Few actors in Hollywood these days are as cool, or as fucking badass, as Jason Statham.  Though not a fucking powerhouse, Statham’s not got a pretty boy build, either.  He’s essentially 175 lbs of traps and abs, and he looks like he’s going to bite someone at all times.  I realize that many of you right now are standing up and screaming aloud that no one should ever blog about this guy, as he’s under 200 lbs, isn’t a strength athlete, and it’s trendy to talk shit about anyone who looks better than you, but before you spazz have a nice big glass of shut the fuck up and chill out.  You like his movies, you know he’s a fucking badass, and you know people likely respect his physique far more than your sloppy man-tits.  Therefore, check out the shit this guy’s into, because it’s not a half bad routine, and at the very least, you might incorporate bits and pieces of the workout one day when you’re fucking about the gym while waiting to go drink your face off.

For those of you sad sacks who are still horrified that I might blog about this epic motherfucker, consider the following, Jason Statham:

  • does his own stunts and hates wire work, making him a far angrier, jacked, and overall awesome Jackie Chan.  Whenever possible, he speaks derisively of wire-fu, cgi, and any poofter who gets involved in that sort of nonsense.
  • his last two girlfirends were a Playboy model and a Victoria’s Secret model
Current gf.
  • he’s practiced martial arts only since he started doing fighting films.  He practices various styles (including thai boxing, wing chun, and Shotokan karate) constantly, loves mma, and is regularly seen ringside at the UFC.  Call him a mark if you want, but the guy’s considered legit enough by those in the community to be friends with Bas Rutten.
  • He took 12th at the World Championships in diving.  Ridiculous, I know, but it was off the high platform, which is pretty fucking metal.
  • makes fucking awesome movies
  • wrote a pissed off letter to Men’s Health when they posted an article that made him look like he trained like a bitch, so they posted a retraction and listed his entire program online.
  • he got his break in Guy Ritchie’s films due to his experience in selling stolen goods.  Yes, just like Danny Treho, Statham managed to parlay felonious activity into a massive film career.
  • His movies contain the following attributes of manliness, as listed my Maddox in the Bible:  Ass-Kicking (all of them), Boners (Crank 1 and 2), Copping a Feel (Crank 2), Enlightenment (London, Crank 1, Snatch, LS2SB), Female Wrestling (Crank 2), Gas (Crank 2), Irate (all of them), Knockers (Jessica Biel’s and Amy Smart’s in London and the Crank films), Metal (all of them), Quickie (both Cranks), Road Rage (Transporters, Death Race, Crank 1), Taunting (Transporters, Cranks, Death Race, London), Violence (all of them), Winner (all of them), XXX (Crank 2’s porn star riot), Yelling (all of them).  [Note:  When I state “all of them, I’m not referring to the Uwe Boll abortion or the non-“The One” Jet Li collabs]  This essentially makes him manlier than just about any motherfuckers to ever grace the television screen, as he only missed a few of the other available letters, and the inclusion of  N (for Chuck Norris) would likely result in the creation of a singularity.  The destruction of the universe might result, especially if the scene including those two perhaps had one Mr. Leslie Nielson engaging in a bit of his patented slapstick in the background.
Irate:  man’s default- and only- emotion.

Most of you, if you’re like me, will pick up a Men’s Health from time to time out of nothing more than boredom to see what’s doing therein.  There has to be a reason why they print the fucking thing, you think to yourself, and about ten page in realize there is- it’s for trendy yuppie pussies who want to look good when they take off their shirts so they can pull down dumbass, materialistic broads who will fuck them right up until the wedding night, and then only fuck them for procreative purposes until the dissolution of their unhappy, shallow union results in a costly, horrific divorce.  Thereafter, the same guys consult that mag to get back in shape so they can bang some sluts before making the same mistake all over again.

Statham’s penis managed to grow bored with this broad.

In spite of that fact, the magazine will occasionally contain useful shit, Statham’s workout (posted online) being  foremost amongst it.  You’ll note that Dan John designed part of his workout, and that he’s doing 5 sets of 5 of front squats with 175, making him stronger than 95% of the bitches who blabber endlessly online about training.  Thus, his lengthy Transporter 3 program, which I put into an Excel file in case you want to download it [Edit:  And Mediafire subsequently deleted, because they apparently thought there was some sort of copyright infringement].  As I said, I took the workout from a Men’s Health article, so I truncated it a bit in terms of explanation and added some of my favorite Statham quotes for good measure.

  
Statham really took one for the team if he pulled down this broad.

That’s hardly his only workout in print, however.  When training for the Expendables, for instance, he used this workout:

Monday – Short Circuit (30 Minutes)
1) 10 minutes: Rowing Machine.
2) Weighted-down Rope pull (i.e. attached to a weighted sled): 20 meter bear crawl.  Continue back and forth for 10 minutes.
3) 10 minutes: Rowing Machine.
Tuesday – Pushing Supersets (45-55 Minutes)
1) 5 minutes: Rowing Machine.
2) 5 minutes: Repeat 3 pull-ups, 5 push-ups, 7 squats until time limit or exhaustion.
3) Progressive snatch grip dead lift: Four sets of five repetitions; increase weight after each set.
4) Superset 1; 4 sets of 10 repetitions with 90 seconds rest between sets: Incline dumbbell press, standing military press, skullcrushers
5) Superset 2; 4 sets of 10 repetitions with 90 seconds rest between sets: Narrow grip push-ups, lateral raises, triceps extensions.
6) Abdominal rollouts: 5 sets of 10.
Wednesday – Rest
Thursday – Pulling Supersets (45-55 Minutes)
1) 5 minutes: Rowing Machine.
2) 5 minutes: Repeat 3 pull-ups, 5 push-ups, 7 squats until time limit or exhaustion.
3) Progressive Bulgarian split squats: Three sets of five repetitions; increase weight after each set.
4) Superset 1; 4 sets of 10 repetitions with 90 seconds rest between sets: 1 10 meter rope climb (no feet), 10 dumbbell shrugs, 10 Ex-bar curls.
5) Superset 2; 4 sets of 10 repetitions with 90 seconds rest between sets: 10 pull-ups, 10 incline front raises, 10 hammer curls.
6) Hanging knee raises: 5 sets of 10.
Friday – Interval Training (55-60 Minutes)
1) Warm-up: Two 50 meter sprints.
2) Cardio complex (Complete five rounds, rest period is half the time it takes to complete the round):
– Suicide run (Run 10m then run back, 20m then run back, 30m then run back, 40m then run back, 
50m then run back)
– 80m kettlebell farmer’s walk
– 80m one-arm kettlebell overhead carry (switch arms at 40m)
– 80m tire drag (SUV or small truck).
Weekend – Rest with some “Fun” Activities

 Ever a spazz about finding a workout wherever he is, Statham’s been known to make them up as he goes along.  This is, presumably, how he stays pretty fucking lean year round in spite of the fact that his leisure activities appear to be ripping lines off models’ asses and pounding beers, and a dietary regimen that can be summed up with this quote:

“I never gave a fuck about a calorie,” Statham says. “An apple? It’s good for me. I’d have five. Bananas? Eat the bunch.”

  His bodyweight routines apparently come from his MMA workouts, and his exercise choice reflects this:

A typical workout: “Shadow-boxing to warm up the back and shoulders,” he says. Lunging and stretching for the legs. Next, five 3-minute rounds punching and kicking pads, then hitting the heavy bag for three rounds, and doing a session on the speed bag. He finishes with a circuit like the one described below.

Use Your Own Body Weight 

For explosiveness and reflexes, Statham has always used plyometrics. A fast, hard circuit requires no equipment. “I’ll jump rope, then do squat thrusts, burpees [squat thrusts in which you leap instead of standing up], star jumps [from a crouch, jump up and spread your arms and legs into a star, and come back down into a crouch], pushups, tuck jumps [jump, lift legs, tuck], stepups.” The key is explosive execution: “If I’m doing a pushup, I go down slowly and, bang, push up.”

Have a Portable Workout 

Even if Statham has only 20 minutes, he pulls no-gear, no-cost workouts from the manual in his head. One favorite came from his friend Bas Rutten, the mixed-martial-arts champion. “He uses punching combinations,” Statham says. “He’ll call out one’ — a left. Then ‘one, two’ — a left, a right. Or three’ — a left, a right, and a left hook. You can do that in a hotel room, anywhere.” All you need is to bludgeon your excuses into a senseless heap. Just like Statham would.(Yahoo)

For those of you interested in the diet he used to get into the ridiculous shape into which he always gets for films, it’s actually pretty simple:

  • he eats no more than 2,000 calories a day
  • he essentially eats paleo, as he never eats any refined flour or sugar, including fruit juice.
  • he records anything he consumes to accurately track his caloric intake
  • he drinks a shitload of water
  • he eats 6 meals a day, all of which are (like I stated before) paleo- “egg whites, vegetables, lean meats, fish, nuts, and protein shakes.” 

**Upon rereading the article, I noticed this: “Statham jumps from one pullup bar to another above it; it’s called “Dyno.”. But the traditional move still works your shoulders and back. Do 8 reps.”  IF JASON STATHAM CAN DO LEGEND PULLUPS, SO CAN YOU.  So get the fuck after them, already.  

… and there you have it.  Workouts from a motherfucker so manly that his jeans have probably pillaged a village all by themselves while Statham was sleeping.  The man smokes, drinks, parties his fucking ass off, looks better than just about anybody while doing it, can wreck fucking shop, and bangs models when he grows tired of the rest.  I’m not saying if you do his workout you’ll be able to pull off that sort of shit, but there’s nothing wrong with cherry-picking shit out of a bad motherfucker’s workout and seeing what it will do for you… because the shit is definitely working for him.

Sources:
http://freemusclebuildingtips.com/jason-statham-expendables-workout/
http://www.menshealth.com/fitness/jason-stathams-weight-loss-workout
http://www.menshealth.com/fitness/workout-plan-9
http://health.yahoo.net/healthyliving/exercise-fitness

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