A hulking figure appeared in the doorway, cloaked in an aura so intense that he barely seemed capable of doing aught but great violence to anything within his reach.  As he stepped heavily into the room, the onlookers noticed that every sinew, every muscle, and every vein stood in stark relief beneath his paper thin skin, which threatened to burst like the skin on a sausage left too long on the grill.  His t-shirt, loose at the waist, grew tighter as the eye moved upward until it appeared to be strangling him, so tightly was it stretched over his bull-like neck and shoulders.  Shouldering aside ill-clad, scrawny hipsters, the brute made his way to the front of the establishment and spoke.

“Bring me a pizza adorned with every conceivable type of meat, as many breadsticks as you can fit into a garbage bag, and a half gallon of whiskey, or I swear by all of the gods that I shall reduce this building to rubble, lay waste to the surrounding areas, carry off your women, and drink all of your liquor.  You have fifteen minutes to comply.”

It was, clearly, Rampage Day.

Though you might be thinking that skipping your Rampage day might be a good way to accelerate fat loss, this is not so.  In the initial phase of this diet, you might stretch your keto runs to acclimatize yourself to the diet and undo the massive damage you’ve wrecked upon your internal system.  Additionally, you’re primarily concerned with being less disgusting to look at and touch, which is understandable. As such, you might be inclined to continue to stretch the no-carb phase of this diet to ten to fourteen days, which can have some very positive metabolic effects.   Once you’ve re-entered the realm of human physiques, however, you should rethink that policy, as this diet’s not about not being fat- it’s about being fucking awesome.  If you’re going to be awesome, you’re going to need to lift continually heavier weights and get more muscular, and the Rampage is a critical component in that, especially given the fact that some studies have shown that long-term ketogenic diets inhibit muscle growth when the dieter is in a hypocaloric state, which you’ll likely be in for at least part of the week if you’re doing one or more days of Protein Sparing Modified Fasts.(McDaniel) If you’re doing PSMFs and breaking your ass in the gym, it’s highly likely that until you engage in a gastronomic catastrophe like the Rampage, you’re going to be in a hypocaloric state over the balance of the week.  That shit simply cannot be allowed to stand, as your workouts will suffer and you could lose some of the muscle you’ve broken your ass inside out to get.

Thus, you should regard a refeed day as sacrosanct.  The Rampage Day is essential for getting insanely strong and lean, as a day in which you deliberately overeat carbohydrates  is utterly necessary for muscular hypertrophy, strength gains, and overall recomposition.  Essentially, the Rampage Day confers more benefits than a cattle prod at a school for the mentally retarded- it stimulates your metabolism,(Matsumoto) replenishes your glycogen stores for heavy training,(Bowden) increases your thyroid, adrenal, and sex hormones,(Poehlman) provides sundry mental health benefits through a  forced break from clean eating,(Westrate) and helps normalize most, if not all, of the hormones [involved in] metabolic slowdown: leptin, ghrelin, insulin, etc.”(McDonald RFD 46)

You will, however, have to do the refeed correctly in order to reap its benefits like a Muslim collecting hymens in Jannah.  Unless you’re where you want to be in terms of bodyfat, however, this isn’t going to be a fucking free-for-all day, as you’re hardly out of the water yet.  Instead, the Rampage is a combination of a structured refeed (like you’d do for a glycogen supercompensation) and a cheat meal.

If you’re still worried that you’ll grow your disgusting fatbody back in your first Rampage, fear not- there are at least two studies that suggest that the body continues to use bodyfat for fuel during the first 24 hours of carbohydrate loading, so provided you stick to the plan, you’ll be well on your way to getting the striated  buttocks of which you’ve always dreamed.(McDonald KD 135)  At least one study has shown that short breaks from high fat diets will not have an adverse effect on lipolytic activity, and lipolytic activity in people who take high carb breaks from high fat diets are actually higher than those who are on a high carbohydrate diet, meaning you’ll burn more fat if you cheat a bit once a week.(Saitoh)  Additionally, fellow low-carbohydrate dieting advocate, Dave Palumbo, stated that if “you use a keto-diet, you’ll need to have a cheat meal (to spike insulin) at least once per week to keep the thyroid functioning normally.”  For anyone who’s ever met a grossly obese person, they invariably claim that their thyroid’s at fault, rather than the fact that they gave up vertical locomotion for a scooter and some Ho-Ho’s ten years ago, and haven’t even bothered to mourn the fact that they’ve not seen their genetalia in in 15 years due to their obsession with television game shows and Cheetos.  Best to keep your distance from those motherfuckers and keep that thyroid humming like a chick from the Berkeley School of music giving a blowjob.

Get Rampagin’!

On your Rampage Day, you’re going to plan on consuming 3.5-4.5 grams per pound of gross bodyweight.  Thus, a 154 lb. person should consume 600 grams of total carbohydrates on Rampage Day, whereas a 200 lb person would consume around 800.  The timing of the carbohydrates is not as important as the amount, though I prefer to keep myself in a caloric deficit until the cheat window to milk every bit of stimulus I can out of the massive influx of food.  Additionally, predators in the wild invariably have a “marked circadian rhythm” and their hunting motivation is “influenced by the activity of endogenous clocks”(McFarland 463)  Though you might be skeptical of the application of this fact to you, humans are universally considered to be apex predators, so it is in our nature to eat in a particular rhythm.  This might be why I find this diet so fucking easy to follow- it has a nice flow.  Additionally, my body seems primed for the influx of calories in the evening, which leads me to believe that you’ll utilize the majority of the calories you ingest if your Rampage is synchronous with your largest meal during the week.  Is there science to support that?  Fuck no, but it makes sense, so I’m sticking with it.

You don’t need to walk around with a notepad and calculator all fucking day long, either- the key to the refeed is how many carbs and which kinds, rather than the pace at which you eat them..  For the first couple of Rampages, you might want to plan them a bit so you’re shooting for the right carbohydrate levels.  This will give you a benchmark and allow you the opportunity to fine tune your intake as you go.  Others of you might want to go my route and keep your carbs under 200 grams for the duration of the day, so that no matter how fucking nuts you go come cheat time you cannot overshoot your mark.  I found this particularly helpful in the early stages, but as I got leaner it went from unnecessary to possibly counterproductive.

Multiple sources I’ve read virtually scream that you should avoid fructose during glycogen recomposition, as it simply replenishes liver stores and can actually be stored as bodyfat.  Though vegans will scream bloody murder this isn’t true, science does not appear to have their back.  Instead, science appears to have gained full mount and is currently beating vegans like they’re talking shit on a California playground.  “Fructose is more lipogenic than glucose or starches, and usually causes greater elevations in triglycerides and sometimes in cholesterol than other carbohydrates. Dietary fructose has resulted in increases in blood pressure, uric acid, and lactic acid.”

To add insult to injury, “added fructose seems to provide little advantage over other caloric sweetners and compares unfavorably to complex carbohydrates in susceptible segments of the population.”(Hallfrisch)  Thus, I’d avoid fruit for the most part.  Additionally, overdoing the sucrose can lead to some being stored as bodyfat.  If you’re eating either, try to restrict them to 50 grams and 100 grams, respectively, to avoid reducing the efficacy of the refeed.(McDonald RFL 46-7)  That’s not to say that you should underdo it, however.  The Minnesota Experiment showed that the utilization of the minimum necessary calories in a refeed will lead to decreased enthusiasm for the diet and training, no matter the macronutrient composition.(Russell 129)  Thus, you’ll Rampage as intelligently and aggressively as you should do everything, like you’re a modern day Neanderthal with an 8 inch boner facing down a wooly mammoth that’s trying to rape your girlfriend.

The Rampage Itself

In the past, I covered cheat windows fairly in-depth and mentioned that there are a couple of ways to skin this proverbial cat.  The Rampage will utilize none of those, and will instead rely on a single 3 hour cheat window on the heels of the aforementioned carbohydrate refeed.  During the cheat window, I encourage you to eat like you’re a midwestern housewife at an all-you-can-eat buffet and gorge yourself.  I usually pick foods on which I can graze, as I’ve shrunken my stomach and haven’t got any interest in putting myself in physical pain during my weekly three hour holiday. There’s no metabolic reasoning for grazing, however- it’s just what I like to do.  For those of you who are about to throw Lyle McDonald in my face, relax, I’ve read the same shit.  His contention is that during these structured refeeds, you should definitely not “use the concept as an excuse to eat yourself sick or eat three times what you’d normally eat.”(McDonald, 34)  I’ll tell you this from experience- the farther you get in a given diet, the less you can consume in three hours- it’s a matter of pure biology.  Thus, at the beginning of your diet, you’ll be able to eat more during your cheats, which will likely slow your progress.  Should you notice this, you can moderate future Rampages to forestall that slowdown, though as you get leaner, you’ll notice you can get away with a lot more in the way of craziness and lapses.  Additionally, once start seeing definition you’d never seen before, or veins you never thought you’d ever see, you’re going to naturally restrict yourself on your cheats to prevent any backsliding, at least until you’ve stayed lean for a considerable period of time and find yourself nearly insane with hunger by Friday night.

Timing

I usually choose to Rampage at night.  From a insulin standpoint this is probably not ideal, but from a lifestyle standpoint, I don’t care.  There’s not enough of a difference in hormone levels between morning and night to justify worrying about my insulin levels, and I find that it’s awesome to go to bed full to bursting and have the night to digest and bomb out my place in peace, rather than force myself to eat a meal when it’s inconvenient.

Some nutritionists believe that pre-workout is the best time for a scheduled cheat window.  Anytime I’ve tried to schedule a cheat meal early in a day and train later, however, I find that my lift’s a disaster, and I spend the majority of the time acting like I’ve got some horrible stomach flu.  The kind of flu wherein you know you’re going to paint the bathroom one color or another because everything wants out all at once.  I chose wrong once, and my mom had to clean the bathroom after, as I passed out with my head hanging over the toilet, pants around my ankles, shit covering every square inch of the bathroom.  This has made Mother’s Day expensive since I was 6.  I don’t wish to repeat that event, so I don’t cheat pre-workout.

Two supplements that will increase the effectiveness of your cheat meal are:
ECA stack– It increases your thermogenesis anyway, but “ephedrine alone can increase the thermic effect of a meal by 30%”(Berardi).  As such, make sure you whack that back prior to the initiation of your feeding frenzy to ensure that you’re getting the optimal metabolic response to your overfeeding.

Digestive enzymes– Before, during, and after.  Trust me, they’ll help.  If you’ve been eating clean, your body’s going to have something to say about what you’re eating, and it’s going to let everyone in the room know what it thinks about it.  This should prevent any non-alcohol-related pants-shitting, and keep you from smelling like you’ve shit them.  Lastly, it’ll increase the absorption of the nutrients you’d so rudely and crudely stuffed down your ravenous gullet, increasing the positive effects of that meal and hopefully negating any of the negative ones.

One last word on this, for you fatties- don’t include these feeding frenzies if you’re not already lean.  If you’re a fatass, you don’t deserve them from a mental standpoint and cannot really utilize them from a metabolic one.  As such, you’d be wise to steer clear until you can see some abs.  For guys, this means under 15%, tops.  For girls, that means… whatever the female equivalent of 15% is.  We’ll call it 25-27%.  If you can see abs, have at it- otherwise, wait until you can.  Additionally, if you find that cheat meals are either not helping, or they’re actually hurting, monkey with the timing, duration, and what you’re actually eating.  Should you find yourself in the aforementioned fatass category, limit yourself a bit in your Rampage- you’ve been on a years-long Rampage and it’s high time you exercised some self control.  Make sure you get your carbs, but keep the fats below 25% of your total calories while doing so.  Kill a couple of bags of Baked Lays and hit up Fuddruckers for a couple of Buffalo Burgers, maybe.  Remember- eye on the fucking prize.

The rest of you… get ready.  Tomorrow we Rampage.

Sources:
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Faigin, Rob.  Natural Hormonal Enhancement.  Cedar Mountain: Extique, 2000.
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