After this one, I’m taking a break from these inane blogs.  This question is nearly as ridiculous as addressing why I wear Nike Frees, but I’m going to blog it simply to jump on my soapbox.

My diet is not magical- it works for me because I’ve determined, through a shitload of trial and error, what works for me, and because it suits my personal taste.  As such, I’ll address diet foods that have worked for me in the past, and why, and shit that I eat when I’m having semi-free days with my cheat windows.  If you follow my diet, you will likely fail miserably, for a variety of reasons.  This is why I find this particular entry to be the height of absurdity.

Why Won’t My Diet Work For You?

  1. I’ve been dieting, fairly strictly, for the better part of a decade.  My body is trained to avoid lipogenesis and to remain in a state of lipolysis.  This affords me the ability to tinker with my diet, and get away with far more metabolic trickery and dietary indiscretions than most, if not all of you.  There’s a guy in particular who will remain nameless but who’s been emailing me for a couple of years who’s never really changed in his appearance or strength levels, in spite of constantly mining me for training and diet advice.  He does this with at least one other prominant strength athlete of whom I know, and likely more.  Why, then, does he fail?  Likely because he’s not stuck to any of the advice we’ve given him, and gives up long before he should on any given program or diet.  As such, his body never adjusts, he doesn’t lower his bodyfat setpoint, and none of his metabolism changes significantly enough to have lasting effects.  
  2. I know how to manipulate my body due to the fact that I’ve read voraciously on the subject, and train hard enough to overcome any dietary missteps.  
  3. I understand my metabolic type, and utilize it to my advantage.
  4. You likely do not share my taste for spicy foods, which raise your metabolism significantly.  I’ve said before that bland food makes a bland person, but it also makes a fat person.

That stated, on to the next part of the blog.

Shit on Which I Diet or have Dieted
Steamed Chicken and Broccoli- My first staple diet food was the traditional steamed chicken (`10oz) and broccoli (2 cups) with white rice (1.5-2 cups, cooked) bodybuilder diet.  I drenched the entire thing in shitloads of Thai Sriracha sauce, and ate it three or four times a day, along with three or more whey protein shakes.  This took me from 140 to 160-165 lbs between 1997 and 2000, during which time I maintained a basically steady bodyfat setpoint that I’d estimate to be around 10% bodyfat.  That’s the fattest I’ve been in my adult life, having gone from collegiate wrestling right into that bodybuilding diet.  If I still lived in Tucson, I’d likely still be eating at Oriental Express on University, where I ate that  meal thrice daily, because that place ruled and that meal was delicious.  Yeah, I’m plugging that place, because Thui and An are awesome, and I ate there so often they had me over to their house a couple of times for barbecues.  Eat there if you get the chance, and tell them I said hi.  The result of this diet was that I gained a shitload of muscle over the 5 years or so when I ate there regularly, though I didn’t lose much, if any, fat.  Had I not eaten the rice, I would have been gold, but that shit tastes amazing with the sriracha on it, so it was hard to pass up.

No, I’m not oiled up- that’s sweat.  China was fucking hot.  Me in 1998.

Chicken Soup-  While in Vienna, I saw the first veins pop out on my abs eating virutally nothing but chicken soup and chicken kebaps.  I’d make 2.5 lbs of chicken breasts in broth with mixed veggies, typically brocolli, cauliflower, and carrots, every day.  I added a ton of minced garlic and cayanne to this, and my roommates fucking hated me for it, because the apartment always smelled like my soup.  I didn’t care, because I fucking looked amazing.

Climbing in Vienna, 170ish and lean.

Chili-  For about a year after returning from Vienna, I tried to make chili into the ultimate superfood.  I experimented with adding and subtracting everything from bean mixes to cucumber to organ meats, and everything in between.  I had fairly good results with this, but didn’t get quite as lean as I’d have liked.  I blame the beans, though that’s probably not the real reason.


Not quite as lean as I might’ve liked, obviously.  At least this isn’t flexed, though, haha.

Turkey Meatballs-  I got insanely lean eating turkey meatballs around the clock.  The type I was eating is only available in the northeast at Acme, for some reason, and I’ve forgotten the manufacturer, but they were ultra-lean, contained a shitload of fennel, which I love, and low carb.  They were insanely good, and I’m fairly bitter I can’t get them down here.  Trader Joes also has some insanely good turkey meatballs, and it was making these things a staple of my diet that first brought our veins on my abs at a bodyweight over 175.

My Jon Pall Sigmasson imitation.  First time I had veins on my abs.

Chicken wings-  I’ve already covered these in a previous blog.

93/7 Lean ground beef and low carb pizzas- These are the mainstays of my current diet, and I rotate them every other day.  It seems to be working like a fucking charm, because I’m steadily leaning out and gaining muscle.

The pizzas.  I make them using Mission Carb Balance Tortillas, a low carb pizza sauce, Kraft Fat-free mozzarella, and Publix Hot Italian Chicken sausage, as well as a shitload of garlic powder, black pepper, red pepper, garlic, and italian seasoning.  No, I don’t put veggies on my pizza, because I don’t like them- and before you ask, there’s no overriding nutritional reason.  On the days I eat these, I typically eat three of them, along with two Ultramet shakes and two whey protein shakes (one of which I drink while pissing in the middle of the night.  That gives me a macro profile of:

48.5g fat 209g carbs 371.5g protein 2762.5 calories 79g fiber 110g adjusted carbs

The other days, I generally eat between 2 and 4 lbs of ground beef, either in burger patties with brown gravy w/ peppercorns, or with taco seasoning, giving me somewhere between 72g fat and 184g protein, and 144g fat and 368g protein before any shakes.  Frankly, I drain the shit out of the fat in my beef, so I think it comes out considerably under that number, but I’ve got no hard numbers other than the ones I’ve provided.

What I eat off diet:
Generally, I keep it pretty low fat and moderate carbs, eating a lot of grilled chicken sandwiches and the like.

This isn’t fucking brain surgery, people- it’s trial and error and understanding your body, and the cessation of any belief that following anyone else’s diet exactly will give you the same results it gave them.  It won’t.  Frankly, I eat food so spicy it would likely kill the fucking lot of you, so I’m not posting any recipes, as I don’t want your families suing me because you lack the intestinal fortitude to emulate my diet precisely, haha.
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