But my plans were foiled!

I really hope you guys appreciate the work I go through to find the most epicly bad dad jokes I can find… Because as cool as Jamie is, I am a MASSIVE dork and I seriously enjoy stuff like terrible jokes. And yes, I am the friend who snorts when they laugh.

Keto Re-deux… Yeah, right! More like Re-DON’T.

The road to hell, being paved with good intentions and all, this week is also littered with
Catabolic Steroids, Antibiotics, NyQuil by the bucket, and Vick’s infused tissues. I started the week on a carefully regimented 1900 calorie Keto train. I bought more BHB salts, some that even have caffeine, and GNC total Lean Bars that not only taste good, but are also amazingly keto. I had my individual powder containers all set and ready to go, and meal prepped the SHIT out of a lot of meat, and other stuff.

I know the cookie wasn’t keto! But a coworker bought them especially for me and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

And then Monday night the fever and chills hit. By Wednesday morning, I couldn’t bend over because I was in excruciating pain, nor could I breathe, but at least the fever was mostly gone… Yeah, I had a sinus infection, and you wanna know what tastes TERRIBLE when you have a sinus infection? Keto… ok… everything except soup tastes terrible actually.

But I was at least able to plan some upcoming meals, and start getting recipes together. Such as the SUPER basic, quick, easy, 3 min to prep, Vietnamese marinade my coworker taught me, and I have been promising for like 2 month’s…

Snoop’s Everything Marinade

Keto Beef with Broccoli, with cauliflower fried rice
  • 1/2 cup soy sauce or coconut aminos
  • 1/2 cup sesame oil
  • 1 pinch red chili flake (more to taste)
  • 2 tablespoons squeeze ginger
  • 2 tablespoons squeeze garlic
  • 1 bunch finely cut scallions
  • black pepper to taste
  • 1 lb Protein (beef, pork or chicken)

Throw all of your ingredients into either a gallon ziplock bag, or a reusable silicone storage bag (I personally LOVE the re-usable bags, but the texture skeeves Jamie out). Mix everything around and toss it in the fridge for a minimum of 30 min, flipping at least once. Cook meat to taste.

Items that are currently in the test kitchen:

  • Keto Cheese sauce for… Uh… Everything
  • Shit! I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer – Emergency cooking in a pressure cooker
  • Keto chicken tenders
  • Fat Bombs
  • The Taco soup I promised you weeks ago…
  • “God I miss Croutons” Salad Crunchies

But first…

I am going to take a nap, cause I am now officially down to 3 jobs and I am fucking exhausted. #alloftheburnout

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