ATTENTION:  SINCE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE POINT OF THIS ARTICLE, LET ME BE CLEAR- I AM NOT SUGGESTING ANYONE STOP LIFTING.  I AM SIMPLY SUGGESTING THE THEY NOT “COMPETE” IF THEY SUCK

There is a disturbing trend pervading the mentality of powerlifting at the moment, and it bears discussing before it gets much more out of hand- the idea of “participation”.  From Reddit to bodybuilding.com to Outlaws to Facebook to the fucking platform, there is a constant hum of the weak and the mealy-mouthed, cooing platitudes about the “joys” of “sharing the platform with such great lifters”, going to meets to “get some numbers”, and other assorted anticompetitive happy-go-lucky bullshit.

For those of you who are unaware, sports can basically be divided into two models- “pleasure and participation” or “power and performance.”  As I have no real interest in reinventing the wheel or retyping shit I could copypasta, and am frankly too pissed off at the very idea that I need to explain this in the first fucking place, please review the following:

While the source should be common fucking sense, I obtained those tables here.

One would think, if people actually did so, that the very moniker “powerlifting” would provide valuable insight into the sports model being employed in the sport, but apparently the Millennials have decided that this is not so.  Instead, the idea that we should encourage greater participation in the sport of powerlifting and embrace the spirit of inclusion is far more valuable than preserving the most basic tenet of the sport- namely, to determine who the strongest motherfuckers on the planet are.

Millennials, I don’t know what it is about your faces, but I just wanna deliver one of these right in your suck hole.

At the risk of triggering whatever pussies who might be triggered by reading something that can be labeled with the neo-fascist non-word “ageist”, this phenomenon can be placed squarely at the only generation who has more self-loathing than they have knowledge, work ethic, or common sense- the Millennials.  Bizarrely, even the Millennials know they’re useless, though instead of using this information to grab their balls and do something about it, they’re choosing instead to ruin every semi-competitive or competitive sport in which they can enter, turning Power and Performance sports into Participation Sports with all of the grace and purposeful action of a plague of locusts (Jagel).

Think I’m off base?  I’m not.  A recent series of articles outlining the myriad failings of what author Kevin Helliker refers to as “Generation Slow” detailed at length the abject lack of competitiveness among the Millennial Generation, and pointed to such statistics as the fact that “median U.S. marathon finishes for men rose 44 minutes from 1980 through 2011,” citing the fact that “many new runners come from a mind-set where everyone gets a medal and it’s good enough just to finish” (Helliker Slowest) as the reason behind this phenomenon.  Lambasting the Millennials for their communistic, anti-competitive mindset proved exactly how useless the generation actually was, as the critical response to Helliker’s article was just as feeble and limp-wristed as the competitive performance he outlined in his article.  Instead of citing recent upticks in elite performance (if there are indeed any to cite), most responses railed against Helliker for being mean, utilizing social justice non-words like “ageist” to defend their indefensible attitudes.

Not a lot of running happens in this race, apparently.

The most popular endurance events in the country, the Tough Mudder and the Color Race, don’t even post results- according to the race coordinators, it’s not about how you perform but about how you feel.  Well, they should feel like they fucking suck, because I would rather eat a bullet than run a mile and guarantee I could finish three miles in fewer than 30 minutes powered by nothing but contempt for the egalitarianism and effeminacy of the mindset of the other competitors.

Chairman Mao would have been pro-“Fun Run”

Lest you worry that they lack even the energy to muster up excuses, making excuses for shitty performance is about the only thing about which Millennials appear motivated.  One respondent provided the following laundry list of reasons why she sucks, while others had more general reasons for their uselessness:

“‘Between being president of my honor society, volunteering at the local elementary school, job hunting, staying on top of my course load, being secretary of my sorority and trying to start a personal financial literacy seminar for women, running has become my detox time,’ wrote Natasha Mighell, a University of Virginia student. ‘It is MY time, and is not a competitive activity.’

Some young people said that baby boomers had wrecked the economy, creating so competitive a market for today’s college graduates that few had time for endurance training. ‘Everybody I know is just struggling to get a job, much less train for a marathon,’ said Tyson Hartnett, a 27-year-old entrepreneur, writer and sales professional” (Helliker Strikes Back)

That’s all well and good, you might argue, but it’s got precisely fuckall to do with powerlifting.  This is not so, however- the same mentality so pervasive in modern endurance athletics has now become part and parcel of strength sports.  Reddit’s r/weightroom is positively littered with comments regarding the dangerousness of cutting weight and the concept that doing so is unfair, despite the fact that such practices are not expressly prohibited by the rules, and the fact that according to the Power and Performance model “Participants should not be concerned with injury.”  Likewise, high standards for participation are unwanted, as the general consensus seems to be that greater participation should be encouraged, rather than less, which echoes the Pleasure and Participation model’s sentiment that “the opponent is needed and valued.”  This, in spite of the fact that the opponent in strength sports is the weight, not the other participant.

Ricky Dale Crain- just as elite in 1976 as he is now, because powerlifting is the only sport in which people have gotten worse since the mid-70s.

To illustrate just how out of hand this phenomenon has gotten, consider the following- the AAU classification for an elite powerlifter at 181 lbs, set in 1973 when powerlifting’s rules had only just been codified, was 1605.  Since then, the AAU has dropped this classification to 1396, and only Raw Unity has raised the standard a paltry 4 pounds in the intervening 40 years.  Thus, in spite of much more widespread knowledge of the sport and a concomitant rise in popularity, the best of the best are in actuality no better than they were a generation ago, and for all of the weight classes over 181, they’re actually worse (Sutphin 18).  That doesn’t happen in sports- athletes are supposed to get better with time, not worse.  It’s not as though the AAU set their elite classification standards in 1974 with the intent that virtually no one would make the cut- they set them so they’d have a classification for the upper echelon on lifters.  As it stands, their classification indicates a fraction of a percent of total lifters, which is insane.  Even supercars represent a larger fraction of the sports car industry.  Thus, we’re left with a strength sport that’s barely progressed at all in the last 40 years in spite of vast improvements in the availability of training equipment and availability of sports nutrition, yet the record mile time has dropped almost ten fucking seconds.  

Here you have the AAU’s elite cutoff from what was basically the inception of powerlifting, Raw Unity’s current elite classification, and the total number of people on Powerliftingwatch’s all-time list who meet the AAU’s original standards from 2007-2014.  Fucking pathetic.

Just as in endurance athletics, a bloated body of participants has actually managed to dilute the talent pool to the point where it appears that the best lifters in the world have no interest in competing.  Either that, or the utter lack of competitiveness among the modern powerlifting participant is so overwhelming that they’ve dragged the strength levels of even the elite powerlifters into the toilet with their own.  Whatever the reason, the low level of strength at the “championship” level of powerlifting recently resulted in a California State Championship in which a staggering 29 competitors lifted in the 181lb weightclass, yet the 4th place finisher would not even qualify as elite at 148.  That’s not a championship- that’s a fucking travesty.

Now, I realize this is going to result in a lot of hurt butts, but frankly, I don’t really give a fuck.  The mentality of the casual powerlifter is fucking retarded.  Either you’re competing, or you should get the fuck out of the way- this is not a fucking “fun run”.  Just showing up and paying $100 to say you did a meet is as stupid as it is disrespectful to the people who actually go to meets to compete against one another.  The Houston Texans might have blown dogshit in 2013, but I didn’t see Ben Tate smiling as he walked off the field after Peyton Manning delivered 400 yards of airborn rape to his team and interrupt the post game press conference to tell the world how glad he was to share the field with such an amazing athlete.  Tahiti’s soccer team doesn’t wander the field like a bunch of fucking cattle when playing Uruguay and just let them score at will, and they’re fucking soccer players from Tahiti.  Even they can muster up enough competitive spirit to fucking compete, in spite of the fact that Donald Trump likely loses more than Tahiti’s GDP every month in the laundry.

In short- stop sucking.  Stop accepting that sucking is the norm.  Stop going to fucking meets and “competing” if you know you suck.  And for the love of fuck, either stop “participating” in sports or stop “participating” in life- I don’t care how you do it, so long as you’re dead to me. 

Sources:
Helliker, Kevin.  The Slowest Generation.  Wall Street Journal.  19 Sep 2013.  Web.  31 Mar2014.  http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887324807704579085084130007974

Helliker, Kevin.  The Slowest Generation Strikes Back.  Wall Street Journal.  9 Oct 2013.  Web.  31 Mar 2014.  http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304171804579123661553124776  
Jagel, Katie.  Millennials: Generation lazy?  Yougov.  17 Jan 2014.  Web.  1 Apr 2014.  https://today.yougov.com/news/2014/01/17/millennials-generation-lazy/

Sutphin, Paul.  Powerlifting: The Total Package.  Bloomington: AuthorHouse, 2014.

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