The following is what happens when you mix a shitload of high test straings of weed (if you have not tried ATF, DO SO THIS WEEK AND MAKE A TECH N9NE PLAYLIST FOR IT. Shit will get hyphy), the newest episodes of Cosmos, and far too much investigation of archaeology. THis has nothing to do with lifting and was just a thought I wanted to put to paper before it vanished, and now that I am looking at it with sober eyes think my theory has some serious validity. Feel free to give your opinion in the comments, good , bad, or otherwise- I think this super-high essay might actually spur some interesting conversation among the educated.
TLDR: humanity is a massive single eukaryotic organism like slime mold, the Garden of Eden was humans living as part of the natural world, god is the Earth, and enlightened humans are living god.
Garden of Eden was the natural world. We were the only animals to not “know your role”- we said fuck your role and did what we wanted. We swam in the oceans and lived in the trees. We tamed fire and fucked other different but similar monkeys and build shit with rocks. Even then though, we were more or less “natural.” This was still the Garden.
Then came a time when man could come together and build permanent nests, on which others built theirs and others and so on. Gradual improvements over time led to more permanent improvements, and the people grew close to the edge of the garden. At some point mother nature must have warned them that their actions violated the code of harmony within nature- that their behavior went against the creator against life itself, for it harmed that creator.
The Bible claims it was a snake that led us astray, but I would posit that rather than reptilian aliens or talking snakes, that snake is the same serpent that is represented in the winged cadeuceus that represents medicine- it’s likely the serpent god Ningishzida, who seems to be the god or goddess of good harvests, which would be essential to “civilized” urban life. As serpents are creatures to which we have an atavistic fear, worship of such a creature would represent a worship of the unnatural, the strange, and the inhuman. And apparently Gaia didn’t like that idea worth a shit.
The creator then cast humans out. The animals turned on humans, attacking them where they’d previously lived in relative harmony. Edible plants became more scarce. Some people still followed the old ways, lviing in harmony with their creator, but eventually their creator began demanding the blood of humans to cull their numbers, in order to bring balance back into the world. This is why God demanded Cain kill Abel, and why the God of the Old Testament was such a fucking prick.
Painted in this light, it’s pretty understandable that God wiped out every civilization on the planet. Why Pompeii was obliterated not once, as we all thought for so long, but twice by Mt. Vesuvius. Or why famines or whatever calamity you might want to blame on something wipes out a bunch of people. The amusing thing, however, is that Christians don’t see what’s pretty obvious right before their face.
They think the earth is 10000 years old, and that’s when civilizations began to first begin cropping up. When humans really began pushing at the forest and the desert. That was the beginning of the human world- the beginning of our war on the Earth. And we have fought like fucking hell to tame the Earth while we extend our own lives. Demonstrating our dominance over even our creator’s intent (modern science / infrastructure / agriculture / social engineering has doubled our genetic lifespan as our life expectancy), we’ve tamed the wild beasts and feasted upon our creator’s corpse.
At our worst, we’re unspeakable, but at our best, we’re literal gods. We create and destroy life and matter in ways our creator never could. She has been tamed and awed, and now stands beaten and bloodied, but not dead by any stretch of the imagination. Thus, we we as gods must do is find a way to live in stasis with the Earth as co-gods.
But humanity is a eukaryotic organism. We are essentially like a highly intelligent slime mold that has covered the entire Earth. None of us are particularly important beyond our help in pushing the mass of other organisms in the right direction.
Worshiping the Earth is pointless- we have conquered the Earth and one does not worship what one has conquered. What we need to be is a proud victor and benefactor to the loser, who is after all our creator. She strove mightily to wipe humanity off the planet, and no matter what she threw at us we bounced back harder and more resolute.
Now it is time for us to help Gaia up, dust her off, and help her tend her flock. In doing so, we can offer them the choice to stick with us or go with nature- that is, after all what pets are. They’re other people who have decided “fuck that living wild shit.”
One would expect this would be the choice of the Christians, though for the most part they have wholeheartedly thrown their lot in with the Chinese on destroying every ecosystem they can find, and fracking in the ones we already inhabit to ensure they remain as craven, weak, ignoble, and generally distasteful as a bunch of dickheads to ever misinterpret a series of ancient oral histories and legal traditions as a religious book designed to cosign terrible behavior by humanity’s weakest and dumbest representatives. Though Jesus was probably Primeval Captain Planet, his followers are more like the Wall-E fatties, but with a vested interest in violating every one of their god-man’s personal guidelines for living a good life.
Those people who fancy themselves rugged individualists and survivalists are ridiculous for the simple reason that humanity is too hardy to kill off completely, and we have disseminated so much information to every corner of the globe that there is almost no chance civilization would not spring forth anew from anything short of a planet-killing event. Our individual survival is basically immaterial beyond the positive influence we spread without our massive, disgusting pile of slime mold.
So, if you are not exerting a positive influence in your thoughts, actions, and words on the world around you, you are basically living poison- you have rejected both your creator, Gaia, and yourself. You cannot be a god and not a god simultaneously. Think, act, and speak like the noble victor god you are, rather than the petulant bitch our more craven impulses suggest we should be. Help the animals who’ve chosen to join us on our path to godhood- the dogs and cats and other animals who live by choice in our homes- achieve their own best self. Help the unconscious among you achieve consciousness and accept their birthright.
You are part of a species that separated itself from the animal kingdom- you are in a position where you should act as a god, so fucking do so.
I am the god of masturbation and avoiding responsibility.
Individuals push humanity forward. I think your maligning yourself with the collective shitbirds you used to rail against. Great men(and women), have pushed society to the brink of new innovations and discoveries through the sole power of their intellect and willpower, while the rest of the average flock sat around and fed on whatever the turn of the century provided. Any belief system that values the collective over the individual, is sheer nonsense, and would only stagnate the processes of greater men. (Not that’s it’s gonna stop them anyway.)
Oh, I agree with you. The issue now is that in the past most of the 90% knew to either shut their mouths and know their role, or they kept their dumb fucking opinions to their dumbass friends. With social media, these halfwits are aggressively attacking us with the profundities of their boundless ignorance, and it’s fucking infuriating.
The realization that less than 10% of Americans can even be mentally considered adults based on their ability to read and reason came as something of a shock. I like to call everyone stupid, but I thought they were just acting that way to annoy me, rather than actually having chosen to be as useless, ignorant, and unpleasant as possible.
The biblical fall was a metaphor for sentience. Prior, humans walked around stoned on the religious ecstasy of existence. Approaching a street cat is like approaching somebody on acid. I think it is most mentally healthy to reenact this state as reasonably as possible. Walk through nature with those dear to you, play with dogs, star and fire gaze etc.
A few weeks ago I took an opportunity to escape my huge shitty metropolis which is still undergoing the fervor of a pandemic, to visit an area with literally dozens of waterfalls and green hills. I could feel my soul being cleaned like a lint trap.
Ha, nice! I love taking my cats for walks like that, and investigating shit with them. It’s weird what cats find interesting, though not as weird as their inability to maintain a steady pace while walking haha.
I’ve seen the idea of humans-as-gods-in-development pop up in certain Left Hand Indian disciplines. If I can find the exact names, I’ll post them. I think the Aghori believe it, but I’m not sure. Either way, it’s an interesting idea.
In reference to the story of Genesis, there’s somethings I want to point out that generally makes Christians super angry (hence why I want to post it). For reference, the place I first learned these ideas was an essay by Oberon Zell called, “We are the Other People.” I highly recommend the essay, as it goes into much more depth than I am in this post. It involves a literal reading of the Creation myths, and we all know how much Christians like their book to be taken literally!
First of all, there are two Creation myths. The first, from Genesis 1:1 through 2:3, details the creation of the Earth and the Heavens, and gives us a clearly delineated timeline for when things were created (and humans appearing on the 6th day along with the animals). The second creation story (Genesis 2:3 through 2:25) features the creation of Adam, then the animals and plants, and then Eve. Where this gets interesting is that the writer(s) of the book use two different names of God in both passages. In the first, the word “Elohim,” which is masculine and plural, and can be more literally translated as “The Gods.” The word used for God in the second Creation myth is “Adonai” which is masculine and singular and literally translates as, “The Lord.” Therefore, a literal reading of the Book of Genesis would say that the Gods created the Heavens and the Earth along with humans, male and female. Then, an individual member of the Elohim created his own humans in the Garden of Eden.
So, focusing for now on the Garden of Eden story, Adonai tells Adam, 2:16″You may freely eat of every tree of the garden;
[2:17] but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die.” Now, here is something that is super important that I want to point out: Adam and Eve were mortal. They could already die. For some reason, Christians like to believe that Adam and Eve were immortal before the Fall. However, in chapter 3:22, Adonai says, “See, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”
So, why is the mortality of Adam and Eve important? Because Adonai told them that the day they eat of the tree of Knowledge, they would surely die. The Serpent said, “No, you shall be like Gods, knowing Good and Evil.”
This brings us to the crux of the story. The central question: Who lied to Adam and Eve? Was it Adonai, or the Serpent?
It’s pretty clear that God lied.
I know this is only tangentially related to your post, but I’ve been dealing with asshole Christians all week and I needed a place to vent my rage and to point out the central flaw of their belief system.
That’s really interesting. I’ll admit I’ve not read the Bible since being forced to sit through church weekly until junior year of high school, and I never really cared enough to make a closer reading of Genesis because even the people who compiled the fucking book, the Catholics, think it’s just a book of fables designed to teach people to be nice.
It is very strange that all of the laws god put into place keep us from living like animals, yet he wanted us to live as such in the Garden. Shit seems like one hell of a setup.
Thanks for jumping in! And remember, they’re not all psychopaths- the evangelicals are the issue, and their problem is that they not only are violently uneducated but refuse to be educated. I’ve no fucking idea what to do with that, since they breed like fucking rabbits and raise their kids to be fucking monsters surrounded by firearms and halfwits screeching about killing for Jesus.
You need to give up smoking weed…
Hey Woody, you read this stuff too!! Man, we need to catch up, give me a call soon.
I find it difficult to understand how people who claim to be interested in the human collective could also be adverse to having kids. You still not interested in offspring Jamie?
Nope. No interest whatsoever. I don’t need to fight in a war to know I wouldn’t enjoy being shot either. The difference is that a war wound is either fatal or it heals. A child is a 20 year plus burden with little to recommend it beyond the possibility of SIDS. We just rescued a four week old kitten- that does far more good than bringing another human who will probably refuse to learn to read or think.
I don’t understand why I should have to take on a massive unwanted burden in order to write about people- I try to stick to fulfilling pastimes, haha. And it still seems exactly like you people are trying to recruit me for a cult or something.