you’re looking for an era of Golden Age-style blamelessness and awesome, you’re going to be looking forever, because even Plato noted that the entire concept of a Golden Age was a pile of horseshit, because no matter what era you live in, it’s likely a shitshow. Rather than view the 1980s as the halcyon days of a bygone era, though, I am simply looking to the toys, cartoons, and films of that decade and the mindset behind them as being indicative of a mindset that is in desperate need of recapturing- the belief that if you decide you’re going to become a bad motherfucker and bust your ass at being one, there is literally nothing in the world stopping you. And aside from perhaps an old guy in a sweatsuit or a local breakdancer who’s befriended you out of the shared experience of being shunned by the cliques, you don’t need a single person’s help in becoming whatever type of musclebound organic machine of murder you choose.

No matter how tight you think your crew is (or squad, or FB group or whoever you associate with), it’s you against the world. Other people only want you for what they can get out of you, and if you want to be one of those nails that sticks up, you’re going to have to fight like a motherfucker to keep from either getting hammered back down or ripped out of the wood altogether, sold as scrap, melted down, and turned into some tiny, mundane part of some evil, rich dickhead’s utter banal master plan.

In the 1980s, the idea of a fucking squad didn’t even exist- people who needed to band together in a gang were criminals who were bound to get fucked up by a single human being with the resolve to slaughter them, be it Chuck Bronson with a homemade zip gun, Rambo, Mel Gibson in leather and car tire parts, or a hero in any number of movies of rampaging gangs full of punk rock teenagers. Nah, in the 1980s we were told that everyone could be a one man army if they wanted, and we fucking believed it from an early age, because even our cartoons dripped with that ethos.

In [The Power of Grayskull: The Definitive History of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe], one of the original writers of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, J. Michael Straczynski (Sense8, Thor, Babylon 5) elucidates this concept clearly: “When He-Man said ‘I Have the Power!’ it was saying to kids, you have the power. You don’t have to do what your parents say anymore. Being transformed into your inner, true self is very attractive” (Britt).

Our role models growing up were like that- from the jacked-as-fuck barbarian warlord He-Man to also-jacked-as-fuck barbarian warlord Conan to crazed and jacked specops vet Rambo to heart-and-muscle-fuck-brains Rocky to gives-no-shits Snake Plissken, the heros and anti-heros of the 1980s all told the same story- grab your fucking balls, train your ass off in some sick montages, and get down to the fucking business of being awesome. No excuses, no complaints, and no fucking mercy. Just fucking do it.

By the same token, kids of the early oughts had Dragonball Z. Though it was after my childhood and I never developed the hatred for good art or Japanophilia to appreciate anime or manga, Dragonball Z had the same message- set your sights on your goal, train like a fucking maniac, get jacked and slaughter your opposition. Strength is obtained for the sake of obtaining power, and strength and power are the ends in and of themselves. There is no desire to obtain them to seek fame (as appears to be just about the sole motivation for most people cluttering gyms with their cameras and athleisure wear these days), assert dominance over a population, or even impose one’s will on weaker people- just enough power that the person who wields it can do what they want, when they want.

Which brings us to today- an era of complaints, excuses, and generally being a fucking bitch. We’re told to accept fat people for their myriad failings and the inconveniences they foist upon others with their very existence, but it’s perfectly cool for people to publicly screech and weep about whether or not people they’ve never met are on. Drink that in for a second- mocking someone for deliberately being a fat, sloppy, land beast is nearly a hate crime, but shit-talking a transhumanist for their desire to transcend the human condition and become something better is not only accepted but it is respected. The movie Limitless, rather than being a call-to-arms for the pharma companies to help people make themselves better, is described as a cautionary tale against pharmaceuticalization. Things that make us better, more capable, and more awesome are decried as evil, while people practically wear a tshirt listing their disorders, diseases, and shortcomings as a badge of fucking pride.

The media constantly decries the “unreasonable expectations” set by models, cartoons, movies, and even goddamned action figures as setting unreasonable expectations. These expectations apparently lead to low self esteem and poor self image in some people, because they can never attain these mythical proportions. This, clearly, is because they are fucking weak. To anyone with a scintilla of motivation, of desire to make something better out of themselves, or the will to true power, this is nothing more than a hyperbolic representation of perfection, and it is for this reason that shows like He-Man and Dragonball Z should be lauded for what they are- the mechanism by which a seed to be awesome was planted in the minds of two generations of human.

And speaking of people who constantly bitch about unreasonable expectations, let’s address the natty fucks in the strength world. They’re not natty because they want to prove to themselves that they’re so fucking brutal that they can compete with guys using gear, they’re “NATTY BRUH” because they are telling the world in advance that they are at a distinct disadvantage to their competition that gives them an excuse to fail right at the fucking outset. Want to know why people use gear? It’s right in the goddamned name- they’re “performance enhancing drugs.” They want to improve their performance, because they want to be the best. They want to look the best, fuck the best, perform the best, be the strongest, baddest, most unforgiving motherfuckers in the goddamned valley, and gear helps them on their way.

They’re cheating? Against what? Monsanto, who puts estrogen in our bodies and foists soy on the world? The plastic companies who fill our foods with xenoestrogens and contaminate those they can’t touch before it hits their lips with packaging for our leftovers? The social structure that continually criminalizes the behaviors associated with high testosterone? The estrogen in our groundwater from birth control? The fact that they don’t buy the bullshit about the meek inheriting the Earth and would rather put themselves in a position to take what they want?

Should people on PEDs compete in natty feds? No, but neither should anyone. The use of PEDs in sports that allow gear use is just an outgrowth of the mindset that they cannot compete in the first fucking place, though- it is the same mentality that has bullies at school thinking they’re tough because they beat up the little nerdy kids, and the same mindset that has stick-up men and thieving businessmen thinking they’re bad motherfuckers because they got over on some weak, unsuspecting people. They’re fucking pussies, and they should be beaten to death in a public square and left for wild animals to eat as an object lesson to the rest of the bitch made to harden the fuck up or get sorted out similarly.

“I’m not here to save you, I’d rather be the one who lets you fall. I’m not here to support you, I’d rather sit back and laugh while I end it all. I want to fucking end you all. This is the fucking trendkill.” -Gift Giver

Nor is that to say steroids are for everyone, or that everyone should use them. If you don’t like them, don’t use them. It doesn’t matter to me one whit if people use them, because the relative strength levels of other people don’t in any way affect my life. What does affect my life, however, is the weak-sauce, bitch-made, useless, natty pussies in gyms and on the internet who spend endless hours shit talking their obvious betters, making grandiose claims of “natty or not” to assuage the feelings of inadequacy stemming from the fact their parents should have left them to the fucking wolves when they were infants.

In short, it’s time to step it the fuck up. Time to get back to the mindset of excess and awesome. Time to grab the world by the pigtails and facefuck it to death. The modern world might not be the climate for it, but if nothing else it’s so fucking placid and weak, frightened and safe, uptight and rigid that victory over everyone and everything around us has never been so fucking easy. Your desire to improve your physique isn’t body dysmorphia- it’s the will to win. Your gear and smart drug use isn’t evil, it’s transcendent. Your belief in yourself and your abilities isn’t toxic, it’s the mindset of a fucking champion.

Bigger.
Stronger.
Faster.
Smarter.
More Aggressive.

You have the power.
Transform into your true self and nothing can stand in your fucking way.

By the way, if you want more shit like this to get you fired up to attack 2019 like a fat kid attacks an ice cream buffet, check out David Wong’s reprinted article from 2012. I stumbled upon it when I was midway through this article and it’s a great fucking read.

Sources:

Britt, Ryan. ‘He-Man and the Masters of the Universe’ was way smarter than we thought. Fatherly. 27 Nov 2018. Web. 31 Dec 2018. https://www.fatherly.com/play/he-man-and-the-masters-of-the-universe-was-way-smarter-than-we-thought/

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