So, I was thinking- today, I’m going to wrap my knees, do some weighted lying leg raises, then jump up screaming, smash a fucking light out of the ceiling, throw some random gym detritus across the weight room, and then run screaming out the room like I won the Olympics while getting a blowjob from Jenna Jameson.

Alas, that shit is PLAYED, my friends, because Ricky Bruch, a madman who just might be Benny Podda‘s long lost twin, has already done it.  On camera.

I realize that such actions sound like the work of a champion of douchebaggery, but it’s not so- it’s the work of Swedes, and being that they descended from Vikings, produce the hottest fucking women on the planet, and they’re famous for their meatballs, the can do whatever the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want.

Ricky Bruch, for those of you who do not know, was an Olympic bronze medalist in the discus who still holds the Swedish NATIONAL record after he set it 20 years ago, and his record is still 8th in the world in 2010.  He was also, as you can see from the above video, a fucking lunatic in the gym.  He trained harder than anyone at the time, and this was the beginning of the lunatic 80s filled with Benny Poddas, Mike Quinns, and other maniacal, screaming assholes who spent 6 hours a day in the gym throwing weights around like they were children’s toys.

A lot of accusations have flown around about steroids, etc, most of which are likely true.  He did, though, allegedly take hundreds of vitamins a day after quitting gear.  According to an interview I used google to translate from Swedish (which is one odd fucking language), he “keep[s] on testing the herbal preparations as alternatives to the use of hormones. There are mixtures of herbal medicines used by primitive people the world over. [He] actually rang up soccer player Roger Milla, when [he] saw the well grown players from Cameroon and Nigeria and it turned out that they all eat yohmbe bark. Systematically, [he has] since tried various mixtures [suggested by] elite athletes.”  His wacky herbal formulas include reindeer antler, which he seemed to think improved his sperm count, as well as ultra-megadoses of vitamins and minerals.(1)

Not bad for a guy that essentially did only Olympic weightlifting exercises.  Who says you need high reps to get ripped?

Other important feats:

  • starred in a soft-core comedy-porn “Agent 69 Jensen i Skyttens tegn“
  • he fast curled 160 kg (at least by my estimation) from the hang.  Video here.
  • massive fan of the Behind the Neck Push Press, and fucking STRONG at it.
  • big fan of high box squats with absurd amounts of weight (same vid as above).
  • avid proponent of low reps.
  • allegedly hijacked a small plane.
  • appeared to double 220 kg in the bench (I’m estimating from pics)
  • was apparently prevented from competing in the Olympics in the 80s, in spite of the fact that he had set an unofficial world record in the discus, for political reasons- he apparently slapped the Swedish track and field coach in the head… in public.
What did the 5 fingers say to the face?  SLAP!!

For those of you who care, this gigantic fucking neo-Viking stood 6’6″ and weighed a svelte 309 in competition.  He was clearly not a man with whom you’d fuck.  According to Ricky, “Before major competitions, I was an artist who has the product ready in your head long in advance. I directed all I could do from the day of the race and back to the day that was – instead of vice versa! So when I threw 70.26 meters at the Stockholm Stadium, I knew in advance how much each and every cast would be, with some options, depending on winds. The Evening Post article had been completed the night before I threw!”

That, my friends, is fucking hardcore.  After being denied the opportunity to compete in the ’84 Olympics because of his Viking tedencies (although he would have apparently won by 5m with his Swedish championship throw), Ricky turned fully into Bennie Podda’s twin, and moved way the fuck away from everyone.  Eschewing the public eye, which was impressive, given that in the 1970s he was half of Sweden’s sports news, he turned to more rugged pursuits.  In an interview, he stated that “I have also been one of the world’s toughest survival courses because I want to see what I can do. It is well to do with how I always did my best at sports, who would be the best in the world need to cross borders that I didn’t know I could handle!”

To recap, he’s a modern day Viking who lifted weights until blood sprayed out of his face, banged a bunch of sluts, did porn, set a world record in the discus, wrote some poetry, directed some movies, hijacked a fucking plane to the middle of nowhere,  lifted more weights, took several hundred pills a day, and then became a fucking mountain man after slapping the fuck out of his team coach, all while rocking a beard that would make Paul Bunyan look like Paul Reubens.

Fucking metal. I know what you’re thinking- another fucking criminal lunatic as a baddest motherfucker.  Well, Hunter S. Thompson must’ve had it fucking right, then, when he wrote:

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

Now, go pick up something exceedingly fucking heavy.

Sources:
1. http://www.natverkstan.net/presens/html/tidigarenr_html/ricky.html

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