Plague of Strength

One of the many upcoming series I have planned is “Prehistoric Protein Bars,” which will cover hand pies, tacos, gyros, and any other portable protein source that requires no prep or utensils once prepared. That series should be one to rival the stewroids series and will begin soon, but here’s a bit of a teaser for it. I essentially fell ass-backwards into doing this, and I could frankly live off of permutations of this recipe indefinitely.

To make is, you need just two basic things in addition to a pan, grill pan, or grill- Kirkwood Chicken Kabobs (available at Aldi, but I couldn’t find an online source) and soft taco shells (I use Mission shells). Of course, many people throw a shitload of accouterments on their tacos, but I went for quick and easy. A true Mexican street taco has diced onion and cilantro on it, so you can feel free to add that, cheese, or salsa, but I just go with the basics and a hot sauce.

Kirkwood Mediterranean Kabob Nutrition

Mission 6″ Flour Soft Taco Nutrition

If you’ve never tried it, throwing your tortillas on the grill until they get a little puffy improves the taste of them drastically. I’m not a molecular gastronomist and have no interest in becoming one, so I cannot give you the reasoning behind this, although I am certain it is simple science I lack the interest to google. Regardless, give the tortillas a little grill on high, flipping once and pulling them off when they start to bubble up (they’ll deflate on your plate).

You can grill these on the stick or off, but I do so off the stick because they cook far more quickly. I just get the grill pan hot as fuck and char them on all sides, which takes about 5 minutes total, give or take. I’ve never timed it. At four minutes, pull the biggest piece off and slice it in half to see if it’s almost cooked through- that’ll let you know where you stand time-wise.

Once cooked through, you just pull them off, throw them onto a cutting board, dice them up, pile them into shells (three small shells per two skewers is a nice ratio. I top them with this, among other things: Yellowbird Habanero Condiment. Every time I see someone using a vinegar based hot sauce on anything, it fucking breaks my hear- there is a great wide world of non-vinegar-flavored sauce out there, and this is apparently one of the first orange taco sauces. Though you might not have had orange taco sauce if you live outside of Texas or the southwest, it’s the sauce you didn’t know you needed. The name describes the color rather than the flavor, so don’t think I’ve lost my fucking mind and am topping tacos with orange juice.

Yellowbird is one of the rad carrot-based hot sauces out there, which have a nice creamy texture without oil or cream. This one has a Scoville Heat Unit Rating of 15,580 – 54,530, which is essentially between double jalapeno hot and Thai bird chili. It is essentially a garlic hot sauce in terms of flavor, and the tang of the lime and tangerine blow the flavor of vinegar out of the water. In case you’re curious, here’s the nutrition facts. If you want to try an orange sauce, I’ll be experimenting with recipes soon, so I’ll have a good orange recipe for you soon anyway.

Nutrition Facts Serving Size 1 tbsp (15g)
Amount Per Serving: • Calories 10
• Total Fat 0g (0% DV)
• Sodium 115mg (5% DV)
• Total Carbohydrate 2g (1% DV)
• Total Sugars 1g (0% DV)
• Protein 0g
• Vitamin A (4% DV)
• Vitamin C (2% DV) 

So those ingredients netted me this for breakfast:

310kcal

49g of protein

33g of carbs

7g fat

Unless you’re going keto and/or paleo, that can fit into any caloric scheme or diet you’re doing easy as shit, with zero prep and maybe a total time of ten minutes from turning on the burners to plating. This shit is so good that I had it for two back-to-back meals yesterday and today, and I am in no way opposed to having it again in another couple of hours (I had the other half of the box on two tortillas for my Hobbitty second breakfast.

As to price per serving, you’re looking at about $3.75 including the price of the shells and the hot sauce, which is not too shabby unless you’re really stretching shit until payday. Give this a shot, because it’s about the easiest way to get a serious dose of muy delicioso in your life on the cheap.

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